Earning true love

 

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Love 

Pondered and discussed many a times, but seldom experienced the true feelings and emotions, and the very few blessed ones who have are either in bliss or some who are eternally in pain yet in love with the feeling. Love!

 Many aspire to experience love, some assume from what they see and are told and some imagine it to be something that’s a wonderful feeling that completes their experiences. Many feel being in love makes them more tolerant and peaceful yet there are those who fight, in love, which is mauled by their very own ego. Often mistaken as something that one rightfully deserves for just merely existing, many forget that love has to be earned. As opposed to getting love it is more about giving unconditionally. And getting love in return is one of the most wonderful experiences one can have. 

Love is a feeling, an emotion, and an experience that’s not tangible. It cannot be held, possessed, locked up, or limited. It has to be realized and experienced freely. Once a person begins to feel possessive, and selfish about love, it disappears like a smoke. Love is also the pain in which one missed someone. Love is also in the happiness when it’s shared. Love can also be a one way street. One can be in love secretly and still feel loved.

Love, is not just about an exchange of emotions or the complexities that part takes within a relationship between two individuals. I feel it’s about the emotions involved within ones heart, when they give away something that is very dear to their heart to someone else and find greater satisfaction and peace in doing so. It’s about the thought process one undergoes along with their own very personal emotions when selflessness becomes more valuable than what you get out from a relationship. It is about the synergies and the willingness to give up something for the other person’s happiness or to accommodate a situation for other person’s happiness. It’s about the little moments and gestures one takes for granted when in love but die for every single one of them when they are apart. It’s about each and every sense of theirs that is associated to moments shared that they can think about and dwell in it for a life time.

Love – an art of giving someone all that’s dear to you without expecting anything in return but secretly hoping it will be reciprocated one day! There are of course a zillion quotes, poems and stories about love, but very seldom experienced, shared, and learned from. How many times and who have we loved unconditionally, without expecting anything in return, yet giving it freedom and being tolerant of the person? But what we find more often is people who are in search of true love are doing so for more selfish purposes. For them it is about what they can get, and how much in can they get in terms of good looks, time, loyalty and comfort to satisfy their needs with very little to offer in return.

Love is the art of understanding as a mature person that imperfections is a natural fact and essential part of any given person and yet overlooking it for the purpose of still wanting to be together. It is very emotional and yet spiritual. It gives you the strength as you give more away and makes you stronger by making sacrifices. You enter a state of being were you have conversations, exchange ideas, laugh at their jokes and habits and are generally warmed by their presence, even when they are far away from you. You catch yourself thinking of them and smiling or laughing or even at times, perhaps talking to yourself. You at times smell them around, hear their voices and drift away from reality for brief wonderful moments of togetherness. One must also realize that love grows on you over time. It is not something that you can demand instantaneously and find it.

Another common aspect about love is having the wisdom and enough knowledge to identify and realize it. People often misunderstand love from infatuation. Especially the younger generations often fall into this trap and find themselves too deep into a marriage with a kid before they realize that it wasn’t love bust just a brief infatuation. Usually this is yet another common contributing factor to a possible, divorce, separation, single parent situation etc.

I like to separate infatuation from love by a simple difference. Infatuation is what you want to get from this person in your life, where as in love it is about what you want to give to this person. Also, love at first sight, instant love and hitting it off etc, are part of the infatuation process where almost everything is instant and too quick, where in love, it takes it time, it grown on you, it happens to you as realization, understanding and emotion all work together to help you feel comfortable.  In love it is more about substance, character, personality, compatibility and emotional balance where in infatuation, its immediate, physical attraction, social pride, biological, and momentary satisfaction..

In true love, people are unselfish, giving in nature, patient for love to flourish and grow upon one and other. They often behave conducive to the other person’s feelings, and emotions, they are aware of the other person likes and dislikes and want to do things for them expecting nothing in return.

When infatuated, you often find yourself thinking of how you both can compliment each other in a particular social situation, party etc, the social appearance and acknowledgement as a couple is more important. You find yourself being more selfish, where your needs and wants are more than the other persons and you want to push the relationship to next level as opposed to let it grow naturally.

