Tag Archives: forgiveness

Giving thanks on Thanksgiving


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Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve


lettinggo

 

“We seek the divine creator to forgive our greatest sins, and he forgives. Then who are we not to forgive those who wrong us?” – Anonymous

Aren’t we too quick to point fingers and tell people where they are going wrong? Often we appoint ourselves as the authority on what is right. But we seldom would accept, acknowledge or seek to find our own wrong doings and blunders in our lives. Many of us are afraid to face the disgust of our own mistakes and sins. Yet we are always ready to make others feel disgusted of theirs.

We aren’t perfect nor is the world we live in. We are all wrong doers and often many of us are much more worse than we would like to accept. We do several immoral things in our own personal lives and chose to forget it or be secretive about it, but we will never give up a chance to blame others of their immoral actions or tarnish their character based on their share of mistakes and sins.

But there are times when we do realize and repent. Our conscience shakes us and our guilt consumes our pride and we set out to repent for our wrong doings. And when we set out with such honest guilt and sincerity we solely seek for forgiveness. Forgiveness from those we have done wrong to or from a divine source we place our faith in. But this is just perfect for us, our inner peace and our own emotional balance and health. Even if we do not get the forgiveness we seek, we find solace in the fact that we have repented in enough in terms of undoing our wrong and perhaps going above and beyond by being extra nice.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Alas we learn to forgive others we seek forgiveness from others when we do wrong. The petty mindedness of us fuels our pride and arrogance to stand against basic decency and humanity and hold grudges and anger against others. A very convenient position to hold that blinds our logic and sensibilities and stops us from realizing how we ourselves would feel if we were put in a similar position. When we are wrong we rightfully expect others and even God to forgive us of our mistakes and sins. But when the same is asked of us and life provides us a chance to reciprocate, we soon turn our arrogance and petty mindedness without any shame.

Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always make you less than you are.

Malcolm Forbes

Several people spend a life time holding such grudges and refuse to forgive others. They choose to dwell in their hatred, anger and smallness rather than to understand life and reality, forgive and become greater human beings and move ahead into a much more peaceful and respectable life. We strain and loose several valuable years and time of good relationships in this one short life of ours. We estrange ourselves and let our anger and arrogance separate ourselves from our own blood and friends due to their mistakes and our inability to be mature and forgive. We lose our ability logically discuss, heal, understand, let go, and forgive in an effort to keep relationships. Instead we chose to forget all the goodness and good times we enjoyed from that person and judge the person with their one big mistake. Yet we will die of hurt when someone dies the same to us.

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

Forgiveness: According to the Merriam Webster dictionary to forgive is A) to give up resentment of, or claim to requital for B): to grant relief from payment of 2) : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON intransitive senses : to grant forgiveness.

Even though many people may say they have forgiven someone who has offended them, it nevertheless takes a long time to free themselves of the hatred and anger in their hearts. Their behaviour tends to betray that anger. On the other hand, the forgiveness is required to be sincere. Because we need to realize the fact that as human beings each one of us are tried and tested in every step of our lives and we engage in a continuous process of failing and learning from our mistakes. Thus it is imperative for each one of to learn to be tolerant and compassionate as we will eventually expect the same from others.

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher

So why is it important to learn to forgive? Here is one scientific reason: According to recent research, American scientists established that those capable of forgiveness are healthier in both mind and body. The team of scientists and health psychologists studied 259 people. The scientists invited the subjects to attend six one-and-a-half-hour sessions, and aimed to instruct the subjects in forgiveness during their conversations.

The subjects of the experiments stated that they suffered less after forgiving people who had wronged them. The research showed that people who learned to forgive feel much better, not only emotionally but also physically. For example, it was established that after the experiment psychological and physical symptoms such as stress-related backache, insomnia and stomach aches were significantly reduced in these individuals.

For those who claim to be religious or live in a constant pursuit to become a better human being based on their faith systems it is important for them to realize that forgives is a major part of all faith systems in the world. Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many varying modern day traditions and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness of one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and divine forgiveness.

