Tag Archives: happiness

Are you a “problem solver” or a just another “Whiner”?


 

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A “Solution Driven” life – to live a life of a problem solver

Every sales person who is selling you something today often tries to position their product or service as a “Solution”. It is either a solution to make your life easier, save time, save money, increase you bottom line savings, manage your job better and help you solve that particular problem. And all their products or services is designed to solve what they like to call as a `Problem“. It is a simple yet very persuasive and most popular business selling concept.  The sales and marketing teams design their positioning statement or advertisements to highlight the problems you may face by not using their products and then showcase their solution to eliminate that problem for you. In order for you to buy into their offerings, they also try to build you problem bigger. They seek out your pinch points, develop the issue bigger by making you consider the consequences of not solving the problem, and then make solving that problem an imperative need that you must address.

If you apply this perspective to life, then everyone who can identify a particular problem and develop their own solution to that problem can be successful. We all face several “problems” in life all the time. We worry about the consequences of the problem and get stressed all the time. All we have to do is identify the problem dispassionately as though you are getting paid to find a solution, approach the idea objectively, develop the solution and then apply that solution to that particular problem all the time. This turns into a successful business model if you chose to sell this unique “solution” to everyone who has a similar problem.

Here is another perspective to the same matter. If you look at someone playing a video game objectively, you will soon realize that all they are doing is navigating their characters through a complex obstacle race to get to the next level. They develop strategies, lose their lives, start from the scratch again, learn from their past mistakes, and overcome their obstacles and get to the next level. And as they go higher in their game level the challenges gets more complex and difficult. However, the player relentlessly keeps the fight on until they finally finish that game at the final level. What’s even more interesting is that while they do this the players often dedicate their total attention, time and stay committed to finishing that game. They clock in several sleepless nights, skip food, and forget about all other commitments they may have. And finally all they get at the end of their game is just two simple things. 1) Bragging rights, and 2) The ultimate satisfaction of having accomplished a complex and challenging task. But these two things mean a lot to the player.

Now if you were to apply this perspective to real life again, then you can certainly develop intelligent strategies to navigate through the complex obstacle ridden life by solving each challenge and keep progressing until you accomplish your objective. All you need to do here is keep the same mind set you take to the video game, that is: it is your job to solve the problem by finding the solution to progress further. In doing this, once gain you may sacrifice several hours, skip a few meals, spend sleepless nights, and constantly keep thinking of all the ways you can overcome the challenges. But ultimately, you will develop your own solution to the problem, navigate through it successfully, regardless of the number of times you fail, and eventually progress from one stage in life to another and accomplish the task of solving several complex problems. Now all you do is hold on to the same idea, commitment and sprit for every problem in life and collect several bragging rights for several problems you have found solutions to. And above all, bask in the success of your progress through life.

The funny thing about problems in life is that it makes us often react in a less intelligent manner to it. By default we begin to fear and worry about the consequences of the problems. And we end up spending more time worrying about the consequences and the inconveniences of the problem that we may face rather than spending that time working towards developing a solution.  Also we often carry a fear of failing to develop a solution or developing a solution that may fail. And due to such fears we end up doing nothing or procrastinating. Meanwhile the problem just sits there and doesn’t go away or snow balls into something much bigger. This is exactly where the sales person with the solution loves to be so that he or she can sell their developed solution to you.  Now your need is greater and you will do anything to solve the problem.

But what if you were to own the problem and take on the responsibility to find a solution yourself? Why wait for someone to come by and tap your shoulder and sell you a solution? Not that people are going around tapping people’s shoulders and solving their problems all the time. When it comes to your life problems, you are on your own. You own this business. This is your own video game.  It is your job to apply the right attitude and develop a solution to that particular problem. And if you have played video games, you sure know that you do have the skill set required to play develop the right strategies and solutions to overcome this problem too. All you got to do is take the same attitude to this task.  Weather it is a job related problem, education problems, relationship problem, health problem, weight problem, financial problem or a parenting problem, you sure can learn, read, ask around, and educate yourself to the number of possible solutions there are. Then taken on the responsibility and put in your time and effort to developing a solution to your problem and solving it. You have your browsers on your phones, at home; you have friends, advisers, and many other sources to learn from.  And there are other people who have developed solutions and selling them too. What truly matters is your attitude towards your problems. If you take the responsibility to find a solution, and view your life problems objectively you certainly can solve them.

No one has ever said that life is fair. It isn’t. It is tough to just get by. But many of us plow our way to success and happiness too. Every successful person has faced their share of set backs, problems and devised a way to over come them. The path to success is paved with several hurdles and challenges that we need to over come. You will certainly find a problem in every turn. But it is only a problem until you find a solution. Now regardless of the kinds of problems you may face, choose to become the video game player or the problem solving sales person, and begin to collect the bragging rights of being a problem solver and progress through all life levels with confidence.  After all, solving your life problems if your job. No one is going to come by, hold your hand and walk you towards a solution. Developing your solutions to make yourself successful is your job. All one has to do is to first, get up, and start working towards a solution.

What’s your problem?


Are you a Thinker/Self Learner OR an Unquestioning Follower?


The core problem in life is that too many of us are unquestioning followers rather than intelligent thinkers. If we didn’t depend upon others to learn from, borrow ideologies, ape other people’s beliefs and behaviours or even conform to their opinions, perhaps we will truly progress and be happier. Because when we begin to self learn and gather our own original opinions from life and experiences, our wisdom is truly first hand and reliable based on our own use of intellect and thinking. This is the only way we can bring about change and true progress.