There is a sense of impatience when it is an infatuation as opposed to love. There is a sense of urgency to accomplish what you think you have lost or have been longing for. You want instant gratification. You want to have this person in your life immediately. You begin to imagine having sex, or rush to get into bed as soon as possible. You seek intimacy immediately. There is a strong sense of losing the person if you wait. Every other person around you seems to be looking at your partner and you feel threatened. You begin to seek advice from every other person, regardless of them being a good source or bad. You begin to react to every piece of advice you get and then add more fear to your thoughts by constant criticism and analyzing of the other persons character. And with all these fears and collective paranoia you rush into marriage only to regret later.

On the contrary love is calm, cool and collected. You are patient, and not threatened. You will want to wait, and begin a beautiful process of introspection and becoming a better person within to compliment the other. You feel calm and collected and always have time to plan everything you want to do. You are in no rush, and secure about each other. Love makes you feel good, motivates you, and you will immediately find yourself doing things differently in a positive manner. You will notice an immediate change in your behaviour towards others and especially towards the ones you were upset earlier. You will find yourself to be more accepting, loving, forgiving, and whole as a person. You deeply know that you are making the right choices and taking the right decisions. You are willing to wait as long as it is needed to fulfill your dreams. And most importantly you begin to look different and beautiful.

If you are one of those who feel, that it’s my life, my independence, my likes and dislikes, my money, my family and I am compromising my wants that are more important to me, then don’t shoot yourself when you have trouble in your relationships and find yourself being hurt, lonely and misunderstood etc. This is because such a selfish nature doesn’t contribute positively for a union of two separate individuals and personalities in a relationship to last and grow. It is often bound to fall apart unless the other is either very compromising or has totally given up and lives a dual life. Either way the meaning of love and togetherness becomes a pseudo relationship. You can of course blame the whole world and the two dogs across the street, but the fault lies in you.

People in love truly and honestly, often find themselves complimenting each other, inspire and motivate each other, treat each other with respect and yet are funny together, behave in a manner it shows that they are proud of their partner as opposed to being proud of themselves.  Simultaneously, they are often patient and forgiving of each other, listen to each other, depend on each other  and above all, one strives to behave in a graceful manner often bringing calm and peace to the other.

Similarly, when one takes love to the next stage in terms of a lasting relationship and look at it from a “compatibility” point of view, one has to first truly understand what “compatibility” is. It is often misunderstood to be a matching of likes, faith, culture, style etc. A proper definition of compatibility is actually existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another person. People do not have to marry a clone or their identical self to be truly compatible. In fact identical individuals often end up having greater difference eventually. Instead one should look for similar values, morals, comprehension, willingness to accept and respect the other for who they are and not what they can become, willingness to accommodate other persons likes, point of view, and do it with and for love, but not as a favor. These are what makes true compatibility and helps build a relationship on secure grounds of mutual respect and understanding. But one should also remember that it is not wise to hold on to certain beliefs or habits too adamantly without proper reason or basic understanding of its purpose which could weigh heavily on a relationship. One should be willing and open-minded to exchange their old fears, rituals or closed belief systems they may have been raised with for a new life with more mature, modern, and mutually agreeable and beneficial values and habits. This kind of approach will nurture and help develop their new relationship.  Closed mindedness and holding on to old fears and belief systems yet expecting life partners who are modern and intellectual will only eventually put a lot of stress on the relationship.

Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you don’t have. If there is no love in your life, whatever else there is has a lot less meaning. The secret of our existence is not only to live but to have something to live for.

We all are aware, love grows with time where infatuation is weakened. So, take the time to realize what you are feeling and getting yourself into. Ultimately you will face the consequences of your choice. There is no escape. If not anything else, karma will come back to bite you in the rear. I always say love finds its greatest satisfaction in making others happy over trying to use love to make yourself happy. And people who are capable of being honest and love truly from their heart can be easily identified. They seem happier, cheerful, speak their mind out, and generally there is a glow on their faces and carry a radiant personality. But those who aren’t in true love often appear to be angry, carry a look of guilt, have trouble making eye contact, or blind themselves with their pride, ego, arrogance, lust and desperation. If you don’t agree and yet feel guilty of being one such person, take a look at yourself in the mirror. A little honest introspection won’t hurt!