Here are a few examples of some leading religions and their ideas and philosophies about forgiveness:

Judaism: If a person causes harm, but then they sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is religiously required to grant forgiveness to this person.

Christianity: Jesus speaks of the importance of Christians forgiving or showing mercy towards others. A quote from Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Islam: One of the names for Allah in Islam is Al-Ghaffur- meaning The All Forgiving entity. Forgiveness often requires the repentance of those being forgiven. Depending on the type of wrong committed, forgiveness can come either directly from Allah, or from one’s fellow man who received the wrong. In the case of divine forgiveness, the asking for divine forgiveness via repentance is important. In the case of human forgiveness, it is important to both forgive, and to be forgiven. In fact it is believed that a practicing Muslims’ pilgrimage is not accepted if forgiveness is not sought from those they have wronged against.

Buddhism: Forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will shall leave a lasting effect on our minds and eventually shape our destiny.

Hinduism: The concept of performing atonement from one’s wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness is n essential part of the practice of Hinduism. Repentance is the lay of Karma. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of those deeds and these deeds actively create present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain in others.

“Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. He began by forgiving us. And he invites us all to forgive each other.”

Lewis B. Smedes – Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

Doctors have proved that forgiveness and letting go of grudges immediately and drastically improved your health and quality of life. Here are a few proven benefits of forgiveness:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

So, how do you go about making the change and becoming a mature, generous and progressive indidivual by learnign to forgive others? Well, it is a process of learning and understanding who you turly are and how do you want to grow towards becoming a better and greater person in life. It is easy to be like the rest of the petty minded people and dwell in your misery and hold grudges. But it takes a great heart and progressive thinking to learn, forgive and move ahead in life. Here are a few things suggested by the mayo clinic on how to go about forging people:

  • Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
  • Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
  • When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
  • Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

What stops you from becoming free of hatred and anger in life is often your ego and inflated pride. Which, we all are aware has never done any good to anyone in their life. The power of forgivness is greater than that of hate and anger.


Tomorrow comes when it’s too late: Quick criticism and delayed appreciation


 

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Today I swung by Starbucks to get my usual fix of caffeine. Although I am not a big fan of Starbucks coffee I must say that I truly enjoy the atmosphere of this particular store. With the usual separate entrance door from the outside it is within a popular books store. Conveniently and strategically placed in the corner of the book store, it sits spreading its aroma beside the Magazines and newspaper stand.

 

I grabbed my latte and walked up to Calorie stand to load it up with the brown sugar, and cream in my desperate effort to drown the strong Columbian flavour that is sold like fine wine. While I was going about building my perfect concoction, I couldn’t help notice the side display of the magazine stand. There sat the line up of the best and most popular weekly and monthly issues. Fortune, Time, Newsweek, New Yorker etc all sat there touting their story. What was amusing is the fact that all their covers had the same person: Steve Jobs! Commemorative issues and weekly issues all praising the genius and thanking him for his amazing and wondrous contributions made to our world. The New Yorker even had St. Peter standing at the Pearly gates holding an I Pad welcoming Steve Jobs. Needless to say that all praise and adulations still fall short of the contributions made by him.

I was never too keen on the British music press. They’ve called us a supermarket hype, and they used to suggest that we didn’t write our own songs. ~ Freddie Mercury
 
What truly amuses me is the fact that such greatness is only admired, revered and honoured only after such an individual passes away. If we recollect, we can list several such great contributors to our world who have often been ridiculed and criticized endlessly until their demise and from that moment on the media and press can only remember their greatness and contributions. They will thank them, honour them, list their achievements and contributions and solemnly realize the amazing gift they were when they lived. But all this only occurs after they are gone. Some of our greatest scientists, musicians, artists, actors, politicians were all victims to many harsh criticisms when they lived and soon turned into great individuals and contributors to their profession, art and the world only after their death. Galileo Galilee, Socrates, Vincent Van Gogh, Emily Dickson, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson are a very few who come to mind.