 

This may be a bit difficult to the power brokers and those who barter knowledge for power, but for the free spirited and the eager minds, this is perhaps a revolution against age old wisdom, centuries old prejudice, senseless rituals, and confined wisdom. The trasition from being a conformist to a self learner and thinker will bring about greater changes in self and the world.

Please see this TED talk:

TED Talks


The “Anger” dilemma


 

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Jim gets an unpleasant call one day from his son Arnold: Dad I am at the ER at the Hospital, There has been an accident, but I am fine. Jim doesn’t bother to ask the details after listening to his sons voice, but rushes to the ER to find his son admitted with a severe burn on his face.

Arnolds chin, nose and a side of his face was burnt in a fire accident. Although he was in pain and severe agony, his shock from the incident wasn’t worn out. It appeared that he was still living through the moments of the unfortunate incident over and over again. The shock and emotional trauma seemed to be more agonizing for him than the physical ones.

After the initial shock and hurt, Jim managed to collect himself and sit beside his son and assure him that he will be fine soon. Once the doctor on duty came by and assured Jim that although Arnold suffered these burns he should recover soon and should be fine, Jim managed to step out for a bit to take a break from the ever busy and frantic sounds of nurses, equipments, monitors and patients.

Outside the ER he found Arnolds childhood friends sitting at the waiting area. Nick and Andrew were Arnold’s best friends since his nursery. Living in the same neighbourhood they practically grew up together. Hence, anticipating a breakdown of events that lead to this accident, Jim sat down beside them and asked them to walk him through the tragedy.

It all began when the three decided to have a BBQ that evening over a charcoal grill. After their initial efforts to ignite the coal using some paper and dry sticks failed, their interest shifted to setting the grill on fire with other things they could find in the garage. Once the fire started, Arnold took the lead in turning this project into a sort of a bonfire. He kept through things into the fire that could combust into a bigger fire balls. The more he instigated the fire, the bigger it became. And finally, out came the infamous lighter gas can. While Nick strolled away from this site and Andrew stepped inside to grab the meats, Arnold decided to throw the butane can into the fire in an effort to spite its fury and watch what happens.

The can exploded on his face. The fire ball was big enough to burn his face and throw him a few feet away. Andrew and Nick heard the sound and rushed to rescue Arnold and got him to the hospital.

Jim was shocked at the stupidity of his usually well behaved and academically smart son. He asked Andrew and Nick how come they didn’t stop or advice him against this. Nick said he got scared, warned Arnold and eventually stepped away from the fire. Andrew said he didn’t expect this from Arnold, but was there immediately out to douse the fire with water and later an extinguisher after he pulled Arnold away to safety. He managed to get Arnold into the car and to the hospital while the fire site was covered with smoke on the yard smelling really bad.

Although Jim was very disturbed by his sons’ behaviour and poor judgement, he couldn’t help think that this becomes a much needed and valuable lesson for his son for the rest of his life.

Let us assume the FIRE in this story represents ANGER. And Arnold was playing with this fire contrary the several advices and blatant facts. The lessons from this incident are as follows:

  • Although Anger is necessary at time, it has to be within a controllable limit
  • Do not play with Anger if you are not willing to withstand the consequences
  • Don’t blame the fire for burning you, blame yourself for instigating the fire
  • If you instigate it and keep throwing things to spite it, the Anger may blow up on YOUR face
  • Smart people walk away from Anger
  • Good people douse the anger with whatever they can
  • The bruises from Anger will bear emotional scars for long
  • If you instigate anger, it is very likely you will be the ultimate victim
  • Once doused, the event will stink for a long time

In our world, Anger is seen as a bad behaviour displayed by the week and cowardly. The person who gets Angry is looked down upon.  There are dire consequences to face if one looses his or her cool due to anger. There are anger management lessons to control and manage anger. But there is very little said about the instigators. The Arnolds of the world and their plight as a victim often takes very little interest. Their stupidity and poor judgement of playing with Anger is often do not get criticised. In fact it is quite the contrary. They are the poor victims and the sympathy lies with them. While the stupidity, hate and displeasure is against the fire to the person who dared to express his or her displeasure with the natural human reaction called Anger.

Anger is certainly a negative behaviour with often severe bad consequences. In anger an individual easily tends to lose logic, and basic common sense. Rage and the need for vengeance takes over sensibilities, intelligence and tact. And it is a proven fact that people get angry for the most trivial and silliest reasons majority of the time.  A study conducted by the British Association of Anger Management a few years ago brought out some interesting statistics:

  • 45% of adults lose their temper at work
  • 33% are not in speaking terms with their neighbours due to anger
  • More than 80% of drivers have been involved in road rage incidents
  • 50% of people have reacted badly when faced with computer problems at work.
  • And (nor surprisingly) 1486 incidents of serious air rage reported by the Airlines.

Of course, the instigators are not interesting enough. The airline staff can continue to instigate and play with fire, annoying neighbours are do the same, and the tech support can always slow down your computer with the much necessary “Upgrade”.  If you react, you will need to control your anger and go to some anger management class while the Arnolds of the world can rake in the sympathies as victims.

So what is this Anger? Well, one popular website, WebMD describes it as: “..a very powerful emotion that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, or disappointment. It is a normal human emotion that can range from slight irritation to strong rage.”

The website goes further to describe the consequences of suppressed anger as follows:

“Suppressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Anger that is not appropriately expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems. Chronic (long-term) anger has been linked to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems. In addition, anger can be linked to problems such as crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.”

Therefore, it is necessary to express our anger, but the key is the manner we choose to express it. As I have mentioned in my other earlier posts, our life is defined by our reactions to it. Hence it is imperative for us to carefully choose our reactions and what we choose to get angry over.