Lastly, ask your self if you are truly worthy of what you seek for in love. Write a wish list. List down all that you want in your partner or spouse. List the physical must haves, the personality they must have, the level of education if necessary, their financial status, what would be their ideal background in terms of family, lifestyle, upbringing etc,  list all that you desire for in this person. Imagine this person in your mind and think where a person with these attributes may be found.   Now, take a good look at the mirror and analyze yourself in detail and ask yourself this: “why will a person with qualities will want to live with me?”. Are you truly worthy of this person? And be honest about it. If you are not, then make the changes in yourself first and become worthy of such a person. The rest will just happen in good time once you are truly worthy. We often end up with what we truly earn.

Earn the love you seek!  

 

Paradoxes of our changing times, people and paradigms

 

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Sensible humans, insensible beings.  We the knowledgeable and the most gifted of creation do many things that opposes our own basic sensibilities. It is amusing to see people who know the right from wrong but still choose to do what is wrong. For example a person knows the consequences of smoking, the cigarette packs carry horrific pictures of how the internal organs of smokers appears when damaged, and there are seriously alarming statistics for anyone to learn from, yet the knowledgeable man knowingly chooses to smoke. Those who live in a free world with fair law and protection feel the need to carry a gun for self-protection etc. With all the progressive evolution and technological advancements it still appears many things haven’t changed sadly. Man still continues to live in fear, hunger still kills people, and wars still seem to be inevitable.

I often wonder where the days have gone where people welcomed others to visit their country proudly with a warm smile. Have you seen the expressions and demeanor of today’s immigration officers across the world? People now have become accustomed to handing their self-respect and dignity to these uniformed first faces of the country they visit. Being intimidated, unwelcome and at times getting insulted has become a norm while visiting many of our so-called “first world” nations. I find it very shocking and upsetting to see how we have chosen to sacrifice our manners, hospitality, culture, and respect for others under the excuse of terrorism? Aren’t people able to see how they have allowed institutional authorities to scare them into dropping their own privacy, dignity and respect at the feet of a security officer, where some of them take the liberty to abuse the power and authority with arrogance and total disregard to basic human dignity?  I find it appalling to see a father of a young girl stand in line at an airport security check in and watch the pride, love and honor of his house being touched and “patted down” by hand or video screened by a total stranger and he cannot do anything about it. When will our mute conscience scream out for justice for self and all? Is this the state and condition of living we choose in our advanced and developed world? Does security measures have to be this humiliating and disrespectful? Can’t there be a more efficient and respectable process developed with all the technology we have in place today? Do we really have to pack our dignity and leave it at home before we decide to travel for a simple holiday? Does the new highly advanced metal detector really need the person to assume a less dignified position and hold their belongings in both their hands up over their forehead? And the only alternative option is an invasive and more degrading hand pat-down by some stranger under the arrogance of authority? Is this the educated, free and respectable world? This is the free country of today that claims to uphold the respect, dignity and equal rights for everyone?

The age and times of today have changed a lot and less reasonable on the account of political ambitions and personal financial gains of a few powerful people. It seems to be a world that is run by corporations like a corporation. Certain countries are run by corporations and some countries are run by taking-over corporations. We are now witnessing a serious shift in many traditional institutional methods along with age-old perceptions. The military superpowers of yesterday are standing on their knees before the economic superpowers of today. What was once touted as a free country is lot more constrained, rude, interrogative, and invasive where their own people are being oppressed softly than the ones they admonished during the cold war days. The “show me your papers” has been replaced by a simple credit card, social security card or even a basic drivers license. People are watched more carefully and closely with total disregard to their privacy and dignity by advanced technology preying deep into their personal lives. Today’s power abusing government officials keep us so puzzled with their intimidation and scare tactics that we do not have time to realize that our basic rights have also been taken away by new laws and regulations in the name of security. Democratic governments have begun to treat people like dictators while dictatorships have learned to control their people with the false pretext of democracy. Broken homes grow with more frequent divorces over trivial reasons as people become wealthier. The unreasonable distribution of “divorce settlements” feed this trend regardless of the fact that divorce is one of the top reasons for bankruptcies. It has become a legal, super-sensitive and precarious task to correct and reprimand your own children when they misbehave. Basic human lives have lost their value. Countries that were considered poor have become richer while once prosperous countries battle economic crisis. Elected leaders continue to make poor and selfish decisions while people continue to suffer helplessly, and wisdom sits under the thumb of people’s mobile web browsers while they continue to make poor choices and continue to become more ignorant on account of their arrogance. I wonder at times how this world will be, if countries can form coalitions to help other countries, stop wars, maintain peace, eradicate disease and poverty and educate, as opposed to standing together only to fight a common enemy sitting over valuable natural resources.

