Tag Archives: depression

No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking


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“Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.” ~Stanley Arnold

Problems! Dont we all have them? Relationship problem, financial problem, technical problem, political problem, etc. The list could possibly never end.  We face problems from the day we begin to breathe. Even the most basic aspects of life begins as a problem. Unable to talk, walk, express moods, communicate, eat, were all once problems. But we didn’t see these as problems. Even in our infant stages of life without adult thinking abilities, we are naturally wired to resolve them. We try, and try again until we over come these “problems”. Perhaps it is our most basic instincts and nature to see each of these problems as challenges and approach them relentlessly as opportunities to grow. Many of us as kids often take the same approach towards over coming many of our challenges too.  We will stay up all night, fight sleep and often skip meals to repeat all the stages till we overcome all the stages until we beat it and finish that video game. And once beat that game what do we do? We go get the next tougher game to beat.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems. – Mohandas K. Gandhi

This wonderful attitude and behaviour pattern surprisingly fades as we grow older. We lose the vigor and the attitude we take towards solving the problems we face. Certainly, the problems do become a bit more complex in life. But sadly our attitude and approach becomes lot weaker. We learn to take on more stress, worry more, procrastinate, escape from problems or find excuses. But what would life be like if we didn’t do these and continues to approach every problem in our adult life as opportunities to solve them? We would invent or develop “solutions”! Solutions to enable people to carry over 10,000 songs in a tiny chip, solutions to fly over 200 people on a 710,000 lbs of aircraft across the atlantic, solutions to over come our common or complex problems in life. The key is how we approach these “problems” in life.

“Cubixrule” is a term I came up with for the process I use to solve many things that I consider a problem. It is rather an unconventional way to approach a problem where I learned to see them as an opportunity to find or develop a solution rather than worry about it endlessly and let it consume my life and health.

The term “Cubixrule” itself was inspired from Rubik’s Cube, which I was introduced to by my older brother when I was about 11 years old. It was the hottest things in the world then. Everyone was talking about the complexities of this puzzle and were racing to figure out a solution. After several weeks I had developed a solution on my own. Ever since I learned to solve it by myself by developing a few short series of algorithms, I began to apply the belief that if I could solve such a complex puzzle, I must be able to solve many other problems as well.

Many years later, my older brother once again got me another puzzle. This time it was another puzzle developed by the same inventor Rubik again. This one was called Rubik’s clock. Along with this puzzle, my brother gave me a copy of a Time magazine in which there was a small article about this new puzzle and how the inventor himself was seeking a physical solution still. The computer suggested a few million possible solutions to this puzzle, but an actual physical solution was not developed yet. Unlike the cube this puzzle was a disc with nice clock faces on either side. The objective was to turn the four dials on the side of this puzzle and get all the nine clock hands to the 12’0 clock position on both sides.

Three and a half days later, I had solved the puzzle and had developed a 17 step solution to solve the puzzle in less than 30 seconds. Once again I applied the “Cubixrule”. By this time, I had formed a definition for this word in my mind. It was a few positive fact based statements to define the thought process to solve a given problem.

Cubixrule – is a thought process where it is believed that: “Every problem has a solution. It is only a problem until a solution is developed by someone. Therefore, every problem is nothing more than an undeveloped solution. And the challenge to be the first one to develop the solution is an opportunity to lead the world to a new higher level”

I have since often reverted to “Cubixrule” when ever I have been pushed against the wall by a problem or stressful issue in life. My mind begins to think of various possible solutions that I can possibly come up with in a short period of time. And strangely after mulling over this phase for some time, I often stumble upon the “Eureka” moment often in the middle of the night or in my dream. This eureka moment is when I come up with a solution that was earlier considered to be unthinkable, unimaginable, impossible, or often simply plain stupid. And it arrives with a sense of confidence, and vigor that never dies until I have tried it and made it work.

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” ~Anthony J. D’Angelo

But “Cubixrule” has its challenges too. Because it involves a level of unconventional thought process, sense of immense confidence in self and determination to come up with a solution that was undeveloped ever before, it may be considered to be stupid by the world around us. Historically, when someone spends their time on doing something that is popularly considered to be as impossible, it has always been considered to be a waste, an effort in vain, and often stupid. And the challenge is not to give in to this pressure. Never!  There may be several trials, errors and failures in Cubixrule. But being persistent, logical, analytical, and realistic is a must if you are determined to succeed. It is also important to always see every failure as a lesson to learn from and build on its teachings. Always remind yourself that the problem on hand is just an undeveloped solution.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~Albert Einstein

It is true when they say that: “Only the ordinary people do the most extraordinary of things”. Every scientist, politician, visionary, inventor, discoverer, musician who gave our world many wonderful things and knowledge were once considered to be ordinary. Each and every one of them faced their hardships, critics, ridicule, depression, stress and obstacles and overcame them by their own respective versions of “Cubixrule”. They each did the extraordinary. The saw the undeveloped solution and set to develop one themselves and eventually proved their world wrong.  If one digs a little deeper into any of the major inventions, processes, solutions that we enjoy today and how they were developed, we will soon learn that each one of them faced and over came their problems by seeking out the respective solutions.

How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself – so always think positively. – Norman Vincent Peale

Likewise, we are all such ordinary people who can certainly do extraordinary things. Many of us many not realize that we have been doing many such things since our childhood. If we were people who fear failure or what people will say or think we would have never learned to walk as a child, we would have never learned to speak, learn, express our feelings, study, face the world, have relationships, grow up and succeed. But we did and continue to do such things all the time. We each faced our share of respective challenges and over came them after a few falls, failures, trials and errors. Some hurdles in life may be small and some very tough, but nevertheless, we  use our internal positive will and energy to over come them. We can move further to solve many such problems in our lives and accomplish many extraordinary things. All we got to do is to see each problem we face with our version of “CUBIXRULE” based on our objectives, will, and the desire to solve it. Be it a financial problem, a relationship, a work related, mechanical, or any problem that life throws our way, the attitude, will, and the determined approach we apply will eventually help solve it. The art is to look at the “problem” as an “opportunity” or a challenge to use all our skills, experience and intelligence to find a solution and solve it!

So, what is your problem?


Learning to appreciate life and being grateful


For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, for love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wake up with a sever head ache often. Lying on the bed and staring at the ray of morning sun light on the wall that breaks through the curtains into my room, I reluctantly think of my sad life briefly and curse every moment of it. Why do these things happen to me? what did I do wrong to deserve this?, why cant anyone understand me or just simply reciprocate my honesty and genuine love with theirs? What does it take for people to be nice and honest?…… this bloody job I go to go to this morning… ah! I hate this life, I hate it vehemently and I hate the state of affairs!

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.  ~Epictetus

 These were the things I used to think almost every single morning after my divorce a few years ago. These feelings and thoughts were often compounded by the drudgery of day to day living with my bitter self and extremely critical and cynical outlook towards life. And I loved it! It soothed my soul with self pity. I could cuddle my thoughts and my love and pain for self and sleep away in my tears until the next time the sun breaks through those bloody curtains in my room. A lifestyle as my beloved brother so eloquently puts it: “wallowing like a hippo in a swamp”. A despicable life of absolute ungratefulness, total disregard to the people who still love me, support me, care about me, and disrespect to my work, my colleagues, their collective support and understanding and all the wonderful things I am gifted with in my life.

After the daily ritual of waking up with such extreme negativity I choose to conveniently forget the wonderful shower I have under the 10 inch Rain shower head that I had installed, sit in my super gorgeous Audi A6, listen to the soothing music on my Sirius Sat Radio, and glide to the prestigious company that I work for. I treat myself to a fancy lunch with my colleagues, return home in the evening and visit my brothers house and share a few million laughs with my ever entertaining and extremely funny nephews, get smothered in love, affection, concern from my family, then continue to meet with my friends and enjoy a few drinks and share a few more laughs and get back to my dungeon late at night. Dungeon: that is exactly where I lived. A nice 3 bedroom brightly lit house filled with old bad memories and my lonely self. And then I continue to wallow like a hippo in a swamp.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues. — Cicero

 

Oh yes. I did many other things I could to divert my attention and try to appreciate the pain and sorrow of others. I sponsored a child, gave away money as much as I could with all the generosity I could muster. I helped everyone as usual without any regard for self and my own need for rest, money, security etc. All and anything I could do to help others as I always do and even more now. Volunteer at the local shelter for the homeless, donate food to the food bank, and be as charitable as I possibly can be.

Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life. — Christiane Northrup

 

But what I never did was be grateful for what I have and the amazing life I could live where I could do all these wonderful things for others and the endless love, support and the joy I could share with my wonderful family and friends. The concept of Thankfulness and Gratitude didn’t exist in my swamp! Not a single bit! Yeah, yeah! They told me everything I knew already. Be positive, look at the tragedies other people have gone through and still continue to be positive in life, take up a hobby, appreciate life so on and so forth. But they haven’t been hurt like I have. They haven’t experienced my pain. How world they know? They were never betrayed, they weren’t emotionally abused, looted, pillaged and lived through what I called a “Shakespearean “betrayal! Ha! Advice is cheap! Save your breadth, do not teach me the things I already know, but just simply keep giving me love and sympathy. That is all I needed now. And I continued to become a bitter person every day and morphed into this obese sloth that always had something negative or cynical to say about almost everyone or anything that I came across. Look at that idiot how he is driving his car, stupid waitress, ruthless boss, unjust and over demanding customers, lazy goal keeper, bloody airline staff, and thus the list continued.

To live a life of gratitude is to open our eyes to the countless ways in which we are supported by the world around us. Such a life provides less space for our suffering because our attention is more balanced. We are more often occupied with noticing what we are given, thanking those who have helped us, and repaying the world in some concrete way for what we are receiving. — Gregg Krech

 

Then one fine day, I woke up just simply tired! TIRED! Tired of being me, and what I had become. No, I didn’t have any life altering experience, no incident of intense inspiration, no epiphany, no bolt of lightning! Just simply woke up totally tired of being a despicable negative slob. I dragged myself to the mirror in the washroom. Took a good look at myself. And there I found this animal I never knew. Jouls hanging like a bulldog, a big pot belly, man boobs, unkept 70’s style long hair, a permanent frown, bags under my eyes, and just horribly haggard. And I couldn’t help think of this whole world around me and how they continued to still respect me, tolerate me, love me, and support this monster I had become. This negative, ugly, bitter and ungrateful monster, that I myself would never want to do anything with.

I soon began to realize a few very important things as I continued to ponder on what I had in my life as opposed to wallowing on what I didn’t have. I am an intelligent person with great wisdom. I am free and without any serious responsibility but for my own self. I have sufficient time on my hands. I am educated, smart and well informed. People value my opinions, seek my advice often, some look at to me for guidance or inspiration. I am nothing short of a perfectly able person with the ability to think on my own and free to choose how I want to live. And yet I chose to live the way I did. There was nothing holding me back to achieve what ever I wanted or desired for. And if there were any obstacles on my chosen path, like they always do, I could certainly come up with something to overcome them or avoid them based on my skills, intelligence and choice. But in order for me to help choose to make this very necessary charge towards a positive life I needed to do one thing first. I had to realize and deeply understand the amazing things I am truly blessed with. I needed to learn to appreciate the things and people around me with absolute honesty and humility. I had to learn to be grateful!

What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it–would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have. — Ralph Marston

 

Since then, my life has been pretty good. I laugh at the silliness of the drivers in rage, I have learned to be more patient with the waitress, understanding of my bosses challenges and limitations, more empathetic of my customers situations, cheer on the goal keeper for at least trying his best to stop the puck,  request for the window seat as opposed to rudely demand at the check in counter, and understand their challenges too and do not expect to get a window seat and be pleasantly surprised when I get one. Life became easier, and suddenly I begin to notice nicer people, kinder people, more smiles and tolerance. With this came the can do attitude, the courage, the art of working towards solutions as opposed to worry about problems, and above all making better choices and taking full responsibility for my choices and the resulting outcome.

 

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. — Marcel Proust

 

I believe that all of us are too busy in our respective lives lost in our work, sorrows, pains, relationships and momentary self gratification my accruing materialistic things. We are too busy satisfying our bosses, our friends or loved ones, or just pampering our own self, our inflated egos, our sorrows and complexes. And being lost in this fast changing indulgence of momentary experiences of small satisfactions we often neglect the very core things, people, and experience that nurtures, feeds and holds our soul. These are often the experiences and things that mater the most in our lives, which we unfortunately only realize after having lost them.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

 So, take some time from your life to think about those people who hold you, understand you, support you, and care about you. Take some time to list the wonderful things that you have in your life for a change. Take the time to count your blessings. And think how your life would be without these people, and things. And when you will naturally experience the appreciation of these people and things, get up and go express your gratitude. Express your gratitude just in words but by your actions, deeds and the way you honor them by taking care of your life. And there beings your first step towards living a truly happier and satisfying life.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.  ~William Arthur Ward

A few things you can do to become a more thankful being and appreciate life more.

  • Count your blessings, the things you have and the people who are always there for you (in person, morally, emotionally etc)
  • Enjoy what you have and do not cry over the things what you don’t. But also work towards getting the things you desire. They will not come to you by being bitter. Work towards it, earn it.
  • Exercise your choices in life and choose to be positive and better. Not negative and bitter.
  • Be generous and help others. By sharing their problems that you can help diminish will help you appreciate the problems that you do not have. Offer to help others if and when you can.
  • Be charitable. Support those who are less fortunate.
  • Thank others as much as you can. Express and show your appreciation for the things they do for you. Send a thank you note, give a hug, phone them and let them know you appreciate their presence in your life.
  • Practice some self criticism in an effort to self improve always. Learn to look at your life as an opportunity to do something positive as opposed to wasting it away in worries, anger, bitterness and hatred.