Over the years, unless instigated by constant probing, irritation, disrespect, emotional and personal punches to my ego, I have learned to control my reactions mostly. But I continue to burst out in rage when I lose control because of bottling up my frustration, hurt and annoyance. After all, it is a normal human emotion that I am trying to suppress. But what amuses me and seems to work often is what Nick and Andrew did in the story above. Walk away from the situation that angers you, or douse it with whatever I can. In most cases these are the things that helped me douse the anger:

  • Reason
  • Humour
  • Logic
  • Learning to be assertive
  • Agreeing to disagree
  • Disconnect from the discussion if it doesn’t concern me personally
  • Stop and try to understand the other persons perspective or reasons

And one of the most important thought process that has helped me manage my anger better is understanding and accepting the fact that we live in an imperfect world. Like ourselves, others tend to do mistakes too. Letting people do their share of mistakes and learning through their pitfalls is one of the grater services you can do to people.  Although it is at times at the expense of your time and emotions, the patience you can muster with some understanding will often go a long way. I am sure many of us can recollect a time when someone chose to overlook our short comings in life. Giving space to people to do mistakes and learn from it often helps them learn faster and more effectively than wasting your time and emotions of trying to advice, coach or instruct them on what is the right thing to do.

My experiences now are lot more subtle and often funny as opposed to anger and dismay. I let the speeding car that comes up and sticks to my bumper pass, only to find them stopped by a cop further down the road. When someone cuts me off on the road, I smile and let them be, and often find someone one else expend his rage and emotion at that inconsiderate driver. I choose to sit down and use the speaker phone mode when talking to customer service. I ask them very politely to explain to me why they think that their response is a reasonable one. Often they end up correcting themselves when you put them through the exercise. I try to walk away from people who are being unreasonable, and return to the discussion after giving them some time to mull over their argument and see reasons themselves. All one needs to do is state the facts and walk away. A reasonable person will often come around. And a smile often solves many things.

There are many things in life that is not worth the trouble of draining your emotions.  Many things in life tend to fix themselves. You need not be the one to take on the responsibility to fix everything that you find wrong. Do whatever you reasonably can to make things better. Unreasonable angry people will eventually learn and find ways to cool down. If they do not they will face the consequences like Arnold.

Life is too short to live as an angry teacher. But it is more gratifying to live it as an eager student.


No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking


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“Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.” ~Stanley Arnold

Problems! Dont we all have them? Relationship problem, financial problem, technical problem, political problem, etc. The list could possibly never end.  We face problems from the day we begin to breathe. Even the most basic aspects of life begins as a problem. Unable to talk, walk, express moods, communicate, eat, were all once problems. But we didn’t see these as problems. Even in our infant stages of life without adult thinking abilities, we are naturally wired to resolve them. We try, and try again until we over come these “problems”. Perhaps it is our most basic instincts and nature to see each of these problems as challenges and approach them relentlessly as opportunities to grow. Many of us as kids often take the same approach towards over coming many of our challenges too.  We will stay up all night, fight sleep and often skip meals to repeat all the stages till we overcome all the stages until we beat it and finish that video game. And once beat that game what do we do? We go get the next tougher game to beat.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems. – Mohandas K. Gandhi

This wonderful attitude and behaviour pattern surprisingly fades as we grow older. We lose the vigor and the attitude we take towards solving the problems we face. Certainly, the problems do become a bit more complex in life. But sadly our attitude and approach becomes lot weaker. We learn to take on more stress, worry more, procrastinate, escape from problems or find excuses. But what would life be like if we didn’t do these and continues to approach every problem in our adult life as opportunities to solve them? We would invent or develop “solutions”! Solutions to enable people to carry over 10,000 songs in a tiny chip, solutions to fly over 200 people on a 710,000 lbs of aircraft across the atlantic, solutions to over come our common or complex problems in life. The key is how we approach these “problems” in life.

“Cubixrule” is a term I came up with for the process I use to solve many things that I consider a problem. It is rather an unconventional way to approach a problem where I learned to see them as an opportunity to find or develop a solution rather than worry about it endlessly and let it consume my life and health.

The term “Cubixrule” itself was inspired from Rubik’s Cube, which I was introduced to by my older brother when I was about 11 years old. It was the hottest things in the world then. Everyone was talking about the complexities of this puzzle and were racing to figure out a solution. After several weeks I had developed a solution on my own. Ever since I learned to solve it by myself by developing a few short series of algorithms, I began to apply the belief that if I could solve such a complex puzzle, I must be able to solve many other problems as well.

Many years later, my older brother once again got me another puzzle. This time it was another puzzle developed by the same inventor Rubik again. This one was called Rubik’s clock. Along with this puzzle, my brother gave me a copy of a Time magazine in which there was a small article about this new puzzle and how the inventor himself was seeking a physical solution still. The computer suggested a few million possible solutions to this puzzle, but an actual physical solution was not developed yet. Unlike the cube this puzzle was a disc with nice clock faces on either side. The objective was to turn the four dials on the side of this puzzle and get all the nine clock hands to the 12’0 clock position on both sides.

Three and a half days later, I had solved the puzzle and had developed a 17 step solution to solve the puzzle in less than 30 seconds. Once again I applied the “Cubixrule”. By this time, I had formed a definition for this word in my mind. It was a few positive fact based statements to define the thought process to solve a given problem.