As people we have become more individualistic in nature by shrugging off our basic responsibilities towards our loved ones, family, humanity and the world we share. We are quick to retaliate against our loved ones when we put up with lot more nonsense from people who don’t matter to us. We easily hurt the people who love us without thinking, but we think twice before we say anything to a stranger. We have chosen to work harder at our jobs to succeed while we feel tired to work on the necessary relationships of our lives. “Sorry I do not have the time to attend to your human wants honey because I am too busy attending to the wants of a heartless entity I work for.” Money takes precedence over humanity. We have increasingly become more critical, untrusting and disrespectful of the opposite sex. Socially we have become stranger and paranoid. We look at almost everyone with suspicion. We may live in a community for several years yet we do not know our very neighbors name. Personally we have become more egoistic and arrogant regardless of what we truly are. We have become more demanding and short-tempered. We choose to be rude, unhappy and disrespectful to others over the most minor of incidents. Dignity and self-respect is put in the bottom shelf. We have increasingly become cynical human beings.

We hate and condemn narcotics traffickers and producers yet we pay top dollars to abuse our bodies with such drugs. We despise and religiously oppose prostitution, sex crimes, sex trafficking, child pornography, but yet we create a demand for them by indulging in such heinous and animalistic behaviors that are serious crimes against humanity. Are the producers and traffickers worse or the people who create the demand for such industries by paying top dollars worse?  The producer often escapes the legalities due to their connections while the consumers of such vices are clearly visible and yet not charged because of their fame and money. Yet the strictest of laws and severest of punishments are generously doled out on the victims of sex trades and traffickers of narcotics.

Look at the state of all these religions across the world. What a paradoxical mess they are in. Holy men caught in sinful acts. Religions of peace are being tainted by acts of chaos and terror. Men are treated as Gods by highly educated people, while God has lost his value over the many rituals and norms of the man-made religions. When all prophets were sent by one God and all are have the same family and creation, why do we separate them by different man-made religions and rituals? Yet, strangely the modern and evolved man chooses to follow the age-old paradigms developed by men thousands of years ago. Common knowledge about faith indicates that God created mankind in his own image and conveyed the message to live in peace, be humble, respect and serve humanity, treat each other like you would want to be treated yourself, love thy neighbor, be righteous, uphold morals, and help the needy and the poor. But the religions that were developed by the followers of the prophets and not the prophets themselves advocate segregation of humanity by religions, hate people who do not support your religious rituals, norms and beliefs, be violent, burn, kill and be arrogant and feel superior. I wonder if we are truly this blinded by the rituals of the religions to see the message of the creator. When we all read the same message in different books, why do we fail to see the similarities? People have become more religious lately but less spiritual. They choose to show their faith and religion by the display of their clothes and words rather with their conduct and character. I find it very funny to see people looking up towards the sky when seeking help from God when God is considered to be omnipresent? God in all faiths asks to help humanity. If this is so, is it necessary to help and feed the poor and serve humanity under the condition of changing their religion? Does charity have to be billed as Christian, Islamic, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist or any other denominational charities? Can’t we be just simple human beings and help our fellow kind regardless of their cast, creed, color or faith?

Many of us thrive on our relationships in our lives. These relationships feed our need for love, compassion, comfort, and a sense of belonging. The importance and influence of these relationships plays a vital part in the formation of our characters, behaviors and lifestyle choices. Yet there are those who are extremely callous with such relationships. Many cheat in love when they expect loyalty and honesty in it. Some have less value for the ones who make major sacrifices for their love over people who flatter their false egos. People begin to realize the worth of people only after they lose them from their lives. We are often too late to say sorry and speak words of love. We often remember the hurt someone has caused us and forget the good they have done and the happiness they gave us. People increasingly are becoming into more pseudo personalities in this world when it’s hard enough to be your true self. And for momentary happiness or satisfaction that usually doesn’t last for more than a few hours we choose to sacrifice our futures. Instant gratification has become the norm and thus once again we create yet another industry to feed our vain behaviors. We carry more applications on our phones than we can care to use, we live in bigger houses with fewer people, buy more than our affordability, talk but don’t listen, and then blame everything around us but ourselves. People hold on to a much higher sense of self entitlement. They no longer are humble and many feel they deserve much more and all others in their lives need to keep honoring their inflated self-worth by complying with their ever-rising demands. They never take the time to reflect on their true worth or think if they will do the same if someone else made such demands of them.