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. ~ Mother Teresa

 

The same is true within our immediate life circles as opposed to famous people or celebrities. We truly come to appreciate our siblings, friends, parents, grandparents family members only after we lose them or they leave us. And all the time while they were alive never once it occurs to us to walk up to them and appreciate them or thank them for the value and joy they bring to us in our lives. Often when we happen to lose someone who we never liked or hated at times, we find it very hard to think of the very reasons why we held such feelings for them. The only thoughts that occupy our minds are the good memories and the nice things they did for us when they were alive. Often too little and too late to be realized and appreciated.  Weather we taken them for granted, we are blinded by our arrogance and pride, or carelessly leave such thoughts for later in life, we often come to a stage when we regret not having done what we should have much earlier. The guilt, sorrow and the regret once such time arrives is too burdensome for many.  I myself am guilty of such gross negligence and arrogance. I find it very difficult to bury my guilt when I think of the idiotic reasons I held on to against my mother when she was alive and never did give her the love and affection she very much was longing for. Then a few days after she passed away, I opened her cupboard and found the favourite toys from my childhood neatly arranged on the first main shelf. I was away during her last few years alive and seldom spoke to her over the phone. Yet she kept looking at these toys every single day she opened her cupboard and perhaps cherished the memories it brought to her.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~ Albert Schweitzer

 

We live in an age and time of false sense of entitlement and the need for instant momentary gratification. We live a life of greater wants and ambition with dwindling values and appreciation for many things and people.  Seldom do we stop to realize our actions or the repercussion of our spontaneous bursts of criticism and opinions without any thought put into it. We are too quick to criticize, blame others, discard sound advices, and continue to live with our prejudice, inflated egos, momentary satisfactions, arrogance and deliberately living in denial. Yet we carry the audacity to feel insulted and aggravated when someone points our mistakes, criticizes our actions, volunteers their advices or offers to help us get better.  

 

Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people’s, if we are always criticizing trivial actions – which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through our ignorance of their motives. ~ Saint Teresa

We truly need to practice more Thank you, generosity, selflessness, appreciation of others, understand their importance, and realize their value as we would like others to extend the same to us. We can truly become much happier people by being appreciative of others, things and people in our lives and become less bitter and angry individuals by giving up on criticising others, being cynical, holding hatred, and being intolerant.

 

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. ~ Dale Carnegie

 

By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property. ~ Voltaire

 


Awaken your Conscience – the beginning to happiness and success


 

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The strange thing about us human beings is that we often spend a lot of time and energy searching for ideas, and answers which often are found within ourselves. Many blame the world and everything they can and some often find their answers within. One of the most important answer we often seem to seek is: if we are doing the right thing? Or is what we are doing good for us? And as many accomplished and successful people have pointed out based on their own experiences: “listen to your inner voice or gut feeling”. Somehow this inner voice seems to know all the right answers and helps guide you often to the right things in life. And when we do something wrong it begins to eat us up from inside with guilt. But this inner voice is only heard if one pays attention and takes the effort to query or listen to it. And it only works if you take the necessary positive actions to do the right thing. This magical phenomenon that all of us have been gifted with is almost like a divine compass called Conscience. Like all the greatest gifts that we have Conscience is also another intangible and immeasurable possession like love, feelings, thinking etc.

Conscience is often found as a feeling of remorse when a human being commits actions that go against his or her moral values and beliefs. Conscience is like an aptitude, intuition or judgment of our thoughts and behaviours that distinguishes right from wrong. And us humans are asked to invoke this conscience universally through all religious belief systems and by means of any basic intellectual norms.

The word “conscience” is derived from the Latin word conscientia, meaning “privity of knowledge” or “with-knowledge”. The English word implies internal awareness of a moral standard in the mind concerning the quality of one’s motives, as well as a consciousness of our own actions. Conscience may be defined as the practical reason employed when applying moral convictions to a situation The many philosophers, or saints often ask to invoke our conscience to develop it, as they themselves do through daily contemplation or meditation combined with selfless service to others. Such developed state of conscience helps create a strong sense of intuitive insight or revelation to many. This helps a person to use their intellect towards positive and humane causes, pursue further knowledge, be self critical with the focus of self improvement and on a general level apply fair justice in his or her life.  