Cubixrule – is a thought process where it is believed that: “Every problem has a solution. It is only a problem until a solution is developed by someone. Therefore, every problem is nothing more than an undeveloped solution. And the challenge to be the first one to develop the solution is an opportunity to lead the world to a new higher level”

I have since often reverted to “Cubixrule” when ever I have been pushed against the wall by a problem or stressful issue in life. My mind begins to think of various possible solutions that I can possibly come up with in a short period of time. And strangely after mulling over this phase for some time, I often stumble upon the “Eureka” moment often in the middle of the night or in my dream. This eureka moment is when I come up with a solution that was earlier considered to be unthinkable, unimaginable, impossible, or often simply plain stupid. And it arrives with a sense of confidence, and vigor that never dies until I have tried it and made it work.

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” ~Anthony J. D’Angelo

But “Cubixrule” has its challenges too. Because it involves a level of unconventional thought process, sense of immense confidence in self and determination to come up with a solution that was undeveloped ever before, it may be considered to be stupid by the world around us. Historically, when someone spends their time on doing something that is popularly considered to be as impossible, it has always been considered to be a waste, an effort in vain, and often stupid. And the challenge is not to give in to this pressure. Never!  There may be several trials, errors and failures in Cubixrule. But being persistent, logical, analytical, and realistic is a must if you are determined to succeed. It is also important to always see every failure as a lesson to learn from and build on its teachings. Always remind yourself that the problem on hand is just an undeveloped solution.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~Albert Einstein

It is true when they say that: “Only the ordinary people do the most extraordinary of things”. Every scientist, politician, visionary, inventor, discoverer, musician who gave our world many wonderful things and knowledge were once considered to be ordinary. Each and every one of them faced their hardships, critics, ridicule, depression, stress and obstacles and overcame them by their own respective versions of “Cubixrule”. They each did the extraordinary. The saw the undeveloped solution and set to develop one themselves and eventually proved their world wrong.  If one digs a little deeper into any of the major inventions, processes, solutions that we enjoy today and how they were developed, we will soon learn that each one of them faced and over came their problems by seeking out the respective solutions.

How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself – so always think positively. – Norman Vincent Peale

Likewise, we are all such ordinary people who can certainly do extraordinary things. Many of us many not realize that we have been doing many such things since our childhood. If we were people who fear failure or what people will say or think we would have never learned to walk as a child, we would have never learned to speak, learn, express our feelings, study, face the world, have relationships, grow up and succeed. But we did and continue to do such things all the time. We each faced our share of respective challenges and over came them after a few falls, failures, trials and errors. Some hurdles in life may be small and some very tough, but nevertheless, we  use our internal positive will and energy to over come them. We can move further to solve many such problems in our lives and accomplish many extraordinary things. All we got to do is to see each problem we face with our version of “CUBIXRULE” based on our objectives, will, and the desire to solve it. Be it a financial problem, a relationship, a work related, mechanical, or any problem that life throws our way, the attitude, will, and the determined approach we apply will eventually help solve it. The art is to look at the “problem” as an “opportunity” or a challenge to use all our skills, experience and intelligence to find a solution and solve it!

So, what is your problem?


Creating experiences that inspire


 

 

We all are shaped by our experiences in our lives. And the memories, good and bad have permanently altered our outlook towards our lives and future. We are nothing but a mind over matter that is a product of our experiences under specific circumstances in our lives.  If our circumstances were any different our experiences would have been very different as well and would result in a different memory that will remain with us forever. Perhaps they lie dormant in our minds for long, but only until similar circumstance arises in our lives.  I tend to draw some inspiration from the character Guido; Roberto Benigni played in the movie Life is Beautiful where in the second half of the movie he tries to create a totally different experience of a Nazi Camp for his son by telling him that they are participants in a game to collect points. In the end the son thinks he won the game while his father got killed in the process.

Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. ~Author Unknown

Our response to situations, and events in our lives are all shaped by our experiences. Your thought process, our mind set, attitude, aspirations, expectations, and social behaviour are all altered or shaped by our experiences.  Many of our experiences are usually personal in nature and there are several experiences that are conceived. The personal experiences are usually deeper in nature that we hold on to for long because we have endured personally as opposed to the ones that are conceived by other people’s personal experiences or opinions which changes over time and based on our individual personal experiences on that subject. If you spend some time thinking about your experiences that have affected you and your opinions about certain things in life, you will soon realize how fragile your opinions could be as it would have been lot different only if the circumstances of your experience were different.

Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him. ~Aldous Leonard Huxley

How you react to an experience and your choice of response leaves an almost  permanent code of response to similar future experiences in your memory. You are more likely to response very similarly the next time you encounter a similar experience. Thus what you chose to do with your experiences plays a major factor in your development, understanding, response, opinions and future behaviours. We all  carry several fond memories of your childhood that we often try to recreate for our youngsters or children. We often try to physically recreate the same atmosphere and circumstances hoping our children have the same experiences in their lives. We ape our parents’ behaviours at times in an effort to invoke similar response from our children, we tell the same old stories we grew up with to our children, or create similar environments such as taking them to a beach, playing in an open back yard etc. The core idea being that we hope our children to grow up with the same fond memories we did from our childhood.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again – and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. ~Mark Twain

When we realize how important a personal experience is to us and how it has influenced our lives in several ways, and how our choice of reaction to these experiences under specific circumstances has shaped our personality, it will dawn upon us the importance it is for us to create good experiences and circumstances for everyone who comes in contact with us in our lives. What we experience under specific circumstances shapes us and what circumstances and experiences we create influences every individual we come in contact in our lives. It is very similar to how we feel when we have met someone who makes us feel good or bad. And the other individuals’ response or reaction to the experience we bring to them affects us in return.

Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself. ~Thomas Jefferson

We all are made of our experiences that we encountered in a specific circumstance. If an individual behave in a particular way, it is because his or her experience thought him these responses and resulting characteristics were born. We are like them too and they are like is. We all are victims of our life experiences. But we each can change ourselves and others by changing the scars in memories by creating new and positive experiences and circumstances. We can influence opinions, understanding, memories, feelings, responses, love, hatred, prejudice, knowledge and lives by how we chose to behave and the experiences we create for ourselves and others. Thus by making every effort to create a positive interaction and experience every time you speak or contact others you create a better world of pleasant memories, experiences and happiness.

To do something, however small, to make others happier and better, is the highest ambition, the most elevating hope, which can inspire a human being ~ John Lubbock

So, the next time you visit family over holidays, go over to a friend home, advice someone who looks up to you,  interact with colleagues at work, meet your grand parents, siblings, nephews or nieces, make effort to create a positive experience for them and try to leave them with pleasant memories of you and your words and wisdom. For they often have a profound impact in their lives like your experiences have impacted you. You can begin at home with your siblings, wife and children and enjoy a life of pleasant experiences and memories. Your personal experiences are created by how others treat you. Likewise their experiences with you are based on how you treat them. It is a chain of continuous actions and reactions. But to change this link from a negative to a positive one needs to come from you.


Life is not being who you are…..Constructive Dissatisfaction!


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It is commonly said that we need to be who we truly are. This is of course said in the context that we need not to be what others want us to be or spend a life trying to be someone who we aren’t.  But does being who we are good enough? Is that a right goal for an individual living in a fast, progressive and competitive world?

 

We aren’t perfect people and most of us are far from being what we truly can become. We have several flaws in our habits, choices, behaviours and decisions. Some of us strive to do good and change while many spend a great deal of their lives with the desire to change but without any significant steps taken towards becoming better. A very good friend of mine once pointed out to me that one seizes to progress when they begin to believe that they are right about everything and have the best of opinions. That is absolutely true because one thing that is constant about our lives is “change”. And if we refuse change and accept the fact that we constantly need to keep learning and adapting to the knowledge we gain all through our lives.  If we do not keep learning and keep progressing we invariably get clouded with stagnant opinions, old bad habits, repeating out mistakes, addressing the same drudgery and never making any serious gains in our life. In other words we live a reactive life and fall victims to what life throws at us.

 

But there are those who change the world, do great things within their own little worlds or do great things that leaves a major impact on several others.  These are individuals who think beyond being who they are. They are constructively dissatisfied with themselves. They want to do better, change for the better themselves, they want better things in life, better family conditions, better jobs, better earning potentials, and progress. They fight the status quo, they feel the need to go beyond who they are and live to their fullest potential. These are not people who play the blame game. They take responsibility of their own lives and set out to do something with it. For many of them life is not about work, family, rest time, TV time, Beer time, and socializing time. They make time to do things differently. They take the time out of their lives to think, put the hard work required to change, self improve, learn, and progress. Some of them dream bigger, work harder, think smarter, make sacrifices, and move ahead from changing one aspect of their life at a time to another all through tier life.

 

Life isn’t fair or easy. No one ever has claimed to be so. From the richest to the poorest have their problems and moments of happiness. They each face their set of challenges and shattered dreams.  Many feel trapped with unhappy relationships, stagnant careers, hard working conditions, bills and day to day living. But there are those who do things to fix the unhappy relationships with open and constructive discussions, change careers or take on a diploma or other courses to get better jobs, look for easier jobs, manage their finances better, and progress. They do not accept their conditions. They take life by its horns and make the necessary changes. These are the people who make progress and life happier and accomplished lives.

 

The key to such progress towards a better life begins with constructive dissatisfaction. And this begins with self. Some honest introspection about our choices, character, progress, life and potential often leads to a certain level of realization for self improvement. We often see and judge ourselves by what our potential is, but others see and judge us for what our actions and accomplishments are.  Often there is a huge disparity between the two. If we truly are progressive people who love to live a successful and happier life, we need to bring these two sides of our lives closer. We need to bring our potential and dreams to meet with our actions and behaviours. There is always room for improvement, there is always a better way to do things. The need is to do it. We need to take the trouble to make things better from the inside out. Just dreams, desires, wishes and will always get us the same challenges, excuses, and same conditions of living.  We need to get off the couch and stop finding reasons and excuses for our troubles and dissatisfactions.

 

We need to be constantly constructively dissatisfied if we truly desire to change our lives and become better individuals and live a happier and accomplished life. Ask yourself what are you dissatisfied about today and get up and take action towards changing it today. There is no magical Monday to begin a change. There is no “let me start that diet on Monday”. There is no Monday to begin a positive change. Great ideas and inspiration comes at the darkest times and way past mid night. And the action begins that morning or that very moment. There aren’t any magical prayers or miracles that will help change your situation either. If there was one, everyone would be aware of it and will all be having a great life. There is just one thing that will change your situation: the old fashioned and worn out wisdom of simple “hard work”. So stop being who you are and set out to become who you can be!


Doing extraordinary things in life is an ordinary persons job


Despicable Yet Wonderful You

What is ordinary for some is extraordinary for others. The several daily unsung heroes walk along us battling the same mundane life. But every once in a while they come across an extraordinary situation and opportunity to do something extraordinary, and they jump both feet in while others dont. Thus they break away from the ordinary people and do somethign extraordinary. They are no different from you, but they chose to take the plunge first. They too have very simialr contrains and things to worry about in life, but they set it aside and defy the norm. If you conform to the world and its ways as you have been asked or told to, you will always live just as everyone else and be no different. The limitations, the constrains, the complexities, the hurdles, disappointments, and the balanced amount of happiness will all be limited only by the constrains of your willingness, thoughts and a set of…

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Your happiness is tangled in your choices


Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.  Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.  ~Denis Waitley

A strange fact that amuses me is that people from advanced, developed and progressive countries travel to what are called third world countries, or under developed countries in search of Happiness, Peace and the meaning of life. Where as, people from such countries migrate to the advanced and developed countries in search of progress, wealth, career, freedom and security. Either way, neither of them seem to be happy where they are.  People with the most advanced of technology, freedom and many things that make life easier are not happy and those who do not have any of these are unhappy too. Strange isn’t it?