Sensible humans, Insensible beings !

Be a better person

 

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“For things to change, you’ve got to change. For things to get better, you’ve got to get better.” ~Jeff Olson

As time passes and we grow from one stage to another we often make subtle changes to ourselves. We upgrade our wardrobe to the current trends, we upgrade our gadgets, car and several other things as we feel necessary. Similarly, we also grow into more mature and understanding beings. Our perceptions change and so does our demeanor. How we look at a particular situation changes over time.  All such changes are made almost involuntarily. Many a times, we do not even realize these changes in ourselves. Perhaps, it is accepted as a natural progression of life.  But seldom do we change ourselves voluntarily in an effort to become better.  We take great comfort in being highly critical of others and the world around us. We also take great pride and pleasure in pointing out the mistakes in others and offer solicited or unsolicited advises to people on how to improve themselves and where they are going wrong. But never do we reflect upon our own actions and deeds. How often do we truly analyze our own character and personality in order to make ourselves a better person?

“Character is a quality that embodies many important traits, such as integrity, courage, perseverance, confidence and wisdom. Unlike your fingerprints that you are born with and can´t change, character is something that you create within yourself and must take responsibility for changing.”  ~Jim Rohn

 As human beings we need to make gains and progress towards positive changes, behaviour and attitude towards life, others and above all ourselves. When we truly indulge in developing ourselves to form good and positive personalities, we begin to feel different and see the world in a better light.  This positive personality trait is as infectious as any virus can be and it only helps make our immediate surrounding and eventually the world we live in a  much more positive and happier place to be and raise our children. As human being sharing this world of ours and resources there in and having been created alike, we cannot afford to shrug our responsibilities to the societies we live in and our fellow species. If not anything, we can at least make genuine efforts and help ourselves to become positive people and uphold good values and make positive contributions to our world. In order to do this we need to begin first with ourselves, then our immediate home and family, then our close friends and then the world, in this particular order.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ~Leo Tolstoy

Our individual characters and behaviours often influences our out look towards our world and surroundings. We are in a positive mood we feel that we can face any challenge in this world, when we are in love, we promise to move the mountains if need me to get our love. And when we are depressed, even the simplest of problems appears as a burden, and simple hardships makes us feel we are being victimized.  We also take comfort in assuming that the hardships is life are unique to us. I myself have spent a lot of my time wondering “why me?”. As my older brother so eloquently puts it, “wallowing in my sorrow like a hippo in a swamp”.  We easily pull out a list of reasons to not improve ourselves and become better people. I rather blame our surroundings, the world and the dog two doors down for our problem and misery.   What we make this world out to be is from our mind. And how we choose to accept this world or change it is also by our own mind. But this begins with making ourselves better. If we look within ourselves and make the necessary positive changes, our outlook and attitude will change. It is all within. The wise men and women of the past have said it all. They have done and accomplished the impossible and left behind their legacy which speaks of their hardships, and challenges and how they conquered it all to change themselves and the world around them.

So how can be become a better person? Before I share some of my points which is not anything new though, I would firstly like to list a few well-known individuals who changed their world by changing themselves first. They too fought against their share of hardships and hurdles and changed their attitude and character to accomplish the impossible. This only goes to show us, that it is all within our will, determination and mind to self improve and change the world around us:

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Abraham Lincoln – One of the most amazing and often referred to.  Abraham Lincoln, lost his fiancé, had a nervous breakdown, first went into politics at the age of 23 when he campaigned for a seat in the Illinois General Assembly and failed. He was defeated in 8 elections. He once also opened a general store which failed after only a few months.

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Robert M Pirsig – His well known book “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” was rejected by 121 publishers. Since finally being published in 1974 it has gone on to sell millions of copies in 27 languages.

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Michael Jordan – A well publicized and well known fact about the most famous name in basketball was actually cut from his high school basketball team.

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 John Wayne – Before his successful acting career he was rejected from the United States Naval Academy.

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Steven Spielberg – This household name dropped out of high school and applied to attend film school three times but was unsuccessful due to his C grade average.

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Beethoven – His music teacher once told him that he was a hopeless composer.