Yet we, the most developed and gifted species choose to live by killing our own conscience. Our pride, ego, anger and prejudice help us do things against our very own conscience until it is too late. The sad fact is that while one does things that go against their own moral values or beliefs, the conscience keep telling them that it is wrong. Once we do things against our conscience and fail, our conscience begins to hurt us with the feeling of severe guilt. But instead of taking the necessary positive steps to undo the damage many still continue to stifle this inner voice with rage and anger or drown it in intoxication.  We the intelligent, civilized and knowledgeable species choose such.

It is plain common sense that many of our personal and worlds’ ills are result of actions in rage and blind fury. The things we say to hurt others, the things we do to hurt others and ourselves, the greed we posses, the prejudice we hold, the disrespect we show are some of the things we do often against our conscience. The violent killings, the communal  riots, steeling, damaging things, wars, or theft are all things that people do against their basic human moral values and beliefs.

But this gift of conscience is a wonderful thing. It is the conscience that makes the individual set out to accomplish great feats and do the impossible, it makes people charitable, invokes the wealthy to become philanthropists, invokes love, compassion, and righteousness. It makes us become better people, do greater things in life, and helps us succeed.

Some quotes on Conscience:  

 

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it.
Albert Einstein

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.
Thomas Jefferson

The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience.
Mohandas Gandhi

All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience.
George Washington

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.
Leonardo da Vinci

Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
Carl Jung

War is so unjust and ugly that all who wage it must try to stifle the voice of conscience within themselves.
Leo Tolstoy

When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society.
Pope John Paul II

 

Development of Conscience:

Most people live with a self conceived idea and parameters of morality. It may be okay to lie a little but not to deceive or they may be comfortable to speak just to the advantages of doing something but choose to hide the negatives. But in general terms there is limit to who they choose to do and what they do not based on their moral values and comfort. These limits they choose change though time based on their individual experiences, social pressures and norms, or communal rituals and belief systems. But the conscience within eventually brings about a sense of balance as an individual evolves. But until such time the turmoil one can endure often affects their success and happiness in life.

So, how can one develop sound and balanced approach towards nurturing their conscience and morality to live a happy, content, and successful and guilt free life?

There are several theories based on studies of set groups. But it takes some honest self criticism and the will to self develop to come up with some key objectives:

1)      One needs to see the need to self develop and the need to adhere to balanced and just moral values and conduct. This in turn helps develop their inner conscience on sound principles which will allow them to do what is right and make them feel bad when they go against it.

2)      Fair judgement on balanced opinions and values. This can be practiced by not immediately reacting to any given situation. Exercising calm and some thinking can always help take a positive approach towards issues at hand. This becomes crucial to control haste and anger where patience and understanding would be more valuable.

3)      Respect and Equality for one and all. This would avoid people holding prejudice and tame ones ego. People who do not practice this often continue to live a life of arrogance, and self indulgence at the cost of other people’s happiness, self respect and peace. But they also live a life of continuous fight against their inner guilt and general level of discontent about everything in life.

Life is too short to waste time over petty behaviours and toiling in guilt. Many of our ills and unhappiness are out of our own choices and actions in life which are often against out very one divine gift called conscience. Awaken your conscience, live happier and become successful based on moral and balanced conscience!


SUPER HERO – you are no different from one.


 

 

You know, heroes are ordinary people that have achieved extraordinary things in life.  ~ Dave Winfield
 
 

The funny thing about us people is that we are perhaps the only species that does a mistake knowingly and with full awareness. We are the only creation on this planet that know what is wrong and still make a deliberate choice to do it anyway.A superior creation with the greatest gift of skills, knowledge, and abilities that surpasses every other creation, do this.We know the consequences of smoking and fully aware of the numerous stats and facts there are available, yet we willingly choose to smoke.We know how our actions, careless attitude and words may hurt the very people we love, yet we do it.We know what we need to do to succeed in life, become better people, and make simple yet great contributions to our world, yet we choose to take the lazy or easier path in life.

We the “Knowledgeable Man” – “Human Beings” do it.