Weight Loss anyone?


 

 

 

You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.David Viscott

If you look good you feel good. It appears that people who feel good usually tend to set a higher goal to achieve and move ahead. They exude a level of positive energy that helps them catapult themselves to achieving greater things in life. And one of the things that helps a person feel this good is being healthy. It is perhaps one of the single most important aspect that contributes to a great living and positive life.

This is yet another universally well-known fact that we usually pay very little heed to, and continue to indulge in habits and behaviours almost deliberately that makes us unhealthy. And one of the most common and notoriously famous is our body over weight. I am one who is guilty of this as well. Yes, I am fat and I do not wish to be unrealistically sensitive and deliberately oblivious about the obvious lard I carry around my belly. But unlike many, I choose not to blame the habits, diet, or the activities, or my life style but I instead put it squarely on my choice.  

I once saw a famously handsome actor on a talk show after his movie was released where he portrayed a character as a rather chubby person. He was back to his slim handsome self on the show. So the talk show host asked him how he managed to put on that much weight and reduce it so fast. His answer was rather simple but I found it to be quiet profound in a way. He said: “Its simple, you eat a lot of calories and don’t work out or choose a lifestyle that doesn’t burn your calories to put on weight, or eat lesser calories and work out to burn your excess calories, simple!”.

In my daily life I used to live like a slob mostly. My mornings through the coffee drive through is like a stealthy spy trying to avoid the peering and harsh list of fat doughnuts, muffins and sandwiches screaming at me to pick them up. My stop at the gas station is another bloody battle from those gleaming shiny bars of chocolates strategically sitting by the counter waiting to catch my eye, and those horrible bag of chips sitting all puffed up and pretty wearing the pictures of the contents within to tease me. And Oh! Don’t mention the array of stout cans and bottles of drinks standing tall in line like marching soldiers looking at me through their well stocked glass door refrigerators! Ah! What a battle it is daily! And the horrible Clerk at the till: “Would like to pick up two bars of these Chocolates and get a gazillion points for putting on those extra pounds sir?” Please??? Batting her fake eyelashes!

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.William Gilmore Beymer

Anyways, the time had come! I could barely see my manhood standing straight! I officially had a belly! A Paunch! A disgusting mass of fat belted around my waist. And that was it! I am not going to be another slob and make excuses anymore. I had to do something about it! So my first few attempts were to ask a few friends, then a few guys at work, and try a list of endless diets. The friends agree and say they too will join you, but they wont, people at work will give you pointers that are the usual run of the mill, others who have some sort of structure offer to train you and write up a training program for you, and the diets work great for a while and you eventually give up as usual. You can go for a cleanse, inject B12 shots, eat cabbage soup, balance your intake of calories with the new fad diet, cut carbohydrates and kill yourself with protein, and the list goes on. You  water the first week, the second week your craving for sugar and carbohydrates start making you mad, and by 3rd week you don’t need an excuse to give it all up because by now you have already lost a few pounds. Now you put it all back in just 4 days.

So, I decided to go to a gym and pay for a personal trainer who will perhaps give me some intelligent and educated advice and put me on some kind of a plan. After floundering through a list of great deals offered by the numerous gyms, I chose one were I will not have to find myself amidst a crowd of steroid junkies or people who look like models for a Fitness magazine where I will have to squirm and cringe with shame. I also looked for someone who had some credentials. Like who has got some certificate in weight training, and has schooled in body fitness programs etc.

I had my first meeting with him. He started talking about what you eat; tell me about your life style, what are your life goals, what motivates you etc. I bluntly told him look buddy. Don’t patronize me and waste my time here. I have done it all, the diets, the dramas, and the excuses. I have done the research and picked you for your reputation and credentials. So let us cut the pep talk and get to the program. Build me a program based on my body that I will not give up due to excessive fatigue, and I can gradually increase the intensity that will help me get back to shape. I have made up my mind and chosen to make myself healthy and feel good. There was nothing that could stop me.

Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.Ralph Marston

He first made me stand on a scale. It was a funny scale with a digital monitor and rabbit ears that I had to hold on to for about 2 minutes. It spat out a printout at my lard covered body. It is called a Body Composition Analyzer. It did a simple math that is available on several websites (just search for body mass calculator) and listed my body mass index and details. It said how much I am over weight, how much fat I have in my body. Where are the fat concentrations on my body, what my ideal weight is, and how many calories I will need to burn per day in a six-week program or a 10 week program to get to my ideal weight? So I had to loose 1200 calories per day for a 4 week program to get back to my ideal weight and statistics. It will bring me back to shape, increase my stamina, increase my energy and hopefully enhance my libido.

 
Next the fat burning program. He gave me a 1 hour program and worked with me for the hour to show me what to do. 10 min on the elliptical trainer, 15 squats, 15 pulls on a rowing machine, 15 chest stretched with a 15 lbs weight, 15 times lie down and lift both your legs to about 30 degrees for my abdomen, 15 times lift 10 lbs weights from waist to shoulder with arms stretched, 15 times pick a 8 lbs ball from my left toe to right shoulder and vice versa for the opposite side. I was sweating like a roast pig in a smelter. Phew! He told me that was approximately a 600 – 700 calorie burn out. The rest I had to reduce with my calorie intake. Simple! If I do these 5 days a week for 4 weeks he says I will be back in shape.

I got back home. Went on the net to see how I can reduce calories. The research told me roughly 3500 calories equates to 1 lbs of body fat. You should not cut down more than 1000 calories per day from your daily current diet. So my quick calculation said cut my cola and soft drink intake (that’s 280 calories) opt for a 0 calorie drink, cut French fries (270 calories), cut down hamburgers (300-500 calories), chocolates (1 bar about 500 calories). So I need to make simple educated choices on what I eat and I can easily cut down over a 1000 calories per day and I needed to just cut down another 600 calories only with my work out. How simple is that?

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.Eleanor Roosevelt

Then I went on to learn a few simple common tricks:

  • 8 glass of cold water helps not only wash out the toxins but keeps you hydrated which makes you feel energetic and revived, it also helps make you feel full.
  • Eat frequent small healthy snacks between meals especially. A fist full of almonds, celery sticks, baby carrots, and a fiber bar etc. It stops you from over eating during regular meals and keeps you feeling full.
  • Eat slowly. Wait a few seconds before you fill your mouth again between bites. Your stomach needs a few seconds to get the food and tell your brain it is full.
  • Eat water melons, cantaloupes or an Apple at night at least 2 hours before you sleep. Have a low-calorie dinner basically.
  • Don’t deprive yourself of what you like. This only increases your cravings. Eat and indulge a little. But control your portions. You do not need to devour all that is on the plate. Eat what you feel like eating but control the portion or quantity.
  • Eat light for dinner. Or at least balance your intake. If you pigged out for lunch balance it for dinner and vice versa.
  • Don’t look for a closer parking spot at the grocery run or work. Park at the end and walk. It may be just a short distance but it helps your metabolism. You can walk for hours shopping at the mall so why can’t you just walk a short distance to and from your car? Take the stairs not the elevator for at least a few flights.
  • And don’t make excuses. Not tomorrow, not starting Monday, not after this weekend. Wake up. take a decision, and begin now! Do it now do it for yourself and don’t do it because people tell you.
  • Be healthy, and you will look very nice, feel positive and look at life differently. You will attract the opposite sex more frequently, agree or not it will help boost your morale and confidence. You will begin to think better, sleep like a baby, wake up fresh in the morning, work smarter etc. Make a positive choice and firstly make that choice about your health, appearance and habits.
  • Try carrying a bag weighing just 5 lbs for a day in your hand. Or just tie it to your waist for a day. You will soon realize how it will feel if you will lose that excess 5 lbs from your body. What many do not realize is how depressed they are when they are over weight. The realization comes soon when you begin looking weight. You sure feel much more positive and happier.   
  • You do not need to starve, drink or eat other clinically developed chemicals, get on a program where a stranger has to charge you to make you do the things you knew in the first place, cook special meals for yourself, or get you a secret potion. Just simply use your common sense and eat right and burn more.  
  • Remember – eat fewer calories and try to burn some daily. It is not a big secret or rocket science or you don’t need a fitness guru or a Doctor to tell you this. Yes, if you have any ailments or health complications Doctors are just like God sent. But for simple weight loss? Use your common sense and not your excuses!

Love food, eat well, remember that you only live once, so enjoy life, eat all the things you like, use simple common sense to be healthy!

The problem with people is that everyone knows when they need to lose weight but never do it. Like a smoker knows the dangers of smoking but still chooses to smoke. While the overweight individual looks at a smoker and thinks in their mind how stupid they are for not doing anything about it, the smoker thinks the same about the overweight individual. Not doing what is right and needed, and choosing to continue doing what is wrong is nothing but stupidity. One can choose to blame the world, the weather, people, and the dog next door. No matter how you spice it, dice it or slice it an “excuse” and it is nothing but just that – an “Excuse”.  And there is absolutely no one who can help you but yourself. It isn’t the next Fad diet, the old proven diet, the quick loss diet or the cleanse. It is you, your will and desire to look good, feel good and be happier! A diet program may be a good start for some, but the will to keep it going is all about you and your desire to get healthy and feel great.

The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.Benjamin Mays

So, get off the couch, stop opening the refrigerator door to see the contents there in for the 100th time in the day and do anything you can to burn just a few calories to begin with. Just take one such simple first step, then another a few days later and begin your journey to a better and healthier you. Try and experience a healthy you for a change. No, losing weight is not a cure to your life problems. But it sure helps you take a fresh new look at the same problems with a positive attitude and to act upon a solution to resolve them. It is simply amazing when you feel the sudden surge of energy and positivity than the lethargy and guilt!

More die in the United States of too much food than too little. _ John Kenneth Galbraith


Awaken your Conscience – the beginning to happiness and success


 

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The strange thing about us human beings is that we often spend a lot of time and energy searching for ideas, and answers which often are found within ourselves. Many blame the world and everything they can and some often find their answers within. One of the most important answer we often seem to seek is: if we are doing the right thing? Or is what we are doing good for us? And as many accomplished and successful people have pointed out based on their own experiences: “listen to your inner voice or gut feeling”. Somehow this inner voice seems to know all the right answers and helps guide you often to the right things in life. And when we do something wrong it begins to eat us up from inside with guilt. But this inner voice is only heard if one pays attention and takes the effort to query or listen to it. And it only works if you take the necessary positive actions to do the right thing. This magical phenomenon that all of us have been gifted with is almost like a divine compass called Conscience. Like all the greatest gifts that we have Conscience is also another intangible and immeasurable possession like love, feelings, thinking etc.

Conscience is often found as a feeling of remorse when a human being commits actions that go against his or her moral values and beliefs. Conscience is like an aptitude, intuition or judgment of our thoughts and behaviours that distinguishes right from wrong. And us humans are asked to invoke this conscience universally through all religious belief systems and by means of any basic intellectual norms.

The word “conscience” is derived from the Latin word conscientia, meaning “privity of knowledge” or “with-knowledge”. The English word implies internal awareness of a moral standard in the mind concerning the quality of one’s motives, as well as a consciousness of our own actions. Conscience may be defined as the practical reason employed when applying moral convictions to a situation The many philosophers, or saints often ask to invoke our conscience to develop it, as they themselves do through daily contemplation or meditation combined with selfless service to others. Such developed state of conscience helps create a strong sense of intuitive insight or revelation to many. This helps a person to use their intellect towards positive and humane causes, pursue further knowledge, be self critical with the focus of self improvement and on a general level apply fair justice in his or her life.  

Yet we, the most developed and gifted species choose to live by killing our own conscience. Our pride, ego, anger and prejudice help us do things against our very own conscience until it is too late. The sad fact is that while one does things that go against their own moral values or beliefs, the conscience keep telling them that it is wrong. Once we do things against our conscience and fail, our conscience begins to hurt us with the feeling of severe guilt. But instead of taking the necessary positive steps to undo the damage many still continue to stifle this inner voice with rage and anger or drown it in intoxication.  We the intelligent, civilized and knowledgeable species choose such.

It is plain common sense that many of our personal and worlds’ ills are result of actions in rage and blind fury. The things we say to hurt others, the things we do to hurt others and ourselves, the greed we posses, the prejudice we hold, the disrespect we show are some of the things we do often against our conscience. The violent killings, the communal  riots, steeling, damaging things, wars, or theft are all things that people do against their basic human moral values and beliefs.

But this gift of conscience is a wonderful thing. It is the conscience that makes the individual set out to accomplish great feats and do the impossible, it makes people charitable, invokes the wealthy to become philanthropists, invokes love, compassion, and righteousness. It makes us become better people, do greater things in life, and helps us succeed.

Some quotes on Conscience:  

 

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it.
Albert Einstein

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.
Thomas Jefferson

The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience.
Mohandas Gandhi

All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience.
George Washington

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.
Leonardo da Vinci

Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
Carl Jung

War is so unjust and ugly that all who wage it must try to stifle the voice of conscience within themselves.
Leo Tolstoy

When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society.
Pope John Paul II

 

Development of Conscience:

Most people live with a self conceived idea and parameters of morality. It may be okay to lie a little but not to deceive or they may be comfortable to speak just to the advantages of doing something but choose to hide the negatives. But in general terms there is limit to who they choose to do and what they do not based on their moral values and comfort. These limits they choose change though time based on their individual experiences, social pressures and norms, or communal rituals and belief systems. But the conscience within eventually brings about a sense of balance as an individual evolves. But until such time the turmoil one can endure often affects their success and happiness in life.