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Harry S. Truman – This former US President was rejected by the US Military & Naval Academies due to his poor eyesight. At one point he was a clerk in a newspaper mailroom, and also an usher in a movie theater.

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Babe Ruth – This baseball legend struck out 1,330 times.

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Henry Ford – The Ford Motor Co was Henry Ford’s third business, the first two didn’t work out.

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Winston Churchill – This former British Prime Minister did poorly in school and had a speech impediment in his early years.

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Marilyn Monroe – Marilyn Monroe spent much of her younger years in foster homes. One of her first jobs, during the Second World War, was inspecting parachutes. Producer told her she was “unattractive” and could not act.

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Walt Disney – He was fired by the editor of a newspaper for lacking in ideas.

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Soichiro Honda – The founder of Honda was turned down for an engineering job by Toyota after World War Two.

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Charles Darwin – His father told him he would amount to nothing and would be a disgrace to himself and his family.

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Albert Einstein – He learned to speak at a late age and performed poorly in school.

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Thomas Edison – As a boy he was told by his teacher that he was too stupid to learn anything.

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Isaac Newton- He failed at running the family farm and did poorly in school.

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The Vice President of Columbia told this actor that he was never going to make it in the business. The actor? – Harrison Ford

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Turned down by a recording company saying “We don’t like their sound and guitar music is on the way out” They were talking about the Beatles

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Were told by Publishers that “anthologies didn’t sell” and the book was “too positive” Rejected a total of 140 times. The book? Chicken Soup for the Soul. It now has 65 different titles and has sold over 80 million copies all over the world.

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Was not allowed to wait on customers in the store he worked in because “he didn’t have enough sense” – F. W. Woolworth

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Auditioned for All My Children and got rejected – Julia Roberts

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Received 30 rejections and the author threw it in the trash. Luckily his wife fished it out again and encouraged him to resubmit it. The book was Carrie – the author Stephen King

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Gandhi, gave up on this wealth, and many worldly things to first change his attitude and behaviour. Then he set on to change his fellow country men. And thus achieved the impossible and changed the world for ever.

 

“It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.” ~ James Gordon

 

There are a number of things we can do as individuals to develop a good positive personality that will attract others to us in a positive manner, help us achieve more, develop self-confidence and above all eventually inspire our immediate surroundings.

First, one has to be honest to self. They need to indulge in self-analysis and see for themselves how does their current personality compare. You have to take time to truly understand your rights, wrongs, character, strengths, weaknesses, and identify the need to make the necessary changes in a genuine effort to change yourself for the better and eventually become a successful, positive and greater person.

Next, be positive. Try to look at life in a lighter way. Smile and laugh at things, adopt a humorous perspective to things as and when you can. Laugh, be happy, share a joke or two, this helps you learn to take things positively and handles stress better. It is true when they say a laugher a day keeps the doctor away. It improves your health, good for your lungs, and heart. I still remember a comment on my end of school send off card, where one of the fellow students wrote that they liked me and I was their most favourite person in school they will always remember because I always had a smiley face and was spreading happiness around by being so. If you are a happy person wearing a smile always, your happy disposition usually will attract people to you, and you will always be perceived in a much better light and loved by all.

Then, show your positivity and expresses it positively as well by actions and behaviour. Be helpful and offer a helping hand to your fellow human beings. Like you and I each of us need some help or the other at times in life. Let your actions show the world of your mind and heart. Show it in actions by helping one and other. Be purposeful and useful to others. The gratitude and sense of purpose you feel by helping others is far greater. It in turn builds your own self-esteem and gains more respect and appreciation from others.

And last but certainly not least, learn to and strive to become a better human being. Let go of ego and pride. Be humble, be polite, be kind to others, express appreciation and appreciate any good you find in others. Become the change you like to see in the world you live, if you want to see better fellow human being first you become one yourself. Become positive, become happier, do greater things for greater cause, help others, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Be human.

“Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.” ~Socrates

Realize your true, authentic self. Remember that your personality and character is nothing more than how you react, act and interact in this world. How people see you and identify you by your good attributes. And this personality stems from your innermost thoughts, perceptions, ideas, and eventual actions and expressions. Allow your character be developed, let it progress, let it be unique and make it great and make it yours.