I have often asked myself and several of my friends what they would do once they have accomplished and fulfilled all their desires in life. Like, if you have got your ideal house, live in your ideal city or location, have an ideal family, and financially are very well and secure, what would you want to do next?  And I began writing their answers in several small notes and pieces of paper and kept them. What I found from all of their answers was almost very profound and extremely interesting.  Almost all of them said they would want to do these things:

Be charitable and help the needy.

Adopt or sponsor an orphan.

Help the poor and not so well off people in their family.

Take up an artistic hobby. That is writing a book, paint, write poetry etc.

Pay more attention to their faith and become better people.

Be more forgiving and go seek those they have hurt in the past and seek their forgiveness.

Make peace with those they have been upset with and help bring those they know who are angry with each other together.

These were the things almost all of them said they wished to do once all their life desires were fulfilled. And when asked why, all of them said mostly because they always wanted to do these things but are too busy fulfilling their dreams and desires. And they also said that if they do these things listed above, they will bring more meaning to their lives and feel they have accomplished something and make themselves worthwhile and meaningful. By doing these, it will bring them lot of happiness and peace.

What makes me wonder is why do we wait to fulfill all our desires and wishes before we do such things? Why can’t we do almost all of these things now, today and make our lives more meaningful and become lot happier right now? Why can’t we do these and bring ourselves this happiness and peace today?

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.  ~Mark Twain

What comes in between happiness and ourselves is our own choices and actions. The circumstances around us has always been changing and will continue to do so until we perish. And in this life we will set several goals for ourselves to achieve. Some we may accomplish and some we may not. But the true happiness is not experienced when we achieve the goal or after achieving it. True happiness lies in the journey. The process where we spend most of our respective lives.

It takes, once again, a simple process of self-awareness and understanding of our needs, wants, and our desires in life to truly realize true happiness. Often we will find many little things that we can derive happiness from. And many a times we may realize that we already have them but we never took the time to realize it.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  ~Frederick Keonig

Once a person I knew told me a little story about happiness which I found very profound. It was about a little boy who was at a fair holding his Dads’ hand and having a good time. Suddenly, his Dad left his hand and stopped to talk to a friend he found in the crowd. The boy walked a few steps further and realized that his Dad was not around him and he began to cry. And the people who were passing by wondered why a little boy amidst a fair with all the wonders and amusements a child would enjoy was unhappy and crying. They could see this boys’ Dad beside him, but the little boy couldn’t due to the crowd around him and hence continued to cry.  Thus, what we assume gives us happiness may not be true. The materialistic things, momentary happiness, instant gratification by purchasing fancy gadgets or clothes is not what truly makes us happy. Like the little boys’ experience, true comfort and happiness lies in our secure relationships, love, dependability on someone, emotional support, financial security, and in the company of those we can share our happiness. Similarly we can be much happier in sharing our happiness, doing good, making ourselves a better person and helping others be happy. True happiness, and peace lies within us. We need to search within and realize the many gifts we take for granted and do not value. Happiness is around us and in our choices, attitude and actions.

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.  ~Bertrand Russell

What are the things we can do to become much happier in our lives? :

  1. Learn to leave the past where it is supposed to be and move ahead in life.
  2. Do well in your job and work smart to succeed always.
  3. Smile always.
  4. Do not be overly critical of others and the mistakes they do in their lives. Let them be. You work on being better first.
  5. Show the people dear to you that you care.
  6. If you get a chance, go out with a kid and play.
  7. Forgive others and do not hold on to any prejudice.
  8. Count your blessings.
  9. Be charitable. Help the needy and poor regardless of their cast, color, faith or country.
  10. Do something creative.
  11. Move to and live close by to your friends and family.
  12. Share a joke with someone.
  13. Be self-reflective and make changes for the better in yourself.

14. Let go of your stubborn ego for someones happiness.

15. Dont waste your life being bitter and angrgy with the world around you. Instead, do something positive about it, change it, and inspire others to follow.

16. Realize that what you thing of any particualr issue is strictly your opinion based on very limited knowledge of the situation. Only the ones in the heart of the issue know the true truth and facts and thier actions are based on thier personal first hand expereince within the matter. Often things do not seem what they truly are. So dont be judgemental and wate your time and intellect rediculing and passing vile judgements.

18. Impress yourself first. Do somthing different and positive.

19. Everyone needs to learn thier lessons by falling first before they learn to walk and run just like you did. Do not appoint yourself as a teacher or a saviour. Instead be there as a help for them when they fall and give them the comfort of your unconditional love and support.

 


The voice within – the wisdom for peace and happiness


I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death. Leonardo da Vinci

The strange thing about us human beings is that we often spend a lot of time and energy searching for ideas, and answers which often are found within ourselves. One of the most important answer we often seem to seek is: if we are doing the right thing? Or is what we are doing good for us? And as many accomplished and successful people have pointed out based on their own experiences: “listen to your inner voice or gut feeling”. Somehow this inner voice seems to know all the right answers and helps guide you often to the right things in life. And when we do something wrong it begins to eat us up from inside with guilt. But this inner voice is only heard if one pays attention and takes the effort to query or listen to it. And it only works if you take the necessary positive actions to do the right thing. This magical phenomenon that all of us have been gifted with is almost like a divine compass called Conscience. Like all the greatest gifts that we have Conscience is also another intangible and immeasurable possession like love, feelings, thinking etc. It speaks to us when we seek its wisdom. It guides us, invokes positive behaviours, aligns us with our morals, and hurts us when we deviate from that which is not good for us.