If there is anything that the world, history, people, life, and every major event has thought us, it is that we people can do the most amazing of things in each of our lives. We can destruct, create, hate, love, take or give and live as nobody and stay bitter due to our prejudice or become somebody and leave behind a legacy. We can make great positive contributions to humanity, our family or even just one individual. We can influence, coax, inspire or provide.

Yet we either choose to do nothing or often choose to do what is wrong.

When we compare to those who lived just a few decades ago, we go to work in much more sophisticated cars, speak to people on a wireless telephone linked to our car via Bluetooth, work on a laptop with soft wares that practically required basic data input, come home to super think 3D TV programs, best of foods, inside our fanciest houses, and sleep on perhaps the most comfortable and scientifically developed luxurious mattress. And never stop finding reasons to complain about our life, people, fate, bad luck and anything we can find to blame things on!

A little patience and thought in making choices, a little bit of honest introspection, a positive attitude, some faith, and a whole lot of tolerance. Hold these together using sound morals, good values, and sincere and consistent attempts to make yourself a better person, shall make you nothing short of a “Super Human” or more so a “Super Hero”.

 

My heroes are the ones who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them. ~ Bono

 

So, what does this “Super Hero’s” do? Well, just about what we have known them for doing. They do good deeds, serve humanity, protect people and loved ones, help the poor and needy, fight every obstacle, fail but never give up, goes away in silent contemplation, returns with solutions and courage, accomplished their objectives, succeeds and become a hero amongst those who depend on them.

 
Nurture your minds with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.  ~ Benjamin Disraeli
 
 
In other words, they are generous and charitable in nature, helpful and giving in deeds, protective of their loved ones, willing to face every obstacle in life, and develop solutions to get over them, be willing to fail and learn from their experiences, always keep moving forward in life, think, indulge in some self-analysis, make some positive changes in self, change attitudes and muster courage and persevere until they win.If you give these a little thought, you will soon realize that every single one of these acts is possible by you, I or anyone else. Many of them are very simple ones. Easily do-able. The difference being the will and attitude! You do not have to freeze a lake, move a mountain, or fly around the world to do great things. Your greatness lies in the most simplest of things in your daily lives. Often your deeds are perceived to be much greater than you will ever know by those who value it and receive it. The drive, determination and will to keep trying to win regardless of the obstacles, failures, criticism, or time is what makes the difference.

 

Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They’re just braver five minutes longer. ~ Ronald Reagan

 
Try being a “Super Hero” for just one single moment every day. It may become a habit. That habit may inspire another. That inspiration may become contagious and Voila! You have single-handedly influenced the world around you by that 1 single moment by being “Super Hero”!  You can do small great things and be a hero at work, become a hero for your spouse, for your children, for your siblings, for yourself. Try it! It anything, it will only add just another positive moment to your life. No, it doesn’t take much. And once done, make it a habit and collect such several “Super Hero” moments and make your life worthwhile. Sponsor a child, a family, be charitable, volunteer at a local shelter for those in need, be compassionate, tolerant, loving, generous, selfless and forgiving.
 
 
The reason progress is slow is that we always expect other men to be the heroes and to live the heroic lives. But we all have hero stuff in us. In our sphere of life we can always live more heroically and triumphantly and grow in heroic stature.  ~ Wilferd A. Peterson

The power of YOU! Your true worth and purpose in life.


Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~ Helen Keller

We are people who constantly endeavor in a firm mission to make our life worth while and with purpose. Every living hour of interaction with other people, nature and life is merely a process of brining purpose to our action in which we seek some satisfaction of self. Thus it is very important for each of us to realize and question our purpose in almost every aspect of our life. What is the true purpose for our respective lives? What is the fundamental purpose to work? What is the purpose of marriage? Or most importantly, what purpose do we fulfill in another persons life?

Every one of us have been created uniquely with unique skills, capabilities, thought processes, and characters. But finding the unique purpose that we will full fill is something that we have to seek, develop and accomplish ourselves. No one is going to do it for us. In order for us to understand this we first need to realize the power of our individual influence.