Here are some ideas to help build a positive character and personality. Following these can and will help you become more popular, likeable, loveable, and impact your life positively:

Identify yourself first: Be reasonably self-analytical and critical. Compare yourself to an ideal personality you seek to become and ask yourself why that personality. Identify areas you need to develop or improve. Try to understand who you really are, where do you come from, and what are the good and bad morals and values of who you truly are.

Recognize the need for improvement and progress: Realize your pitfalls and mistakes. List areas of improvement and development needed. See where you what to be, how do you want to be, how do you want people to see you as. In doing so, ensure you are being realistic and are aiming for honest, moral and positive attributes.

Learn willingly and openly: Learn from others, pick their goodness and good wisdom, and reject their bad habits and beliefs. Search for good sources to learn from all and every experience from your life. Don’t reject anyone or any things you can learn from. Wise wisdom can be found in any place from anyone, so can immoral aspects. Choose the good and keep learning.

Take charge and responsibility: Know that you have the capability and courage to become who you want. Be determined and take charge of your own development. Not doing anything will not get you anywhere. So, become responsible and a confident individual.

Be genuine and honest: Be honest in your efforts. Be honest to self and be honest with others. Your honesty is clearly visible. Do not take others for fools and assume they can’t see your dishonesty. If people do not react it doesn’t mean they believe you. Your honest is very clearly visible in your actions, deeds, and words.

Be considerate and polite: Develop basic skills to behave, talk, act and think in a considerate and polite manner. By respectful of others before you expect them to show these attributes to you.

Follow through with your commitments: When you give your word or commit to something, be bold, courageous and honorable enough to follow through with your actions. Whether it is in a relationship or work, one has to learn the value of integrity and consequences of misleading someone and having them pin their hopes, desires, wishes and emotions to their commitment. A person, who doesn’t stand by their word and follow through in actions, will never be able to find true happiness or respect within or from others. 

Be selective and aware of your choice of words: Use positive words always. Speak softly, yet clearly and firmly. Think of sentences and words before you speak to avoid misunderstandings. Use kind and eloquent words when and where possible. Control your voice when you speak. Be aware and respectful of your surroundings. Think how you are coming across to your audience.

Be sensible with criticism: Do not criticize. You may casually be critical amongst your close friends and family, but be aware there is a limit there too. If people laugh along with you it doesn’t mean they approve of your criticism. And remember that there is only a fine line between criticism, constructive criticism, condemnation and character assassination.

Be a good listener: One of the key factors is to be a good listener. Learn to be patient, show genuine interest, look them in the eye, and truly listen to what they are saying to you. Ask questions, don’t interrupt, and be considerate.

Motivate and Inspire: Speak words and act in a manner that inspires and motivates others to become positive and happier. I call these putting butterflies in their stomachs. Say things to help others that make sense and makes then smile and ticklish in their stomach. Recognize Good and appreciate it: If you recognize and appreciate a good behavior in a person, it makes the other person repeat this particular behavior more. When you see good, walk up to this person and express your appreciation. You thereby build their confidence and boost their positive behavior.

Be generous and helpful and expect nothing in return: Help others generously. Help by sharing knowledge, teach, share wealth with the poor, share your wisdom, your experiences, and share your goodness. Do it with humility by understanding you too take and need others help in life. Do it freely as a good human being and expect nothing in return.

Be humble and grateful: Thank people, give away your ego in exchange for gratefulness. Be nice, and do not show off. Let yourself be known by your character and elegance. Not as a shameless and cheap loud mouth.

Be honorable and loyal: Keep your, morals, values, principles and honor intact. People will learn to depend on you based on these virtues.

Carry a great sense of humor: This one attribute will help you sail through any problems, complexities, stress and relationships. Take a lighter look at situations and learn to see the funnier side of things. Laugh at them and share the laughter. Learn to laugh at yourself.

Don’t procrastinate: Make it a habit daily to list things, then prioritize them and aim to complete the top three at least in a given day always. This will eventually give you a tremendous sense of accomplishment and impact your attitude positively.

Take care of your appearance: Don’t become careless and disregard your appearance. Always aim to look good, maintain good hygiene, appear to be clean, smell good, and dress well. Take care of your health, weight, and appearance.

Earn respect: Don’t expect people to respect your title, age or gender. Earn their respect by behaving in a manner that contributes to your title, age and gender. Earn the right to give advice, comment, or speak. Give respect before you expect it from others. Command respect by your behavior; do not shamelessly demand it when you do not get any.

Life Happens