So, how can one develop sound and balanced approach towards nurturing their conscience and morality to live a happy, content, and successful and guilt free life?

There are several theories based on studies of set groups. But it takes some honest self criticism and the will to self develop to come up with some key objectives:

1)      One needs to see the need to self develop and the need to adhere to balanced and just moral values and conduct. This in turn helps develop their inner conscience on sound principles which will allow them to do what is right and make them feel bad when they go against it.

2)      Fair judgement on balanced opinions and values. This can be practiced by not immediately reacting to any given situation. Exercising calm and some thinking can always help take a positive approach towards issues at hand. This becomes crucial to control haste and anger where patience and understanding would be more valuable.

3)      Respect and Equality for one and all. This would avoid people holding prejudice and tame ones ego. People who do not practice this often continue to live a life of arrogance, and self indulgence at the cost of other people’s happiness, self respect and peace. But they also live a life of continuous fight against their inner guilt and general level of discontent about everything in life.

Life is too short to waste time over petty behaviours and toiling in guilt. Many of our ills and unhappiness are out of our own choices and actions in life which are often against out very one divine gift called conscience. Awaken your conscience, live happier and become successful based on moral and balanced conscience!


Economic Advices vs Commonsense?


Save, do not spend, but invest, in properties that are depreciating like cars, or invest in banks, insurance companies or energy companies or car manufacturers who will claim bankruptcy and have the Government bail them out using your tax dollars. Save! That’s the Mantra! Save and you shall become rich. Spend and you shall become poor. And it took a decline in the stock market, a plunge in the Dollar value and a chars in Europestock market to realize this. Further, it took the stupid channel on cable having an intelligent looking pretty face read of the teleprompter read out “..now we have an expert in Econocomic who is an author of : Another wise crack quoting flawed statistics to create fear for personal monetary benefits

 So what does these experts and so-called financial and economic Gurus say to the common man? Do not spend, save. Do not buy your fancy phones, cars, and luxuries of life that you so desire having worked your life off and pay a good chunk of it to the government. But do put the remaining pennies you bring home into a jar and “invest” it in companies that will either pay you minimal dividends over time or win your trust to invest more over a short period of time and finally declare bankruptcy once they have got all that they can make off you. Oh yes, do not worry, your tax dollars will bail them out should they fail and keep them afloat to ensure that they continue taking your money.

 Show me a man who became rich by saving and I will show you a few hundreds to one who became rich by earning more. Saving will help you not get poor, but earning more is the only way to become rich. Simple and common logic points to this basic fact. Ensure that your “needs” are fulfilled and put aside some if you have for a rainy day before you go get your “wants”.

The true fact is that the experts were wrong and continue to be wrong. Economy will not collapse, invest in real estate, build and they will come, people will buy anything that is cheap, invest in technology, invest in energy, and so on and so forth are all advice that never stuck. The experts who quoted them now sing a different song.

The common man pays. Pays for the governments blunders, pays as an investor, pays to take his own money out of a bank, pays his taxes, pays for his living, his needs, his wants, his familys’ needs and their wants and pays for his death. The people who find ways to take the common man’s money are those who make money. And amongst them who finds a way to take more money from the common man in exchange for something he needs, wants or places a higher value becomes rich. And those who do this frequently become richer. Trade: at its basic best.

We are forced to pay more of our hard earned money for many basic things that we shouldn’t. Health care, water, electricity, roadways and insurance are some that our tax dollars should cover. Yet we are forced and/or convinced to pay for such basic and rightful needs of ours  by age old philosophies, systems and concepts that are backed up by statistics that are produced by vested interests of the companies that service these industries. Spend! Not save! Yet the so called experts harp away the magic mantra of “Save”! Really genius? You have a platform today to dish out your cheap good for nothing advice because you are getting “paid” to say this and by creating some sort of fear and diversion from the reality where you make more money for fear mongering. When is the last time you saved? And if you did, what has it done to your wealth?

The facts remain to be facts. Not much that diverts from basic common sensibilities and logic.

  • Strive always to make more money. Earn more, innovate, think of ways to make more money by exchanging goods and services that others see value in.
  • Yes, do spend. But spend wisely. But your needs and your wants as and when you can afford it.
  • Save for a rainy day. Put some money aside just in case of emergency.
  • Enjoy life. Be happy and realize that many of these things can be sweeter with more money.
  • You live once, so do not live in constant fear and do not be foolish to pay high monetary value on momentary pleasures.
  • If you have excess, help others and the needy who cannot fend for themselves.
  • Invest only on secure ventures that ensure good returns. And you are willing to take chances, do not crib or cry when they fail you.
  • Make money and then spend it. Not the other way around.
  • Buying in credit with interest is nothing but fulfilling your wants by paying out of a possible income in your future for the product and paying more to the middle man in interest for allowing you to do so.
  • Remember that you can buy for $100 more today than what you can get for the same $100 a year later.
  • Learn to differentiate between depreciating assets and appreciating assets and put your money in the right kind.

Rather live a poor man with expensive experiences than be the richest man in the grave having lived a life of no pleasures.

Many experts have been very wrong. Many experts fail in their concepts. And ideas that seem to be true are dependent to that specific time, conditions, circumstances and period (which isn’t long). It never works if any of these parameters change. Ideas, concepts, theories and philosophies need to progressively evolve. Sadly they seldom do. New changing conditions do not adhere to age old paradigms. And economics is one constant proof of that. The economic super powers of yesterday are the rapidly dwindling debt holes of today. And those who were brandished as the poor nations and a country laden with street beggars are the economic stalwarts of today.

This comical madness of econophobia shall continue as long as we feed them with our money. First make yourself rich by earning more. Then perhaps invest with great caution and for decent returns gradually. Greed will get you. Greed will make the other man richer with your money. If you are greedy that is a great thing. It makes many people become rich and gives you a “chance” to become rich as well. But the “chance” is yours and only yours. For the gains for others are a sure fact.

Earn! Earn more!

Spend and rejoice of the money you earn.

Spend for good returns, or on things you place value in and not on those that give you nothing in return

Save just enough for your future (the future when you will not want to earn and live a retired life).

Save for emergency expenses.

Invest in yourself first! Invest in your happiness, life, and quality of life.

Invest in other ventures only on secure and substantial returns.

Gamble! A little risk is good. Simply because the returns are very good!

But do not blame a system or others for your greed!

Do not hate the successful and the wealthy, instead work towards becoming one of them or choose and work towards a comfortable economic state you are happy with.

Lastly, have some realistic expectations. You are not entitled for anything unless you work for it. NOTHING comes for free or easy. Ask your self what have you done or doing to get what you want.

Here are some select quotes:

If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion.  ~George Bernard Shaw

 

A happy life is one spent in learning, earning, and yearning.
Lillian Gish

 

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people inAmerica.  If I’m not there, I go to work.  ~Robert Orben

 

Education is not solely about earning a great living. It means living a great life.
Brad Henry

 

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.  ~Sam Ewing

 

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.  ~Bob Hope

 

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.  ~Max Amsterdam

 

When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.  ~Voltaire

 

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale.  ~Zig Ziglar

 

Economists are coming to acknowledge that measures of national wealth and poverty in terms strictly of average income tell you little that is significant of the health or viability of a society.
Rowan D. Williams

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.
Bill Vaughan

Economic Disparity Complex:

However, we are collectively witnessing a growing sense of self entitlement by the have-nots and a general sense of anger at those who have. As opposed to taking charge and responsibility of their own state of economic conditions, and taking steps to earn more and develop towards becoming successful, many choose to blame those at the opposite end of the spectrum for their lack of initiative or the system. Strangely, those who are considered to be wealthy in USA the now notorious 1% consist of many who crossed the width of economic disparity by making choices and working hard towards building their wealth. They chose to innovate, invent, take risk, work harder, and take advantage of those who spent their hard-earned dollars in exchange for their offerings. For example: It is largely the middle class and to a great extent the lower earning members of the economic ladder who seem to spend their hard-earned dollars on fancy phones and gadgets that are developed and sold by those who become wealthy. The strange and ironic fact is that the remainder of this 99% choose to spend their time to use the same cell phones and online social media to organize protests against those who became wealthy by selling these very tools.

Once again, out comes the “experts” with the statistics and advice on the 1% of the evil “wealthy”. The wealthy own majority of the shares in big companies, they earn more than the 99%, they live in bigger houses etc. Yeah? What are they supposed to do with the wealth they earn? Not invest in business they choose? Dont buy things they like? What about the philanthropic contributions they make? If they have earned it they can choose to spend as they wish. Like wise, those who are at the lower end of the economic ladder have all they need and the freedom to make real choices and actions to become wealthy. They can “get rich or die trying” – right Curtis? If only these half-baked statistics from these so-called “experts” were unbiased and gave the point of view for both sides. Then the number will perhaps indicate towards what the 99% should and could do to cross the economic disparity.

Being wealthy isn’t a crime neither is being self-sufficient and happy where you stand. The “American Dream” isn’t just being a millionaire or wealthy. For many it is owning a house, raising good and balanced children, sharing good and happy memories, a cozy family dinner at Thanksgiving or owning a sports car close to their retirement. And for those who want to do all this and more, there is nothing stopping you from working harder, smarter, taking risks, being innovative, and making more money. The difference is in your attitude, approach, will and choices.

For every person who says they do not have enough money to put themselves through school, there are several who work two jobs and put themselves through school.

For every person who blames the tax system and the amount they pay in taxes, there are several who take advantage of the welfare provided and several more who pay the taxes and still achieve their dreams and ambitions.

For every person who spends time blaming the system and the “wealthy: there are several who work hard and find ways to become wealthy.

For every person who resorts to borrowing money or living on credit there are several who strive hard to earn that money and live within their means.

There is no use of fear mongering and marketing what I call “Econophobia” by the media and the silly statistics put forward by the experts. They are no reliable than the weathermans’ predictions. If the past statistics have proved anything, it is totally unreliable and will change faster than you expect it to change. Your success and economic condition lies in your will, ability and desires. There is no one that can be blamed for your failures but yourself. Stand up and make the changes you need to become successful! 


SUPER HERO – you are no different from one.


 

 

You know, heroes are ordinary people that have achieved extraordinary things in life.  ~ Dave Winfield
 
 

The funny thing about us people is that we are perhaps the only species that does a mistake knowingly and with full awareness. We are the only creation on this planet that know what is wrong and still make a deliberate choice to do it anyway.A superior creation with the greatest gift of skills, knowledge, and abilities that surpasses every other creation, do this.We know the consequences of smoking and fully aware of the numerous stats and facts there are available, yet we willingly choose to smoke.We know how our actions, careless attitude and words may hurt the very people we love, yet we do it.We know what we need to do to succeed in life, become better people, and make simple yet great contributions to our world, yet we choose to take the lazy or easier path in life.

We the “Knowledgeable Man” – “Human Beings” do it.

If there is anything that the world, history, people, life, and every major event has thought us, it is that we people can do the most amazing of things in each of our lives. We can destruct, create, hate, love, take or give and live as nobody and stay bitter due to our prejudice or become somebody and leave behind a legacy. We can make great positive contributions to humanity, our family or even just one individual. We can influence, coax, inspire or provide.

Yet we either choose to do nothing or often choose to do what is wrong.

When we compare to those who lived just a few decades ago, we go to work in much more sophisticated cars, speak to people on a wireless telephone linked to our car via Bluetooth, work on a laptop with soft wares that practically required basic data input, come home to super think 3D TV programs, best of foods, inside our fanciest houses, and sleep on perhaps the most comfortable and scientifically developed luxurious mattress. And never stop finding reasons to complain about our life, people, fate, bad luck and anything we can find to blame things on!

A little patience and thought in making choices, a little bit of honest introspection, a positive attitude, some faith, and a whole lot of tolerance. Hold these together using sound morals, good values, and sincere and consistent attempts to make yourself a better person, shall make you nothing short of a “Super Human” or more so a “Super Hero”.

 

My heroes are the ones who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them. ~ Bono

 

So, what does this “Super Hero’s” do? Well, just about what we have known them for doing. They do good deeds, serve humanity, protect people and loved ones, help the poor and needy, fight every obstacle, fail but never give up, goes away in silent contemplation, returns with solutions and courage, accomplished their objectives, succeeds and become a hero amongst those who depend on them.

 
Nurture your minds with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.  ~ Benjamin Disraeli
 
 
In other words, they are generous and charitable in nature, helpful and giving in deeds, protective of their loved ones, willing to face every obstacle in life, and develop solutions to get over them, be willing to fail and learn from their experiences, always keep moving forward in life, think, indulge in some self-analysis, make some positive changes in self, change attitudes and muster courage and persevere until they win.If you give these a little thought, you will soon realize that every single one of these acts is possible by you, I or anyone else. Many of them are very simple ones. Easily do-able. The difference being the will and attitude! You do not have to freeze a lake, move a mountain, or fly around the world to do great things. Your greatness lies in the most simplest of things in your daily lives. Often your deeds are perceived to be much greater than you will ever know by those who value it and receive it. The drive, determination and will to keep trying to win regardless of the obstacles, failures, criticism, or time is what makes the difference.