The world of tomorrow, and the people who will live then, will live a life that has been shaped by the actions we take today. We know this too well because we ourselves life a life of the actions and steps taken by our ancestors. Similarly, we live our life today which is highly influenced by a hand full of individuals who made great contributions, inventions and discoveries. The moment we realize this simple fact and make a choice to exercise our existence to make a good influence to humanity we find purpose.

Only a life lived for others is the life worthwhile. ~ Albert Einstein

We unknowingly often fulfill many purposed in other people’s lives. For example: we fulfill the purpose of being an adviser when one seeks this from us, we fulfill the purpose of being a friend when people need us, we fulfill the purpose of being an mentor to those who look up to us for guidance. We also influence the world around us by our choices, purpose and reactions. Hence we must make good of our purpose and ensure that it aimed towards a noble cause.

How we think, process any given information, make our choices and react is unique to us. And this shapes our world around us. We influence people and many other greater things in life by these unique and individual reactions and choices. This individual identity of ours fulfills a unique purpose in life. We matter. Our actions matter. And hence it is important to improve our actions and reactions constantly to make a better and good impact on our life and world.

There comes a special moment in everyone’s life, a moment for which that person was born. That special opportunity, when he seizes it, will fulfill his mission – a mission for which he is uniquely qualified. In that moment, he finds greatness. It is his finest hour. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

You can make a unique difference.

You matter!

Remember that your actions and purpose has greater significance in many other people’s lives!

Your contributions to mankind, world, family, and evryone you touched in your life are the only things that show your true worth and character. These are the only things that make your life worthwhile and it begins with you!

 Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~ Steve Jobs


Personality Progressive Development


 

 

Yes, personality has external and other factors that determine it. Heredity, our respective external environment, personal experiences and specific circumstances have a bearing on our respective individual personalities. However, other than heredity, we as humans can exercise your power to choose and think to make the changes we need to our personalities as opposed to blaming other factors. As we grow older, gain maturity, develop our own beliefs, opinions, ability to think, ability to differentiate between good and bad, ability to choose and disregard, we can make the much-needed developments to make ourselves better human beings in the process. As we all know that personality always changes over time and based on individual experiences, we can surely choose to make these experiences and time to shape ourselves as better individuals. It is easy to blame our faults and lack of ability to progressively evolve into better human beings, but it is imperative for us to take ownership of our own good and change our personalities for the better.  

Here are some ideas to help build a positive personality. Following these can and will help you become more popular, likeable, loveable, and impact your life very positively:

Identify yourself first: Be reasonably self-analytical and critical. Compare yourself to an ideal personality you seek to become and ask yourself why that personality. Identify areas you need to develop or improve. Try to understand who you really are, where do you come from, and what are the good and bad morals and values of who you truly are.

Recognize the need for improvement and progress: Realize your pitfalls and mistakes. List areas of improvement and development needed. See where you what to be, how do you want to be, how do you want people to see you as. And in doing so, ensure you are being realistic and are aiming for honest, moral and positive attributes.

Learn willingly and openly: Learn from others, pick their goodness and good wisdom, and reject their bad habits and beliefs. Search for good sources to learn from all and every experience from your life. Don’t reject anyone or any things you can learn from. Wise wisdom can be found in any place from anyone, so can immoral aspects. Choose the good and keep learning.

Take charge and responsibility: Know that you have the capability and courage to become who you want. Be determined and take charge of your own development. Not doing anything will not get you anywhere. So, become responsible and a confident individual.

Be genuine and honest: Be honest in your efforts. Be honest to self and be honest with others. Your honesty is clearly visible. Do not take others for fools and assume they can’t see your dishonesty. If people do not react it doesn’t mean they believe you. Your honest is very clearly visible in your actions, deeds, and words.

Be considerate and polite: Develop basic skills to behave, talk, act and think in a considerate and polite manner. By respectful of others before you expect them to show these attributes to you.

Follow through your commitments: When you give your word or commit to something, be bold, courageous and honorable enough to follow through with your actions. Weather it is in a relationship or work, one has to learn the value of integrity and consequences of misleading someone and having them pin their hopes, desires, wishes and emotions to their commitment. A person, who doesn’t stand by their word and follow through in actions, will never be able to find true happiness or respect within or from others. 