Conscience is often found as a feeling of remorse when a human being commits actions that go against his or her moral values and beliefs. Conscience is like an aptitude, intuition or judgment of our thoughts and behaviours that distinguishes right from wrong. And us humans are asked to invoke this conscience universally through all religious belief systems and by means of any basic intellectual norms.

Conscience may be defined as the practical reason employed when applying moral convictions to a situation The many philosophers, or saints often ask to invoke our conscience to develop it, as they themselves do through daily contemplation or meditation combined with selfless service to others. Such developed state of conscience helps create a strong sense of intuitive insight or revelation to many. This helps a person to use their intellect towards positive and humane causes, pursue further knowledge, be self critical with the focus of self improvement and on a general level apply fair justice in his or her life.

The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience. Mohandas Gandhi

Yet we, the most developed and gifted species choose to live by killing our own conscience. Our pride, ego, anger and prejudice help us do things against our very own conscience until it is too late. The sad fact is that while one does things that go against their own moral values or beliefs, the conscience keep telling them that it is wrong. Once we do things against our conscience and fail, our conscience begins to hurt us with the feeling of severe guilt. But instead of taking the necessary positive steps to undo the damage many still continue to stifle this inner voice with rage and anger or drown it in intoxication. We the intelligent, civilized and knowledgeable species choose such.

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. Thomas Jefferson

It is plain common sense that many of our personal and worlds’ ills are result of actions in rage and blind fury. The things we say to hurt others, the things we do to hurt others and ourselves, the greed we posses, the prejudice we hold, the disrespect we show are some of the things we do often against our conscience. The violent killings, the communal riots, steeling, damaging things, wars, or theft are all things that people do against their basic human moral values and beliefs. The greatest crimes against humanity are often over the deliberate killing of our own conscience. The person who commits the atrocity and the person who witnesses it and chooses to close their door on the facts and reality are both guilty of killing their own conscience.

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it. Albert Einstein

But this gift of conscience is a wonderful thing. It is the conscience that makes the individual set out to accomplish great feats and do the impossible, it makes people charitable, invokes the wealthy to become philanthropists, invokes love, compassion, and righteousness. It makes us become better people, do greater things in life, and helps us succeed. Hence it is almost imperative that we take time to listen to our conscience, develop it, and synchronize our lives with it to achieve inner peace, balance and happiness.

All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses. Friedrich Nietzsche

Development of Conscience:

Most people live with a self conceived idea and parameters of morality. It may be okay to lie a little but not to deceive or they may be comfortable to speak just to the advantages of doing something but choose to hide the negatives. But in general terms there is limit to who they choose to do and what they do not based on their moral values and comfort. These limits they choose change though time based on their individual experiences, social pressures and norms, or communal rituals and belief systems. But the conscience within eventually brings about a sense of balance as an individual evolves. But until such time the turmoil one can endure often affects their success and happiness in life.

When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society. Pope John Paul II

So, how can one develop sound and balanced approach towards nurturing their conscience and morality to live a happy, content, and successful and guilt free life?

There are several theories based on studies of set groups. But it takes some honest self criticism and the will to self develop to come up with some key objectives:

1) One needs to see the need to self develop and the need to adhere to balanced and just moral values and conduct. This in turn helps develop their inner conscience on sound principles which will allow them to do what is right and make them feel bad when they go against it.

2) Fair judgement on balanced opinions and values. This can be practiced by not immediately reacting to any given situation. Exercising calm and some thinking can always help take a positive approach towards issues at hand. This becomes crucial to control haste and anger where patience and understanding would be more valuable.

3) Respect and Equality for one and all. This would avoid people holding prejudice and tame ones ego. People who do not practice this often continue to live a life of arrogance, and self indulgence at the cost of other people’s happiness, self respect and peace. But they also live a life of continuous fight against their inner guilt and general level of discontent about everything in life.

Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune. Carl Jung

Life is too short to waste time over petty behaviours and toiling in guilt. Many of our ills and unhappiness are out of our own choices and actions in life which are often against out very one divine gift called conscience. By awakening and living in tune with our own conscience we can build better lives for ourselves, make more progress, co exist happily with one and other, live happier and become successful based on moral and clear thinking without the fear of guilt.

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience. George Washington


Whats your Nuisance Value?


 

Definition of Nuisance Value from merriam-websters dictionary: value, importance, or usefulness arising from a capacity to annoy, frustrate, harass, or injure

 

Have you ever been tolerant towards someone you care or love? Regardless of the annoyance they create in your life, the hurt, pain, and agony, you tend to accept and patiently work towards changing them by inspiring them, advising them, or occasionally expressing your opinions in an effort to change them for the better? Many of us have such individuals in our lives. Children, parents, siblings, bosses, or friends. The amount of nonsense we choose to tolerate from such individuals in their “nuisance value”.  Now the reasons can be several on why one chooses to accept such behaviours from such individuals. For some it may be just simple unconditional love (often extended to children), for some it is maturity and understanding of the other person’s shortcomings, for some it is respect for the other individual, for some it may be fear, and for some it can be more complex in nature. But in all such reasons one allows and accepts such nuisance for the other individual at their own will and wish. This is the Nuisance value they allocate to that individual and accept it from them accordingly based on their personal reasons.