 

Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They’re just braver five minutes longer. ~ Ronald Reagan

 
Try being a “Super Hero” for just one single moment every day. It may become a habit. That habit may inspire another. That inspiration may become contagious and Voila! You have single-handedly influenced the world around you by that 1 single moment by being “Super Hero”!  You can do small great things and be a hero at work, become a hero for your spouse, for your children, for your siblings, for yourself. Try it! It anything, it will only add just another positive moment to your life. No, it doesn’t take much. And once done, make it a habit and collect such several “Super Hero” moments and make your life worthwhile. Sponsor a child, a family, be charitable, volunteer at a local shelter for those in need, be compassionate, tolerant, loving, generous, selfless and forgiving.
 
 
The reason progress is slow is that we always expect other men to be the heroes and to live the heroic lives. But we all have hero stuff in us. In our sphere of life we can always live more heroically and triumphantly and grow in heroic stature.  ~ Wilferd A. Peterson

The right choice is often a difficult path


The right choice is often a difficult path

 

Amongst all the wonders we are blessed with, one of the most powerful things that we have got is the power of “free will” or Choice. Specifically the choices we can make in life on a day to day basis between good and bad and how we wish to be or become as evolving human beings. I must also say that I am aware that choices are at times limited to people based on the circumstances they live in, but I am talking about the choices that still many have in lives in an effort to have a better living and happier and meaningful lives regardless of their circumstances.

Choice: a mental process which helps us to judge and analyze from multiple options and selecting one of them based on preference. Choosing from these multiple options usually results in a consequence or a need for action that would eventually derive at a desired consequence.  In any given day as human beings we are subject to making several choices that affect our living. They may be from the simplest forms to complex in nature. The consequences of these choices or decision to choose one from another may affect our lifestyle, religious affiliation, political position, finances, attitude towards others, reaction to situations, and health.

Our life essentially is nothing but a collective result of the choices we have made along the way. There choices were made at several moments in life, based on several experiences and circumstances, but nevertheless these were our choices and we face and live the consequences of these very choices. We may choose to blame the circumstances, but nevertheless the choice was ours and we are solely responsible for those choices and the eventual outcome. We each have the power and freedom to choose right from wrong. Often we end up choosing easy from hard and sadly the hard ends up being the right one to choose. The righteous and just thing to do often involves hardships, disagreement from common folk, against certain odds, and at times contrary to common thinking. But it is in such choices that great accomplishments lie. Greatness has never been served on a silver platter, but it has only been earned by the choices made against all odds with the will, determination and perseverance. But it begins with the choice. And the power to choose is in your very power.

Before I was sent to England for schooling, my oldest brother sat me down and gave me a few valuable tips on what to expect and how to cope in a boarding school, new country, and above all how to uphold my dignity and self-respect. He always had a profound way to deliver his advice which would stick like a note with a board pin into my brain. His advises, as I can recall, always puts butterflies in my stomach and makes me smile as he would start off in all seriousness and end up with a hilarious one-liner and a smile. He told me about how friendships should be an equal relationship, how to take pride of who I am and uphold our decency, how to learn from my mistakes etc.  Among a barrage of things he threw at me that day over lunch he mentioned to me that there will be every vice, temptation, and choices of right and wrong thrown at me in my life as I go on. But, what makes one into a fine man or a failure, are the choices he makes and actions he takes once his choice has been made.

I was 17 then and I remember it was a Wednesday. Quiz day in Physics every Wednesday, first lesson in the morning. I wasn’t prepared, totally clueless and dumb as a needle on the subject that week. Perhaps my heart was too tangled in my dreams of falling in love with the amazingly new cute girl who helps out at our daily lunch hall. Anyways, as soon as our teacher came in, he passed out our question paper and told us that he will be very disappointed with anyone who will get less than 90% in this weekly quiz as it was one of his easier ones. Translated it means as follows: “It’s a tough paper, as it has just one question which clearly involves a lot of calculations. Should you get less than 90% he will put in a good word in our principal’s ear about our performance.” Having distributed the question paper and made his statement, he gave us 45 minutes to finish and he walked out of the class room.

The moment he walked out. There was the usual yet typical mumbling, cursing and looking at each others face for a few moments. Then one of us boldly walked up to the door stuck his neck out to see if our teacher wasn’t close by, and shut it back firmly and walked back to his desk. Quickly, almost everyone flipped out their text books and began to answer the equation precisely and fast. I looked around in amazement as I saw my buddies scribble away in a frenzy like they were writing their wish lists for toys and girls. I too had my text book with me, but I was thinking if I should or shouldn’t follow suit. And just then I remembered my power of choice and should my poor choice get the best of me, how will I let down my dearest brother’s aspiration about me. So, I sat there and stuck to my choice and decision to do the right thing and not cheat. My closest buddy glanced at me and asked me what was wrong? He quickly offered his text book to me to follow suit. I politely refused. He called me an idiot and nodded his head in disgust and disbelief. I sat through for 45 minutes and tried working out some other equation I knew as practice on a piece of paper. The teacher came back and collected everyone papers and took off again. 

Next morning I was at the center meeting hall in school where all students gather to grab their mug of coffee or tea before the classes begin. I knew I was going to be embarrassed and humiliated in my Physics class just before our first break. So I was being quiet and already being embarrassed of my upcoming doom. And before I realized, as all bad things do, the hour was upon my head. I dragged my foot from one class to another and planning out how I will react and how will other classmates react at the meeting hall soon after the class and spread the news about the scores to everyone in school. Particularly, how my score will be announced by our ever so sarcastic teacher in his classic British humor with a snide remark that will make everyone laugh. 

After all of us sat down and there was this impatient silence for a bit for the scores, our teacher called out my name first. I stood up with my chin stuck to my chest. He said I was the only student who passed the quiz and the rest failed. He further went on to say that if anyone disagreed with his scoring they were free to talk to the principal about it. For a moment I took it as his first sarcastic jab. I waited for a few more seconds for the next. But no one else reacted, and he asked me to sit down and continued with that day’s lesson. No one questioned his scores due to their guilt and I sat there feeling silly but yet still unsure of his decision. At the end of the class, he walked up to me as I was leaving the door, and said, he was extremely proud of my decision not to cheat and offered to tutor me after class if I needed any help in his subject as he was pleased to have a student with such honesty and integrity in his class.

During the break at the main meeting hall, my class mates walked up to me and shook my hand and said they had a lot of respect for me and my decision. They also went on to share this news with their other school mates. I was approached by other fellow school mates who heard about this and shook my hands and expressed their appreciation. And I was amazed to see how a simple choice to do the right thing could have such an amazing impact. I couldn’t help but think of what I had expected of my choice earlier that morning and what it had turned out to be. It was an experience that I still am very proud off till date. And it was an experience that thought me and reaffirmed what my brother had told me about choice. “What makes one into a fine man or a failure, are the choices he makes and actions he takes once that choice is made”.

We are always faced with such choices in our lives. We are always given these options and choices to choose from in almost every aspect of our life. But we need to have the wisdom, integrity, and the will to make the right choices for ourselves. The life we live is designed to challenge you to make the right choices in life. And each of your day to day choices result in a continuous change and the resulting consequences that shape your life. One must always remember that one can change his or her life by simply making the right choices in life. It’s entirely up to you. You can get rid of old habits, change unwanted situations, make better lifestyle choices, choose a better diet, choose better food, better friends, better reactions to situations and problems, and give yourself the wisdom and courage to achieve great things in your life by making good, educated and right choices in life.

Here are some chosen inspirational quotes from some well-known people, that helps understand the power of choice:

 “Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation.” – James Allen (1864-1912, author of As a Man Thinketh)

 “You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in the that field of possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” – Deepak Chopra (1946-…, physician and author of The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success)

 “Until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise” – Stephen R. Covey (1932-…, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

 “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”- Denis Waitley (1933-…, motivational speaker and author of The Psychology of Winning)

 The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice. – George Eliot

  Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable. – Peter F. Drucker

 It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny. – Jean Nidetch

In today’s world, many of us are also spoilt with choices. We do not know what is good for us and what is not. Young high school kids have trouble picking a profession, university or a carrier. Young graduates have trouble picking jobs, or company to work for, others have to choose their life partners, financial options, cars, life style, cell phones, televisions, computers, and even a simple cup of coffee is from a list of options and variations. There were times where I can walk into a Café and ask for a cup of coffee. I would get a cup of coffee, a jar of sugar and a pot of milk. Today in the name of quality service, brand and marketing gimmicks for an extra $4 whether you like it or not, you are forced to pick from Columbian, American, Costa Rican, host of other gourmet beans, ground, coarse, fine, Grande, Venti, Tall, milk, 2% milk, cream, black, white sugar, brown sugar, honey, sweetener, and still end up with just a coffee to kick-start your morning. But often these wonderful choices for many are bigger problems than convenience or luxury.

One key factor that disturbs me most is the choice and decision of young kids today. They are very quick to choose, decide and almost demand the best and often most expensive when it comes to their clothes, video game units, laptops, mobile phones, and girl or boy friends. But in their most vital and formative age of life they deliberately choose the most vain, aimless, lazy, and easy way out of them, including education, profession and future. They either, opt out of school, defer university entrance, choose other vain interests over scoring good grades at school, learn, aim for an easy degree to graduate in, or a comparatively lower ambition in life when they have a choice to do better. This way they dwell in a world where mediocrity is considered the norm. They do not choose to get the best of grades, make it to the best of universities, get the best of professional qualifications, excel and specialize in their professional qualifications, get the best of jobs and live the best of lives.

I do not mean that everyone has to be successful or be the top achiever in life although each truly carries the ability and can if they wanted. Being ordinary, mediocre is fine as well, but only if you can be happy and do not eventually become bitter of your own choices in the future. Often such individuals who make deliberate poor choices in life often seek the easy way out continue to take poor decisions that end them up assimilating a string of bad experiences, and resulting consequences due to their poor state of living. They will rather choose to get a fat loan or more than affordable car whether they have the means to fill the gas to run it or not. Some choose to spend their parents earnings on their cell phone bills and but never on a clean pair of jeans or clothes. They will choose to take advice and rest on the opinion of some half baked, semi-educated, councilor or a “friend” who will encourage dropping off from school and taking a hike across the country or to another country, smoke weed and have fun or get into a get rich quick dot.com business or buying their share of the pyramid scheme they themselves got suckered into. But they will hardly choose the advice of their selfless, hard-working, sacrificing and extremely caring parents and well-wishers who will often be willing to support their ambition with the best quality of education, universities, and help along the way by paying off their tuition fees as opposed to bank loans, get them a vehicle, give them a house to stay, etc.  I once was told that a person will invariably choose the best and eventually become very successful in life, if he or she is given only the best option as the only and last option to choose from. I guess is has become even more essential to educate todays’ youths on the realities of life and the consequences of human choices. Especially to help them from chasing unrealistic dreams such as the numerous pyramid or other get rich quick schemes with very little efforts. They need to be educated of the resulting proven consequences of better choices and to indulge in creative thinking and strategic planning and development of ideas for the real world that will help them succeed.

Educated and quality choices about self, others, life, and character will only result in success, happier life and great achievement!


The power of YOU! Your true worth and purpose in life.


Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~ Helen Keller

We are people who constantly endeavor in a firm mission to make our life worth while and with purpose. Every living hour of interaction with other people, nature and life is merely a process of brining purpose to our action in which we seek some satisfaction of self. Thus it is very important for each of us to realize and question our purpose in almost every aspect of our life. What is the true purpose for our respective lives? What is the fundamental purpose to work? What is the purpose of marriage? Or most importantly, what purpose do we fulfill in another persons life?

Every one of us have been created uniquely with unique skills, capabilities, thought processes, and characters. But finding the unique purpose that we will full fill is something that we have to seek, develop and accomplish ourselves. No one is going to do it for us. In order for us to understand this we first need to realize the power of our individual influence.

The world of tomorrow, and the people who will live then, will live a life that has been shaped by the actions we take today. We know this too well because we ourselves life a life of the actions and steps taken by our ancestors. Similarly, we live our life today which is highly influenced by a hand full of individuals who made great contributions, inventions and discoveries. The moment we realize this simple fact and make a choice to exercise our existence to make a good influence to humanity we find purpose.

Only a life lived for others is the life worthwhile. ~ Albert Einstein

We unknowingly often fulfill many purposed in other people’s lives. For example: we fulfill the purpose of being an adviser when one seeks this from us, we fulfill the purpose of being a friend when people need us, we fulfill the purpose of being an mentor to those who look up to us for guidance. We also influence the world around us by our choices, purpose and reactions. Hence we must make good of our purpose and ensure that it aimed towards a noble cause.

How we think, process any given information, make our choices and react is unique to us. And this shapes our world around us. We influence people and many other greater things in life by these unique and individual reactions and choices. This individual identity of ours fulfills a unique purpose in life. We matter. Our actions matter. And hence it is important to improve our actions and reactions constantly to make a better and good impact on our life and world.

There comes a special moment in everyone’s life, a moment for which that person was born. That special opportunity, when he seizes it, will fulfill his mission – a mission for which he is uniquely qualified. In that moment, he finds greatness. It is his finest hour. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

You can make a unique difference.

You matter!

Remember that your actions and purpose has greater significance in many other people’s lives!

Your contributions to mankind, world, family, and evryone you touched in your life are the only things that show your true worth and character. These are the only things that make your life worthwhile and it begins with you!

 Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~ Steve Jobs


Personality Progressive Development


 

 

Yes, personality has external and other factors that determine it. Heredity, our respective external environment, personal experiences and specific circumstances have a bearing on our respective individual personalities. However, other than heredity, we as humans can exercise your power to choose and think to make the changes we need to our personalities as opposed to blaming other factors. As we grow older, gain maturity, develop our own beliefs, opinions, ability to think, ability to differentiate between good and bad, ability to choose and disregard, we can make the much-needed developments to make ourselves better human beings in the process. As we all know that personality always changes over time and based on individual experiences, we can surely choose to make these experiences and time to shape ourselves as better individuals. It is easy to blame our faults and lack of ability to progressively evolve into better human beings, but it is imperative for us to take ownership of our own good and change our personalities for the better.  

Here are some ideas to help build a positive personality. Following these can and will help you become more popular, likeable, loveable, and impact your life very positively:

Identify yourself first: Be reasonably self-analytical and critical. Compare yourself to an ideal personality you seek to become and ask yourself why that personality. Identify areas you need to develop or improve. Try to understand who you really are, where do you come from, and what are the good and bad morals and values of who you truly are.

Recognize the need for improvement and progress: Realize your pitfalls and mistakes. List areas of improvement and development needed. See where you what to be, how do you want to be, how do you want people to see you as. And in doing so, ensure you are being realistic and are aiming for honest, moral and positive attributes.

Learn willingly and openly: Learn from others, pick their goodness and good wisdom, and reject their bad habits and beliefs. Search for good sources to learn from all and every experience from your life. Don’t reject anyone or any things you can learn from. Wise wisdom can be found in any place from anyone, so can immoral aspects. Choose the good and keep learning.

Take charge and responsibility: Know that you have the capability and courage to become who you want. Be determined and take charge of your own development. Not doing anything will not get you anywhere. So, become responsible and a confident individual.

Be genuine and honest: Be honest in your efforts. Be honest to self and be honest with others. Your honesty is clearly visible. Do not take others for fools and assume they can’t see your dishonesty. If people do not react it doesn’t mean they believe you. Your honest is very clearly visible in your actions, deeds, and words.

Be considerate and polite: Develop basic skills to behave, talk, act and think in a considerate and polite manner. By respectful of others before you expect them to show these attributes to you.

Follow through your commitments: When you give your word or commit to something, be bold, courageous and honorable enough to follow through with your actions. Weather it is in a relationship or work, one has to learn the value of integrity and consequences of misleading someone and having them pin their hopes, desires, wishes and emotions to their commitment. A person, who doesn’t stand by their word and follow through in actions, will never be able to find true happiness or respect within or from others. 

Be selective and aware of your choice of words: Use positive words always. Speak softly, yet clearly and firmly. Think of sentences and words before you speak to avoid misunderstandings. Use kind and eloquent words when and where possible. Control your voice when you speak. Be aware and respectful of your surroundings. Think how you are coming across to your audience.

Be sensible with criticism: Do not criticize. You may casually be critical amongst your close friends and family, but be aware there is a limit there too. If people laugh along with you it doesn’t mean they approve of your criticism. And remember that there is only a fine line between criticism, condemnation and character assassination.

Be a good listener: One of the key factors is to be a good listener. Learn to be patient, show genuine interest, look them in the eye, and truly listen to what they are saying to you. Ask questions, don’t interrupt, and be considerate.

Motivate and Inspire: Speak words and act in a manner that inspires others and motivates others to become positive and be happier. I call this putting butterflies in their stomachs. Say things to help others that make sense and makes then smile and ticklish in their stomach. Positive words with a smile, smell good, dress good, walk tall, etc.

Recognize Good and appreciate it: If you recognize and appreciate a good behavior in a person, it makes the other person repeat this particular behavior more. When you see good, walk up to this person and express your appreciation. You there by build their confidence and boost their positive behavior.

Be generous and helpful and expect nothing in return: Help others generously. Help by sharing knowledge, teach, share wealth with the poor, share your wisdom, your experiences, share your goodness. And do it with humility by understanding you too take and need others help in life. And do it freely as a good human being and expect nothing in return.

Be humble and grateful: Thank people, give away your ego in exchange for gratefulness. Be nice, and do not show off. Let yourself be known by your character and class. Not as a shameless and cheap loud mouth.

Be honorable and loyal: Keep your, morals, values, principles and honor intact. People will learn to depend on you based on these virtues.

Carry a great sense of humor: This one attribute will help you sail through any problems, complexities, stress and relationships. Take a lighter look at situations and learn to see the funnier side of things. Laugh at them and share the laughter. Learn to laugh at yourself.

Don’t procrastinate: Daily make it a habit to list things, then prioritize them and aim to complete the top three at least in a given day always. This will eventually give you a tremendous sense of accomplishment and impact your attitude positively.

Take care of your appearance: Don’t become careless and disregard your appearance. Always aim to look good, maintain good hygiene, appear to be clean, smell good, dress well, etc. Take care of your health, weight, and appearance.

Earn Respect: Don’t expect people to respect your title, age or gender. Earn their respect by behaving in a manner that contributes to your title, age gender etc. Earn the right to give advice, comment, or speak. Give respect before you expect it from others. And command respect by your behavior, do not shamelessly demand it when you do not get any.

Become a better Human being as well. Or more importantly be a human being that makes others what to be like you. Be able to respect yourself and see how you come across as a person and an individual to the world around you. Here are a few perspective I like to share to become a good human being first:

  • Love everyone regardless of caste, religion, creed, color, country or culture but for the good in them. The will love you back for the same reasons.
  • Strive to become a moral and responsible individual.
  • Respect all as well and above all do not be critical of the differences. They will reciprocate in the same manner towards you.
  • Be honest to self first. You will be rewarded and others will respect you for that.
  • Build character by actions and deeds, and not by words. You will inspire others and your loved ones by this.
  • You will find common ground with every person you meet if you want to. But you should be willing to communicate and be approachable.
  • Establish your identity by character. Not by your skin color, culture or religion. You will win the love, respect and appreciation of all people you meet all through your life.
  • Take pride in who you are and what you are made of. If you don’t respect yourself, your culture or religion, others will not respect these either.
  • Don’t build a pseudo personality in order to pretend to be affiliated to a popular group or a person to win their love and respect. Real people can see through it. And you eventually will find yourself to be lonely as your pretentious guard will one day fall.
  • Learn and be self-critical! Do not be so pig-headed that you never improve yourself and deteriorate over time in knowledge and wisdom.
  • Lastly, please take time to appreciate what you like in others. It’s a simple phenomenon. The more you appreciate what you liked in one person, the more that person feels like giving it to you and others.

 


To love and to be loved in return


 

Pondered and discussed many a times, but seldom experienced the true feelings and emotions, and the very few blessed ones who have are either in bliss or some who are eternally in pain yet in love with the feeling. Love!

Many aspire to experience love, some assume from what they see and are told and some imagine it to be something that’s a wonderful feeling that completes their experiences. Many feel being in love makes them more tolerant and some feel it makes them feel peaceful yet there are those who fight, in love, which is mauled by their very own ego, envy and possessiveness. Often mistaken as something that one rightfully deserves for just merely existing, many forget that love is actually about giving unconditionally. And experiencing love is the wonderful act when someone returns that love you have given them.

Love is a feeling, an emotion, and an experience that’s not tangible. It cannot be held, possessed, locked up, or limited. It has to be realized as free as it should be. Once a person begins to feel possessive, and selfish about love, it disappears like a smoke. Love is also the pain in which one missed someone. Love is also in the happiness when it’s shared. Loves can also be a one way street. One can be in love secretly and still feel loved.

Love, is not just about an exchange of emotions or the complexities that part takes within a relationship between two individuals. I feel it’s about the emotions involved within ones heart when they give away something that is very dear to their heart to someone else and find greater satisfaction and peace in doing so. It’s about the thought process one undergoes along with their own very personal emotions when selflessness becomes more valuable then what you get out from a relationship. It is about the synergies and the willingness to give up something for the other person’s happiness or to accommodate a situation for other person’s happiness. It’s about one finding peace within owns pain. It’s about the little moments and gestures one takes for granted when in love but die for every single one of them when they are apart. It’s about each and every sense of theirs that is associated to moments shared that they can think about and dwell in it for a life time. It is a personal self induced level of pain and sorrow that they themselves allow it to push it to the maximum threshold.

 

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.  ~Mother Teresa

 

Sadly all of us live in a very practical world with several outside influences that are ready to bombard us with their ever willing wisdom and positive reinforcement that helps us stride over any difficult circumstances in our world. And we has a part of the culture we live in or believe in are too vulnerable to quickly enshroud ourselves in these numerous shades of cloaks that are thrown upon us to cover our wounds, which I believe are usually inflicted by ourselves as a result of our own choices in reacting to situations.

The problem with us as human beings is that we are fundamentally flawed. We grow in a culture or society that influences our behaviour in various ways hence building our basic knowledge of life and what love and separation is. Then we are further influenced by situations and individuals that show us how to react to a situation. As time goes by, we build our own ideas on what is wrong and what is right. Thankfully many of us usually are on the ball with basic morals and principles in life, but sadly we all falter in our choices in reactions.

Over 90 percent of what we believe life is a result of our own choices in reaction to any situation in our lives. For example, we choose who to love, we choose who we think are good for us based on what we choose to be a lifestyle we want to live, we choose how much we want to give then in a relationship, we choose to limit our sacrifices or go ahead hook line and sinker, we choose to expect things in return, and we choose to react to situations as we feel is right when things don’t go the way we want and we choose who to blame for it and we choose what to do with the situation, and we choose to part ways or to mend it etc. of course, all this or many of this is only true when we are given the choice. But then again, we choose to succumb to the situation due to our own willingness to accept or we can choose to fight.

 

A lover is a man who tries to be more amiable than it is possible for him to be.  ~Nicholas de Chamfort

 

I believe that if we have our choice in how we build and react to situations in a relationship, why do we often choose the wrong path that usually hurts us the most? Many of us are usually very smart enough to choose between right and wrong but why do we choose to later anyway? When a close friend of ours says something bad or offensive to us, many of us choose to keep quiet and not react to it because of the friendship. We knowingly or unknowing take a lot of unflattering and at times humiliating criticism from our close friends, but we choose not to accept any criticism from our loved ones or our life partners, why? Why are we quick to apologize to our friends or forgive them for their mistakes when we don’t do the same with our loved ones?

I have found many people who never indulge in self criticism. And they do it by a very conscience choice. We are surely victims of circumstances many a times. But what we do with it is our choice. We are more inclined towards animal instincts and trick ourselves into believing in it rather than resort to our self reasoning or choose to react to a situation with the most positive impact.

In love or in separation, if we choose to react to any argument, situation, circumstance which will result with the most positive impact in the other person, we could make our lives almost perfect. But we have traditionally chosen not to. The choice of positive impact is ours but the circumstances that befall upon us is often beyond our control. In love we choose to woo the other person as much as we can because we desire to have them in our life at any cost. Some or many of us often choose to go to the extent of pretending to being someone who we aren’t to win the other persons heart. But once we have accomplished what we wanted, we choose to fall back to who we are which results in the classic “you were so different before marriage, it looks like I am married to a stranger”. Why? We chose not to be honest. It is our choosing.

 

All men and women have an equal need for love. When these needs are not fulfilled it is easy to have our feelings hurt, for which we blame our partner. ~ John Gray

People tend to blame love casually. Love doesn’t fail anyone. One can’t be failed by love. Love is an expression, a feeling, a sentiment, an emotion. People, fail in love not by love, and people misuse or abuse love. Human beings use love to fulfill their momentary motives and selfish desires sadly. Don’t blame love but blame the lover. People fail you not love.

Love exists. It exists in many forms. Love for God, life, the look into a baby’s eyes, when a baby cuddles you back, a pet, a friend, a sibling, your parents love for you etc. Perhaps the type of love or the type of lover one seeks may be different or hard to find in the immediate vicinity, social circle, or current time and place. It is like you are thirsty for liquid and are choosing from the types of liquid filled in different jars. You are thirsty and wish to drink it, but you need to choose the right liquid you want and the jar of your choosing. But patience, openness, willingness to keep looking, faith that good does exist, and looking in the right places where a typical kind of lover may live will help one find that lover. It might take some time or a life time if you are specific, but it sure is worth the time, wait, and search. Because when you find after these troubles both will realize the value of each other. Also what is important is for one to see if they have the qualities to attract that special kind of a lover. If not develop those qualities and that lover will find his or her way to them.

Yes it is a sad fact that just to find an honest, simple, unselfish, loyal, and mature lover with decent values and morals is difficult to find. But if you have these qualities, be rest assure that there are many like you out there as well looking for the same. So the eventual crossing of paths and meeting shall happen.

 

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.  ~Tom Robbins

 

People need to be realistic in what you wish for. Many out there expect a typical kind of lover but carry personal attributes, character and attitude that repel these kinds of lovers. For example Selfish, greedy, egoistic, negative, highly critical and judgmental and bitter people living in denial and arrogance shrouded in their pseudo social life, seek for genuine, selfless and generous kind of lover. It doesn’t happen. They may end up believing that love doesn’t exist. And for them, yes, sorry, the truth shall be quiet difficult, unless they make some positive changes to match and attract what they seek. As they say, you need to first become the change you like to see or seek.

So before you throw your heart away callously in the name of love, it helps to take a moment and think of the realistic choice you are making and who you are making it for. One can choose to wait because love always comes around in many shapes, and colors. Because if you don’t exercise your right and freedom to “Choose” who you love wisely, you will have no one to blame but yourself should it not work out.