Be selective and aware of your choice of words: Use positive words always. Speak softly, yet clearly and firmly. Think of sentences and words before you speak to avoid misunderstandings. Use kind and eloquent words when and where possible. Control your voice when you speak. Be aware and respectful of your surroundings. Think how you are coming across to your audience.

Be sensible with criticism: Do not criticize. You may casually be critical amongst your close friends and family, but be aware there is a limit there too. If people laugh along with you it doesn’t mean they approve of your criticism. And remember that there is only a fine line between criticism, condemnation and character assassination.

Be a good listener: One of the key factors is to be a good listener. Learn to be patient, show genuine interest, look them in the eye, and truly listen to what they are saying to you. Ask questions, don’t interrupt, and be considerate.

Motivate and Inspire: Speak words and act in a manner that inspires others and motivates others to become positive and be happier. I call this putting butterflies in their stomachs. Say things to help others that make sense and makes then smile and ticklish in their stomach. Positive words with a smile, smell good, dress good, walk tall, etc.

Recognize Good and appreciate it: If you recognize and appreciate a good behavior in a person, it makes the other person repeat this particular behavior more. When you see good, walk up to this person and express your appreciation. You there by build their confidence and boost their positive behavior.

Be generous and helpful and expect nothing in return: Help others generously. Help by sharing knowledge, teach, share wealth with the poor, share your wisdom, your experiences, share your goodness. And do it with humility by understanding you too take and need others help in life. And do it freely as a good human being and expect nothing in return.

Be humble and grateful: Thank people, give away your ego in exchange for gratefulness. Be nice, and do not show off. Let yourself be known by your character and class. Not as a shameless and cheap loud mouth.

Be honorable and loyal: Keep your, morals, values, principles and honor intact. People will learn to depend on you based on these virtues.

Carry a great sense of humor: This one attribute will help you sail through any problems, complexities, stress and relationships. Take a lighter look at situations and learn to see the funnier side of things. Laugh at them and share the laughter. Learn to laugh at yourself.

Don’t procrastinate: Daily make it a habit to list things, then prioritize them and aim to complete the top three at least in a given day always. This will eventually give you a tremendous sense of accomplishment and impact your attitude positively.

Take care of your appearance: Don’t become careless and disregard your appearance. Always aim to look good, maintain good hygiene, appear to be clean, smell good, dress well, etc. Take care of your health, weight, and appearance.

Earn Respect: Don’t expect people to respect your title, age or gender. Earn their respect by behaving in a manner that contributes to your title, age gender etc. Earn the right to give advice, comment, or speak. Give respect before you expect it from others. And command respect by your behavior, do not shamelessly demand it when you do not get any.

Become a better Human being as well. Or more importantly be a human being that makes others what to be like you. Be able to respect yourself and see how you come across as a person and an individual to the world around you. Here are a few perspective I like to share to become a good human being first:

  • Love everyone regardless of caste, religion, creed, color, country or culture but for the good in them. The will love you back for the same reasons.
  • Strive to become a moral and responsible individual.
  • Respect all as well and above all do not be critical of the differences. They will reciprocate in the same manner towards you.
  • Be honest to self first. You will be rewarded and others will respect you for that.
  • Build character by actions and deeds, and not by words. You will inspire others and your loved ones by this.
  • You will find common ground with every person you meet if you want to. But you should be willing to communicate and be approachable.
  • Establish your identity by character. Not by your skin color, culture or religion. You will win the love, respect and appreciation of all people you meet all through your life.
  • Take pride in who you are and what you are made of. If you don’t respect yourself, your culture or religion, others will not respect these either.
  • Don’t build a pseudo personality in order to pretend to be affiliated to a popular group or a person to win their love and respect. Real people can see through it. And you eventually will find yourself to be lonely as your pretentious guard will one day fall.
  • Learn and be self-critical! Do not be so pig-headed that you never improve yourself and deteriorate over time in knowledge and wisdom.
  • Lastly, please take time to appreciate what you like in others. It’s a simple phenomenon. The more you appreciate what you liked in one person, the more that person feels like giving it to you and others.

 


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