 

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.  ~Author Unknown

 

Love – an art of giving someone all that’s dear to you without expecting anything in return but secretly hoping it will be reciprocated one day! There are of course a zillion quotes, poems and stories about love, but very seldom experienced, shared, and learned from. How many times and who have we loved unconditionally, without expecting anything in return, yet giving its freedom and being tolerant of the person? But what I see more often is people in search of love in terms of what they can get, and how much in looks, time, loyalty and comfort to satisfy their needs with very little to offer in return.

 

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.  ~ Peter Ustinov

 

Love is the art of understanding as a mature person that imperfections is a natural fact of a person and yet overlooking it for the purpose of still wanting to do good for a particular person. It is very emotional and yet spiritual. It gives you strength as you give more away and makes you stronger by making sacrifices. You enter a state of being were you have conversations, exchange ideas, laugh at their jokes and habits and are generally warmed by their presence, even when they are far away from you. You catch yourself thinking of them and smiling or laughing or even at times, perhaps talking to yourself. You at times smell them around, hear their voices and drift away from reality for brief wonderful moments of togetherness. One must also realize that love grows on you over time. It is not something that you can demand instantaneously and find it.

Another common aspect about love is having the wisdom and enough knowledge to identify and realize it. People often misunderstand love from infatuation. Especially the younger generations often fall into this trap and find them too deep into a marriage with a kid before they realize what it was in the first place a love or just an infatuation. Perhaps, another common contributing factor to a possible, divorce, separation, single parent situation etc.

 

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.  ~George Jean Nathan

 

I like to separate infatuation from love by a simple difference. Infatuation is what you want to get from this person in your life, where as in love you want to give yourself to this person for them. Also, love at first site, instant love and hitting it off etc, are part of the infatuation process where almost everything is instant and too quick, where in love, it takes it time, it grown on you, it happens to you as realization, understanding and emotion all work together to help you feel comfortable.  Here it is more substance, character, personality, and emotional balance where in infatuation, its immediate, physical attraction, social pride, biological, and momentary circumstances.

In true love, people are unselfish, giving in nature, patient for love to flourish and grow upon one and other, often behave conducive to the other person’s feelings, emotional, aware of the other person likes and dislikes and want to do things for them expecting nothing in return.

When infatuated, you often find yourself thinking of how you both can compliment each other in a particular social situation, party etc, the social appearance and acknowledge together, selfish, where your needs and wants are more then the other persons, you want to push the relationship to next level as opposed to let it grow naturally, and your happiness is more important then the others.

There is a sense of impatience when it is an infatuation as opposed to love. There is a sense of urgency to accomplish what you think you have lost or have been longing for. You want instant gratification. You want to have this person in your life immediately. You begin to imagine having sex, or rush to get into bed as soon as possible. You seek intimacy immediately. There is a strong sense of losing the person if you wait. Every other person around you seems to be looking at your partner and you feel threatened. You begin to seek advice from every other person, regardless of them being a good source or bad. You begin to react to every piece of advice you get and then add more fear to your thoughts by constant criticism and analyzing of the other persons character. And with all these fears and collective paranoia you rush into marriage only to regret later.

 

 When you’re in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.  ~Natalie Clifford Barney

On the contrary love is calm, cool and collected. You feel patient, and not threatened. You will want to wait, and begin a beautiful process of introspecting and becoming a better person within to compliment the other. You feel calm and collected and always have time to plan everything you want to do. You are in no rush, and secure about each other. Love makes you feel good, motivates, and you will immediately see doing things differently in a positive manner. Your will notice an immediate change in your behaviour towards others and especially towards the ones you were upset earlier. You will find yourself to be more accepting, loving, forgiving, and whole as person. You deeply know that you are making the right choices and taking the right decisions. You are willing to wait as long as it is needed to fulfill your dreams. And most importantly you begin to look different and beautiful.

If you are one of those who feel, that its my life, my independence, my likes and dislikes, my money, my family, I am giving away this, I am compromising, my wants that are more important, then don’t shoot yourself when you have trouble in your relationships and find yourself being hurt, lonely, misunderstood etc. This is because such a selfish nature doesn’t contribute positively for a union of two separate individuals and personalities in a relationship to last and grow. It is often bound to fall apart unless the other is either very compromising or has totally given up and lives a dual life. Either way the meaning of love and togetherness becomes a pseudo relationship. You can of course blame the whole world and the two dogs across the street, but the fault lies in you.

People in love truly and honestly, often find themselves complimenting each other, inspire and motivate each other, treat each other with respect and yet are funny together, behave in a manner it shows that they are proud of their partner as opposed to being proud of themselves etc. Simultaneously, they are often patient and forgiving of each other, listen to each other, depend on each other blindly,  are patient with each other and above all, one strives to behave in a graceful manner often bringing calm and peace to the other.

 

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.  ~Thomas Merton

 

Similarly, when once takes love to the next stage in terms of a marital relationship and look at it from a “compatibility” point of view, once have to first truly understand what “compatibility” is. It is often misunderstood to be a matching of likes, faith, culture, style etc. A proper and definition of compatibility is actually existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another person. People do not have to marry a clone or their identical self to be truly compatible. In fact identical individuals often end up having greater difference eventually. Instead one should look for similar values, morals, comprehension, willingness to accept and respect the other for who they are and not what they can become, willingness to accommodate other persons like, point of view, and do it with and for love, not as a favor etc. These are what makes true compatibility and helps build a relationship on secure grounds of mutual respect and understanding. But one should also remember that it is not wise to hold on to certain beliefs or habits too adamantly without proper reason or basic understanding of its purpose which could weigh heavily on a relationship. One should be willing and open minded to exchange their old fears, rituals or closed belief systems they may have been raised with for a new life with more mature, modern, and mutually agreeable and beneficial values and habits that will nurture and help develop their new relationship.  Closed mindedness and holding on to old fears and belief systems yet expecting life partners who are modern and intellectual will only eventually put a lot of stress on the relationship.

Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you don’t have. If there is no love in your life, whatever else there is has a lot less meaning. The secret of our being is not only to live but to have something to live for.

Lastly, as we all are aware, love grows with time where infatuation is weakened. So, take the time to realize what you are feeling and getting yourself into. Ultimately you will face the consequences of your choice. There is NO escape. If not anything else, karma will come back to bite you in the rear. I always say love finds its greatest satisfaction in making others happy over trying to use love to make yourself happy. And people who are capable of being honest and love truly from their heart can be easily identified. They seem happier, cheerful, speak their mind out, and generally there is a glow on their faces and carry a radiant personality. But those who aren’t often appear to be angry, carry a look of guilt, have trouble making eye contact, or blind themselves with their pride and ego, arrogance, lust and desperation. If you don’t agree and yet feel guilty of being one such person, take a look at yourself in the mirror. A little honest introspection won’t hurt!

 

Love never reasons but profusely gives; gives, like a thoughtless prodigal, its all, and trembles lest it has done too little.  ~Hannah More


Million Dollar Business Idea?


 

No, this is not another pyramid scheme. Neither is this a get rich quick idea.

Everyone seems to have an idea or two to make money other than working as an employee for someone else. And there are many who have the grit and will to put it in action. But not everyone succeeds. And there are many who aspire but never wish to perspire to achieve their dreams. Often there are many obstacles, circumstances, and situations in life that does not allow the time or the energy to pursue such dreams. But, these dreams live on.

There are many valid business ideas that could make a million dollars that get buried in these clutter of unfulfilled dreams and ambitions. With various reasons that hinders or stops one from achieving these dreams there is one big factor that prevails. Failure! The fear of investing their money, time and life in an idea that could fail stops many from going ahead. But, having said that, it is also perhaps one of the easiest of factors to overcome. Here I wish to discuss a few simple concepts in the process of developing the fairly secure million dollar idea that would earn you a million dollars.

*** 

The million dollar dream building:

For ease of understanding, I am breaking this down to the simplest form based on the basic principles of marketing that would help conceive the concept:

The Million Dollar Math:

To make $10,00,000 one needs to understand this in exact numbers. You need to first have a very clear understanding how this million dollar is actually broken down in terms of units/service  (referred to as a “product” here on), and consumers.

A million dollars in other words is ten hundred thousands. That is: $10, 00, 000.

If you wish to make a million dollars for yourself, you will have to sell a product a million times with a $1 profit per unit sold. Simple?

So, if you have a $100 profit margin, then you will have to sell your product only a 10,000 times (ten thousand).

A higher the profit margin, lowers the units to be sold. Remember that this unit could be a tangible product, or a service.

Once you understand this, all you have to do is develop the right product/service and back it with a sound marketing plan. A very good and valuable product with its unique feature at a fair market price based on the target buyers’ affordability will sell. In other words, if you were that target customer, will you buy it and why? As simple as that! In order to make this happen, you will need to know a few simple concepts of marketing. Below are a few simplified yet essential features of a marketing plan.

The Product:

This is where it is all about you, your skills, creativity and interest. However it is extremely important to keep the user of the product you develop in clear focus and the true “need” or “use” of the product to the end user. While developing the idea of this product one needs to consider these five common things:

  • What will the potential buyer want or need this product for?
  • Why will this potential buyer buy this product?
  • What are the key characteristics of these potential buyers demographics? That is, what is the typical age group, sex, income, affordability, lifestyle, culture, where they live, etc.
  • Does your product fulfill a need or a want?
  • And are there similar products already there in the market place. If you do not see it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. A little honest research is very essential.

Next you need to understand the product in detail. The workings of it, the design, the use, the looks, appearance, etc. You need to know your product or service in-depth. You should aim to become a subject matter expert in that product to be safe.

You also need to understand the market and industry of the product or service. You need to study the actual worth of the product. Look for examples of similar products. Understand and learn how they work, why they are priced as such, how they are sold, who buys them etc. You also need to constantly ask yourself why will anyone buy your product or service. What is unique about your product that will compel a buyer to buy your offering from the other seller?

For example: If you think it is a brilliant idea to start-up another On-line Home Rental service offering, where home owners can advertise their rental property and prospective renters can search and rent homes, how does it compare?

  • What will you offer differently compared to the other players?
  • What will be unique about your service?
  • Is that unique offering enticing enough for the consumer to shift their loyalty?
  • How many potential renters are there in your city?
  • How many rental homes are there in your city?
  • What percentage of people go on-line to search rental property from the potential renters?
  • How many such on-line sites are there and how many listings are there per site?
  • Is there room for another player?

These are some question one needs to ask and study when developing a product or service.

The Price:

Disposable shaving sticks with blades are cheaper in price and sold in packs with multiple units. But, the individual shaving sticks, from the same manufacturer, comes with few blades. And the user will have to buy the blades separately which are often more expensive than the shaving sticks. Yet there are consumers who choose to buy the individual shaving sticks and blades separately and willingly pay more for the negligible shaving comfort. So the question is, who is your target customer? The one who wants to save money, or the one who is will to pay more? Remember the million dollar math. Higher the profit margin, lower the units to be sold.

You will also need the actual and real cost to market or serve. This means what will it cost you to manufacture this product and bring it to the stage where the potential user/buyer will make the purchase. These typically involves these common costs to consider:

  • Cost to develop and make the product
  • Cost to package and make the product look desirable
  • Cost to sell it (marketing, selling staff, advertising, etc.)
  • Cost to deliver (transporting to the place of sale or the customer)
  • Over head costs (staff salaries, real estate-rent, utilities etc)

Now once these costs are detailed add-on a realistic profit margin to it. Do not be greedy and over price it, or do not make it too cheap and decrease its value. The price is based on what the target consumer is willing to pay for the product or service based on the value it has for them. It is called “fair market value” or FMV. It simply means that, it is a price a knowledgeable and fair potential buyer will be willing pay for the product or service you offer.   

 

The place you sell or do business in:

I love food. I enjoy all kinds of food, such as Japanese, Arabic, Italian, Indian, Chinese, etc. Hence I love to cook. I can get any recipes from books, Television, internet and my wonderful sister in-laws ultra fantastic recipes and create some amazing and delicious food. But I hate cleaning up. Perhaps that is why many of us choose to get food delivered home. And every once in a while, we choose to go and dine out. Although, we can make many good and great dishes ourselves at home, we choose to go out and pay for it. We opt to dine out, have someone cook some great creations, and serve it to us. And we will pay a price that we fully well are aware is at least 200% more than the cost of it and still leave behind a handsome tip to the waiter. And we do all this for the “experience”!

I walk into several restaurants and wonder why did they even bother? The décor is at best drab, the tables/furniture pretty bare, service is just short of being shot at, and often the food is worse than what I can make if I were drunk out of my senses. And to add to this condition, if one dares to jump over the fence of baffling curiosity and converse with the owner of this business, they will unwaveringly express their disappointment at their customers. They will blame the market, economy, the government, culture, weather, and the dog at their home but never themselves or the state of their place of business.

One of the essential parts to a successful business is its location. Where do you sell your products or service? Is it on-line, is it in a business district, does it have customer parking, does it have a steady or good flow of your target customers, or is your product sold at a retail location, does it have a prominent shelf space etc. These are some of the things you seriously need to consider.

Always remember that the environment or atmosphere usually has a huge impact on the business. There is a very good reason for the kids of music that is played in a supermarket, a fashion retail outlet or in a hotel elevator. Which begs the question, why do some Indian restaurants play sad and depressing music? It usually kills my appetite.

How will you promote your business?

How will you make the customer come to you, see your product or service and make the purchase now? How fast do you want to make your million dollars? Will a one dollar a day pace suffice or do you have a fixed time frame to make your first million dollars? If so, how will you sell those units within that time frame?

There are several creative ways to do this. But no matter how you plan to do this, and come up with new ingenious ideas or traditionally proven methods, you will always have to keep asking yourself this; why will the customer buy from me? Or, put yourself in the customer’s shoes and see if your promotional idea invokes you to make the purchase. Until the numbers shows in sales, keep developing these ideas. Whether it is a free promotional offer, a special discount, a limited time offer, a free gift, it has to make sense to the buyer.  

I remember a Photography Film Processing Lab not so long ago before the digital photography industry killed their business. The owner of this lab came up with a new and different idea to promote his business. He bought a consignment of promotional products from a liquidation dealer. And he charged $0.50 cents more per print to process a film roll and would give each customer a random number to pick. Based on the number the customer could win anything from a key chain, to a television. His store will packed with these floor to ceiling promotional goods and a beeline of customer all through the mall. 3 months later the promotion died, but the beeline lasted a few good years.

Similarly, you would buy your child a Kids meal at McDonald’s knowing that they won’t eat the food, but the free toy will shut them up for a while.

That’s promotion in a nutshell.

 

 So, what is your Million Dollar Idea?

It doesn’t have to be what everyone does, or something that has never been done before. It has to be good, realistic, and positioned appropriately. More than anything else, you will have to believe in it based on realistic numbers and research.  There are several brilliant products and services that were once laughed at or criticized but is one of the most successful ideas or products in today’s world. A personal computer in every house was once such a dream of a famous individual. Build your million dollar dream and make it happen!

 

Some select Quotes to remember!

 

And while the law of competition may be sometimes hard for the individual, it is best for the race, because it ensures the survival of the fittest in every department.
Andrew Carnegie

As a small businessperson, you have no greater leverage than the truth.
John Greenleaf Whittier

Do more than is required. What is the distance between someone who achieves their goals consistently and those who spend their lives and careers merely following? The extra mile.
Gary Ryan Blair

Do not trust people. They are capable of greatness.
Stanislaw Lem

Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.
Howard Aiken

Every young man would do well to remember that all successful business stands on the foundation of morality.
Henry Ward Beecher

Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure it just means you haven’t succeeded yet.
Robert H. Schuller

 If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been.
Robert H. Schuller

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.
J. Paul Getty

In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing.
William Wordsworth

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Dale Carnegie

No enterprise is more likely to succeed than one concealed from the enemy until it is ripe for execution.
Niccolo Machiavelli

Not for nothing is their motto TGIF – ‘Thank God It’s Friday.’ They live for the weekends, when they can go do what they really want to do.
Richard Nelson Bolles

Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.
Thomas J. Watson 


Power of Choice


 

 

 

Amongst all the wonders we are blessed with, one of the most powerful abilities we have got distinctively from other living beings, is the unique power to choose. Here I am talking about choices we make in life on a day to day basis between good and bad and as human  beings as opposed to be possessed by emotions, ego and pride which often is not necessarily the right choices. I must also say that I am aware that choices are at times limited to people based on the circumstances they live in, thus I am talking about those who can still make better choices in lives in an effort to have a better living and happier and meaningful lives regardless of their circumstances.

What is this ability to choose? What is choice?

It is the mental process which helps us to judge and analyze from multiple options and selecting one of them based on preference. Choosing from these multiple options usually results in a consequence or a need for action that would eventually derive at a desired consequence.  In any given day or human beings are subject to making several choices that affect their living. They may be from the simplest forms to complex in nature. The consequences of these choices or decision to choose one from another may affect their lifestyle, religious affiliation, political position, finances, attitude towards others, reaction to situations, and health.

Our life essentially is nothing but a collective result of the choices we have made along the way. There choices were made at several moments in life, based on several experiences and circumstances, but nevertheless these were our choices and we face and live the consequences of these very choices. We each have the power and freedom to choose right from wrong. Often as humans we end up choosing easy from hard and sadly the hard ends up being the right one to choose. The righteous and just thing to do often involves hardships, disagreement from common folk, against certain odds, and at times contrary to common thinking. But it is in such choices that great accomplishments lie. Greatness has never been served on a silver platter, but it has only been earned by the choices made against all odds with the will, determination and perseverance. But it begins with the choice. And the power to choose is in your very power.

We are always faced with such choices in our lives. We are always given these options and choices to choose from in almost every aspect of our life. But we need to have the wisdom, integrity, and the will to make the right choices for ourselves and in an effort to make our world a much better place. The life we live is designed to challenge you to make the right choices in life. And each of your day to day choices result in a continuous change in the resulting consequences that shape your living. It may seem hard to imagine right at this moment, but you can change your life by simply making the right choices in life. It’s entirely up to you. You can get rid of old habits, change unwanted situations, make better lifestyle choices, better diet, choose better food, better friends, better reactions to situations and problems, and give yourself permission to achieve great things in your life by making good, educated and right choices in life.

Here are some chosen inspirational quotes from some well known people that will help you understand the power of choice:

“Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation.” – James Allen (1864-1912, author of As a Man Thinketh)

“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in the that field of possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” – Deepak Chopra (1946-…, physician and author of The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success)

“Until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise” – Stephen R. Covey (1932-…, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”- Denis Waitley (1933-…, motivational speaker and author of The Psychology of Winning)

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice. – George Eliot

 Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable. – Peter F. Drucker

It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny. – Jean Nidetch

In today’s world, many of us are also spoilt with choices. We do not know what is good for us and what is not. Young high school kids have trouble picking a profession, university and ambitions. Young graduates have trouble picking jobs, or company’s to work for, others have to choose their life partners, financial options, cars, life style, cell phones, televisions, computers, and even a simple cup of coffee is from a list of options and variations. There were times where I can walk into a Café and ask for a coffee. I would get a cup of coffee, a jar of sugar and a pot of milk. Today in the name of quality service, brand and marketing gimmicks for an extra $4 weather you like it or not, you are forced to pick from Columbian, American, Costa Rican, host of other gourmet beans, ground, coarse, fine, Grande, Venti, Tall, milk, 2% milk, cream, black, white sugar, brown sugar, honey, sweetener, and still end up with just a coffee to kick start your morning. But often these wonderful choices for many are bigger problems than convenience or luxury.

One key factor that disturbs me most is the choice and decision of young kids today. They are very quick to choose, decide and almost demand the best and often most expensive when it comes to their clothes, video game units, laptops, mobile phones, and girl friends. But in their key and one of the most vital times of life they deliberately choose the most vain, aimless, lazy, and easy way out of them all of education, profession and future. They either, opt out of school, defer university entrance, choose other vain interests over scoring good grades at school, learn, aim for a easy degree to graduate in, or a comparatively lower ambition in life. This way they dwell in a world where mediocrity is considered the norm. They do not choose to get the best of grades, make it to the best of universities, get the best of professional qualifications, excel and specialize in their professional qualifications, get the best of jobs and live the best of lives.

I do not mean that everyone has to be successful or be the top achiever in life although each truly carry the ability and can if they want. Being ordinary, mediocre is fine as well, but only if you can be happy and do not eventually become bitter and a burden on the rest of the society, and your loved ones and a total waste of life. Often such vain individuals who often seek the easy way out continue to take poor decisions that end them up assimilating a string of bad actions, and resulting consequences due to their poor state of living. They will rather choose to get a fat loan or more than affordable car where they have the means to fill the gas to run it or not, but will use educational loans as an excuse not to study further, they will choose to spend their parents and their meager earnings on their cell phone bills and testing fees but never on a clean pair of jeans or clothes. They will choose to take advice and rest on the opinion of some half ass, semi educated, pea brain school councilor or the worst amongst the lot, overly friendly irresponsible teachers advice who will encourage dropping off from school and taking a hike across the country or to another country, smoke weed and have fun or get into a get rich quick dot.com business or buying their share of the pyramid scheme they themselves got suckered into, before they get back into the groveling and hard and difficult life of books and professional qualification. But they will hardly choose the advice of their selfless, hard working, sacrificing and extremely caring parents and well-wishers who will often be willing to support their ambition, best quality of education, universities, and help along the way by helping or paying off their tuition fees as opposed to bank loans, get them a vehicle, give them a house to stay, etc.  I once was told that a person will invariably choose the best and eventually become very successful in life, if he or she is given only the best option as the only and last option to choose from. I guess today’s youths must be given a course in high school on the realities of life and the consequences of human choices and their options to choose their future, designed especially to systematically break their stupid and life wasting unrealistic dreams of getting rich quick with very little efforts by highlighting the notoriously proven schemes such as, pyramid schemes, peddling drugs, doing business without qualifications, etc. Instead they need to be educated of the resulting proven consequences of such choices and to indulge in creative thinking and strategic planning and development of ideas for the real world that will help them succeed.

Educated and quality choices about self, others, life, and character will only result in success, happier life and great achievement


Your world is a result of your “reactions”.


 

Stress and difficulties have been my best buddies all through my life. In fact they are buddies with every one of you.  But regardless of mental stress and the troublesome  circumstances life has taken me through, I have been fortunate to realize my own behavior and often laugh at the things I do. Especially when I find myself or others under pressure, I find we do many silly and often stupid things. Our rational and cognitive self disappears and instant emotional responses take precedence which invariably stands tall opposing our basic logic.

Allow me to explain myself by sharing one of my such irrational responses to a situation: I once got on a popular diet recommended by someone close which promised a drastic weight loss in a week – 10 days time which would be a good kick-start to get on an eventual balanced diet program. Having stuck to my diet from day one which involved consuming copious amount of bland vegetable soup and low-calorie raw fruits and vegetables, I arrive on my 4th day successfully. I had dreaded this day because it involved me surviving on partly skimmed milk and bananas. Of course, I hate milk!  But as my luck would have it, my morning began with my daily dose of senseless comedy and needless stupidity.

Here is a short version of what I mean: A customer with an annoying disposition calls me when I was in the washroom and left a message for me on my voice mail. I see the message on my mobile phone and decide to listen to it once I am out of the door, on my way to work. Meanwhile, he calls my boss asking him where I was and that I didn’t pick up his call. By the time I was heading out my boss calls me asking me why my customer was calling him and why didn’t I pick his call. Having explained to him my obvious reason, I call up my customer to help his query. During which my boss calls me to check if I had called him. He gets my voice mail as I was still on the phone and thus leaves a message to call him back. He assumed that, perhaps my phone wasn’t working and all calls were going to the voice mail directly. After I was done with my customer, I picked up my voice mail again and then called my boss to let him know that I resolved the customers concern, and my phone was just fine and I am furious with his impatience and micro management and my this annoying customers behavior.  Phew! No, this isn’t an exaggeration. It is exactly a day in the life of a Senior Manager in the corporate world of today.

Anyhow, in this madness and my rage, I stop by at the gas station to pick a couple of bottles of my hated milk for the day. I rushed in and walked past the puffed up shiny bags of potatoes chips wearing their contents proudly on their chest, and those gleaming bars of chocolates screaming for my attention. I got to the refrigerator and quickly scanned through the neatly stacked stout cans of soft drinks in all colors and shapes and calorie counts looking for my milk. And there again there stood several of them in different colors, flavors and shapes and sizes. I quickly scanned and saw one in blue which read “French vanilla”. Yes, perhaps this flavor will help me guzzle it down with some relative ease and thus grabbed it, paid for it and got back into my car. As I began drinking it on my way to work, I found the flavor to be rather strong and thick. But as I couldn’t take my eyes off the road to read the fine prints I continued consuming its contents until I finished it. And once I reached my work, I looked at the bottle and the writings in small letters. It said “Coffee creamer” and when turned it around to see its calories I realized that I just had consumed the whole 1000 calories of its contents.  There crashes my diet plan and three days of sacrifices.

 It is amusing how we react to such simple daily pressures. And what is even more amusing is how easy it is to avoid such reactions. If I had only cooled down and controlled my anger I would have been a bit more focused. If only I realized there was absolutely no need for me to rush to work, I could have been a bit more diligent in picking up the right bottle of milk. I could have very well done that. But I didn’t and hence ended up doing something totally stupid.

 It is so odd to see us; intelligent beings do such stupid things in life. Many of our problems and unpleasant situations are created by us and our instant reactions. And we would be the first to see such stupidity in others and either correct them or laugh at them. But we seldom think about our own such behavior. No matter the external situation or circumstances. The choice of how we react to it is absolutely in our control.

 The power to choose our reaction:

It is the mental process which helps us to judge and analyze from multiple options and selecting one of them based on preference. Choosing from these multiple options usually results in a consequence or a need for action that would eventually derive at a desired consequence.  In any given day as human beings we are subject to making several choices that affect our living. They may be from the simplest forms to complex in nature. The consequences of these choices or decision to choose one from another may affect our lifestyle, religious affiliation, political position, finances, attitude towards others, reaction to situations, and health.

Our life essentially is nothing but a collective result of the choices we have made along the way. There choices were made at several moments in life, based on several experiences and circumstances, but nevertheless these were our choices and we face and live the consequences of these very choices. We may choose to blame the circumstances, but nevertheless the choice was ours and we are solely responsible for those choices and the eventual outcome. We each have the power and freedom to choose right from wrong. Often we end up choosing easy from hard and sadly the hard ends up being the right one to choose. The righteous and just thing to do often involves hardships, disagreement from common folk, against certain odds, and at times contrary to common thinking. But it is in such choices that great accomplishments lie. Greatness has never been served on a silver platter, but it has only been earned by the choices made against all odds with the will, determination and perseverance. But it begins with the choice. And the power to choose is in you.

Here are some ideas on changing the outcome by changing your reaction:

1. When someone can not understand your point of view, try rephrasing it differently with calm. Do not express frustration or anger but instead express patience and stage what you are trying to say differently. Do not brand them as stupid or crazy if they cannot understand you. It could be your choice of words and demeanor is confusing to them. It may be easy for others to understand you but it doesnt mean that this person would also be able to do the same. Remember that each person, their experiences, comprehension, and demeanor is different. You have to match their understanding to make your point. It is not necessary for them to meet your style of communication.

2. When faced with an aggressive or pushy person, do not push back or try to retaliate with more aggression or rage. Instead, try walking away and avoid a futile attempt to communicate with someone who is obviously has lost their mind in anger. Allow them to cool down. Life doesnt end at that moment. You can always return to discuss the concern or issue later again if it is worth your time.

3. In an argument, state your point calmly and patiently try to explain. There is absolutely no point in raising your voice or expressing anger which makes one deviate from the point of concern to a battle of rage and ego. Remember that a disagreement is often with a certain issue and work or discuss to agree or agree to disagree. Do not turn it into a battle of egos or who can shout louder than the other. The volume of your voice or the choice of harsh words has never helped driving a point through. It has only helped aggravate the emotion. (I thank my sister for this lesson). 

4. When someone is stubborn in doing something that you believe is wrong and they do not listen to your advice, learn to let them learn by their mistakes. As you learn from your mistakes and people need to learn from their failures, let them go through the process. Some people choose to learn this ay and it is better for them. And also remember that some people may choose to do something which they fully well know could result in getting hurt. But they have their own reasons. For example: I know those who go out of their way to be nice to people who could hurt them because they belive that their nice and loving behaviour may help inspire the other person to become a better person.  So learn to be supportive of such people. Allow them to do as they seem fit after having explained your concern. But be there to support them with your love and understanding if they get hurt.  

5.  Do not stop yourself from reacting to any situation. By staying silent to avoid possible discourse, you invariably position yourself as a victim in your mind. Instead try to react in a manner that you express your point respectfully without hurting anyones ego.  Remember that as your react to a given action. Your reaction provokes others to respond too. So try to react in a manner that will invoke a positive response from others. In other words, your reaction can calm things. Your reaction can aggravate a situation. And your reaction can inspire others to be like you.

  • React to a problem with a solution not stress.
  • React to anger with calm and composure not anger.
  • React to stupidity with humor nor ridicule.
  • React to adversity with empathy not rage.
  • React to authority with compliance not aggravation.
  • React to injustice with polite defiance not violence.
  • React to ego with class and humility not disrespect.
  • React to confusion with patience and rationality not impulse.
  • React to arrogance with avoidance not submission.

Remember that your reaction can inspire change. Be inspirational! The world is often nothing more than a result of your reaction to any given situation!

I leave you with some chosen inspirational quotes from some well-known people about choice and reactions:

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results. ~Wade Boggs
~

“Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation.” – James Allen (1864-1912, author of As a Man Thinketh)

~

 For some reason I did something where I realized I could get a reaction. That was when I broke out of my shell at school, because I really didn’t have any friends or anything like that and I just kind of was going along, and then finally I did this zany thing, and all of a sudden I had tons of friends. ~Jim Carrey 

“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in the that field of possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” – Deepak Chopra (1946-…, physician and author of The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success)

~

Reaction – a boat which is going against the current but which does not prevent the river from flowing on. ~Victor Hugo~
“Until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise” – Stephen R. Covey (1932-…, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

~

That’s what takes people out of the fight half the time. They get hit and half the reaction is your ego is saying, ‘I cannot believe that person just lit me up – how humiliating.’  ~David O. Russell~

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”- Denis Waitley (1933-…, motivational speaker and author of The Psychology of Winning)

~

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ~Carl Jung
 
~

 Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable. – Peter F. Drucker

~

It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny. – Jean Nidetch


Paradoxes of our changing times, people and paradigms


 

Please enjoy the above audio feed

 

Sensible humans, insensible beings.  We the knowledgeable and the most gifted of creation do many things that opposes our own basic sensibilities. It is amusing to see people who know the right from wrong but still choose to do what is wrong. For example a person knows the consequences of smoking, the cigarette packs carry horrific pictures of how the internal organs of smokers appears when damaged, and there are seriously alarming statistics for anyone to learn from, yet the knowledgeable man knowingly chooses to smoke. Those who live in a free world with fair law and protection feel the need to carry a gun for self-protection etc. With all the progressive evolution and technological advancements it still appears many things haven’t changed sadly. Man still continues to live in fear, hunger still kills people, and wars still seem to be inevitable.

I often wonder where the days have gone where people welcomed others to visit their country proudly with a warm smile. Have you seen the expressions and demeanor of today’s immigration officers across the world? People now have become accustomed to handing their self-respect and dignity to these uniformed first faces of the country they visit. Being intimidated, unwelcome and at times getting insulted has become a norm while visiting many of our so-called “first world” nations. I find it very shocking and upsetting to see how we have chosen to sacrifice our manners, hospitality, culture, and respect for others under the excuse of terrorism? Aren’t people able to see how they have allowed institutional authorities to scare them into dropping their own privacy, dignity and respect at the feet of a security officer, where some of them take the liberty to abuse the power and authority with arrogance and total disregard to basic human dignity?  I find it appalling to see a father of a young girl stand in line at an airport security check in and watch the pride, love and honor of his house being touched and “patted down” by hand or video screened by a total stranger and he cannot do anything about it. When will our mute conscience scream out for justice for self and all? Is this the state and condition of living we choose in our advanced and developed world? Does security measures have to be this humiliating and disrespectful? Can’t there be a more efficient and respectable process developed with all the technology we have in place today? Do we really have to pack our dignity and leave it at home before we decide to travel for a simple holiday? Does the new highly advanced metal detector really need the person to assume a less dignified position and hold their belongings in both their hands up over their forehead? And the only alternative option is an invasive and more degrading hand pat-down by some stranger under the arrogance of authority? Is this the educated, free and respectable world? This is the free country of today that claims to uphold the respect, dignity and equal rights for everyone?

The age and times of today have changed a lot and less reasonable on the account of political ambitions and personal financial gains of a few powerful people. It seems to be a world that is run by corporations like a corporation. Certain countries are run by corporations and some countries are run by taking-over corporations. We are now witnessing a serious shift in many traditional institutional methods along with age-old perceptions. The military superpowers of yesterday are standing on their knees before the economic superpowers of today. What was once touted as a free country is lot more constrained, rude, interrogative, and invasive where their own people are being oppressed softly than the ones they admonished during the cold war days. The “show me your papers” has been replaced by a simple credit card, social security card or even a basic drivers license. People are watched more carefully and closely with total disregard to their privacy and dignity by advanced technology preying deep into their personal lives. Today’s power abusing government officials keep us so puzzled with their intimidation and scare tactics that we do not have time to realize that our basic rights have also been taken away by new laws and regulations in the name of security. Democratic governments have begun to treat people like dictators while dictatorships have learned to control their people with the false pretext of democracy. Broken homes grow with more frequent divorces over trivial reasons as people become wealthier. The unreasonable distribution of “divorce settlements” feed this trend regardless of the fact that divorce is one of the top reasons for bankruptcies. It has become a legal, super-sensitive and precarious task to correct and reprimand your own children when they misbehave. Basic human lives have lost their value. Countries that were considered poor have become richer while once prosperous countries battle economic crisis. Elected leaders continue to make poor and selfish decisions while people continue to suffer helplessly, and wisdom sits under the thumb of people’s mobile web browsers while they continue to make poor choices and continue to become more ignorant on account of their arrogance. I wonder at times how this world will be, if countries can form coalitions to help other countries, stop wars, maintain peace, eradicate disease and poverty and educate, as opposed to standing together only to fight a common enemy sitting over valuable natural resources.

As people we have become more individualistic in nature by shrugging off our basic responsibilities towards our loved ones, family, humanity and the world we share. We are quick to retaliate against our loved ones when we put up with lot more nonsense from people who don’t matter to us. We easily hurt the people who love us without thinking, but we think twice before we say anything to a stranger. We have chosen to work harder at our jobs to succeed while we feel tired to work on the necessary relationships of our lives. “Sorry I do not have the time to attend to your human wants honey because I am too busy attending to the wants of a heartless entity I work for.” Money takes precedence over humanity. We have increasingly become more critical, untrusting and disrespectful of the opposite sex. Socially we have become stranger and paranoid. We look at almost everyone with suspicion. We may live in a community for several years yet we do not know our very neighbors name. Personally we have become more egoistic and arrogant regardless of what we truly are. We have become more demanding and short-tempered. We choose to be rude, unhappy and disrespectful to others over the most minor of incidents. Dignity and self-respect is put in the bottom shelf. We have increasingly become cynical human beings.

We hate and condemn narcotics traffickers and producers yet we pay top dollars to abuse our bodies with such drugs. We despise and religiously oppose prostitution, sex crimes, sex trafficking, child pornography, but yet we create a demand for them by indulging in such heinous and animalistic behaviors that are serious crimes against humanity. Are the producers and traffickers worse or the people who create the demand for such industries by paying top dollars worse?  The producer often escapes the legalities due to their connections while the consumers of such vices are clearly visible and yet not charged because of their fame and money. Yet the strictest of laws and severest of punishments are generously doled out on the victims of sex trades and traffickers of narcotics.

Look at the state of all these religions across the world. What a paradoxical mess they are in. Holy men caught in sinful acts. Religions of peace are being tainted by acts of chaos and terror. Men are treated as Gods by highly educated people, while God has lost his value over the many rituals and norms of the man-made religions. When all prophets were sent by one God and all are have the same family and creation, why do we separate them by different man-made religions and rituals? Yet, strangely the modern and evolved man chooses to follow the age-old paradigms developed by men thousands of years ago. Common knowledge about faith indicates that God created mankind in his own image and conveyed the message to live in peace, be humble, respect and serve humanity, treat each other like you would want to be treated yourself, love thy neighbor, be righteous, uphold morals, and help the needy and the poor. But the religions that were developed by the followers of the prophets and not the prophets themselves advocate segregation of humanity by religions, hate people who do not support your religious rituals, norms and beliefs, be violent, burn, kill and be arrogant and feel superior. I wonder if we are truly this blinded by the rituals of the religions to see the message of the creator. When we all read the same message in different books, why do we fail to see the similarities? People have become more religious lately but less spiritual. They choose to show their faith and religion by the display of their clothes and words rather with their conduct and character. I find it very funny to see people looking up towards the sky when seeking help from God when God is considered to be omnipresent? God in all faiths asks to help humanity. If this is so, is it necessary to help and feed the poor and serve humanity under the condition of changing their religion? Does charity have to be billed as Christian, Islamic, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist or any other denominational charities? Can’t we be just simple human beings and help our fellow kind regardless of their cast, creed, color or faith?

Many of us thrive on our relationships in our lives. These relationships feed our need for love, compassion, comfort, and a sense of belonging. The importance and influence of these relationships plays a vital part in the formation of our characters, behaviors and lifestyle choices. Yet there are those who are extremely callous with such relationships. Many cheat in love when they expect loyalty and honesty in it. Some have less value for the ones who make major sacrifices for their love over people who flatter their false egos. People begin to realize the worth of people only after they lose them from their lives. We are often too late to say sorry and speak words of love. We often remember the hurt someone has caused us and forget the good they have done and the happiness they gave us. People increasingly are becoming into more pseudo personalities in this world when it’s hard enough to be your true self. And for momentary happiness or satisfaction that usually doesn’t last for more than a few hours we choose to sacrifice our futures. Instant gratification has become the norm and thus once again we create yet another industry to feed our vain behaviors. We carry more applications on our phones than we can care to use, we live in bigger houses with fewer people, buy more than our affordability, talk but don’t listen, and then blame everything around us but ourselves. People hold on to a much higher sense of self entitlement. They no longer are humble and many feel they deserve much more and all others in their lives need to keep honoring their inflated self-worth by complying with their ever-rising demands. They never take the time to reflect on their true worth or think if they will do the same if someone else made such demands of them.

Sensible humans, Insensible beings !


Life realized


 

Please enjoy the audio feed above

 

Better the looks lesser the morals,

Higher the earning, lower than humility

Bigger the ego, larger the arrogance,

Sweeter the smile, ruthless the intent,

Louder the rituals, lesser the pious,

Higher the climb, steeper the fall,

Faster the want, shallower the need,

Able the person, lazier the deeds,

Easier getting love, lesser its value,

More caring the people, greater their loss,

Hungrier the knowledge, insatiable the need,

Materialistic the character, shameless the person,

Harsher the critics better the individual,

Softer the fall, lesser the learning,

Prouder the person, lesser the development,

Weaker the courage, lesser the growth,

Poorer the choices, bitter the life,

Bitter the being, worse the life,

Better the choices, larger the life,

Arrogant the person, stubborn their faults,

Larger the ego, pettier the person,

Bigger the lie, greater the shame,

Humble the being, lesser their guilt,

Courageous the individual, greater the inspiration,

Open the mind, sweeter the learning,

 

Whatever the hardships, have the will to fight!

You let the will die; you kill your spirit,

You let the spirit die; you kill your soul,

And you take down the whole world, your loved ones and all their spirits down with you. Just as when you loose someone dear to you and the hurt it gives you, you do the same to others when you hurt yourself.

 

Never! Never! Never say die! There is always a solution; there are always ways to find help, Approach each problem in life as an unsolved solution that you have been given the opportunity to solve. Find your way and set it ablaze for others to follow.

 

The greatest things one can do in life is to practice self realization. The only other thing that beats that is putting in all your effort into making the change once you have realized!

 


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