 

A person may accept a snide remark from a friend, but will not accept the same from a sibling. Or one may choose to give in to an unreasonable request from their spouse but will never do the same for their parent.  This is a personal choice for personal reasons between these individuals based on what their relationship and what they get in return from them. One may be more patient towards their spouse based on all the other good characteristics and things the spouse does for him or her.  Usually the amount of tolerance one extends to an individual is directly proportionate to what they have get in return from them. You may chose to be lot more patient towards your parents for all the things they have done for you in their lives.

 

Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

 

But it is necessary for every individual to spend a little time to think about their own Nuisance Value. Why do you think the other person should tolerate your nuisance? Have you earned the love, respect or tolerance of the other person to be able to exert your nuisance on them? Although it is appalling to think that we can be arrogant enough to behave in this manner, we often end up becoming a nuisance in someone life at times. And when we do, we are absolutely reckless in our behaviour and thoughts and care very little towards the other persons level of tolerance or willingness to accept out such behaviour. Needles to say, we are often arrogant to even bother about the repercussions or the response from their other person.  We can storm into our bosses office at scream out our displeasure and anger, we can disrespect and abuse our spouse, be insensitive towards the needs of our children or parents, care less of the emotional damage we can cause to our friends and siblings by our arrogance and insensitivity. Yet we have the audacity to expect others to be considerate, patient, understanding and sympathetic towards the nuisance we cause in their lives. Regardless of what our reasons are to behave in this manner, or the right we feel we have over others to exert such behaviours upon them, the question remains, if they too extend the same amount of Nuisance Value to you.

 

The liberty of the individual must be thus far limited; he must not make himself a nuisance to other people.
John Stuart Mill

W e are often senseless and extremely insensitive. We do several things in our day to day lives without very little thinking on its effect on others. We say things that hurt others, insult others, annoy others, and at times alienate others in our selfish and egoistic attitudes. But we quickly chose to forget it and move on, yet we will always remember and retaliate in anger when others do the same to us.

 

Is this our arrogance, denial of our faults, ignorance, ego, selfishness, or just plain false sense of entitlement? Every relationship in our lives is an equal relationship. It’s an equal batter system on an emotional level. We give respect and get respect, we need to love to be loved, we have to learn to forgive others as we expect others to forgive our mistakes, and we need to accept others with all their good and faults as they accept our nuisance value! A little bit of self criticism and introspection is always needed to live a balanced and happier life.

 

What is tolerance? — it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly — that is the first law of nature.  ~ Voltaire

 

But I have also learned an important lesson in my experiences. That is not to interfere in the nuisance value one chooses to provide for another. We are too quick to appoint ourselves as the mouth piece or defender for others, especially our loved ones. We see someone behaving inappropriately towards our friend or loved one and immediately take the liberty to fight the battle for them.  In doing so, we totally forget that our loved ones are fully capable to defend themselves and voice their opinion as well. But they may not choose to react in such cases based on the “nuisance Value” they have placed for this individual. They may chose to accept such inappropriate behaviour from this person based on their history of relationship and their personal choice on how and when to retaliate. Unless they seek for your help or are truly defenceless, you have absolutely no right or need to step in and fight another person’s battle. What they chose to tolerate and how they chose to retaliate in their personal preference, not yours. Your parents may choose to be more tolerant towards your sibling, your colleague may choose to be more accepting of your bosses attitude, your friend may be more tolerant towards another’s insult. And each one of them may have their personal reasons of barter, love, patience, or forgiveness. They know it best and they justify it in their minds and hearts based on their individual one on one relationship with the other.

 

It is rather important to ponder upon what is YOUR “Nuisance Value”!

 


Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others


 

Pursuit of Happiness

 

Happiness! To each one of us, it is derived from something different. But it also the source of our happiness changes with time and as we move on to different stages in our lives. These kids of happiness are just momentary happiness and will pass away as they come by in our lives. Then there are those perceived sources of happiness that we develop in our lives. These are those that perhaps looses it value soon after one has attained it. Often such sources could be a car, a house, or even money. People often mistakenly set these sources as their goals in lives. But they soon realize once they have achieved these perceived sources of happiness that they do not last and these are just another momentary happiness.

 

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. ~James Openheim

 

Many of us live a life in a never ending pursuit of true happiness without realizing what it truly is. For example; If money brings true happiness are all the rich people truly happy? Apparently not, they too go through several marriages, heart breaks, health issues, guilt, regrets, and surprisingly they suffer from loneliness.

 

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young

 

There are several studies conducted by leading Universities and Interest Groups to identify what this true happiness is and how it affects people and their lives. In our time and age we see the list of billionaires growing rapidly every year around the world. While you see the dot come billionaires choosing to live a relative modest lives (in comparison to their billions) and continue to work harder and stay ahead in their game, you will find the several common folk who have achieved relative successes in their respective lives still continue to restlessly set newer and higher goals to attain in order to live a life where they feel content and happy.

Of the several sources one seeks happiness from; studies have identified these few key definitive things in life that truly makes people happy.

 

Probably no greater honor can come to any man than the respect of his colleagues.  ~ Cary Grant

Respect and admiration: This source of happiness is one of the major ones that truly makes people happy.  Hence you see successful and rich people like Silicon Valley Billionaires, Actors, Scientists, Authors, Politicians continuously strive to reinvent themselves and stay atop of their chosen field of expertise. The true happiness is derived from the respect and adulations they garner from their peers, work groups, family and friends alike. One needs to strive to become and remain an inspiration for others by their behavior, character, work, actions and deeds always. These key aspects will help one realize their effects on people and often induce the need to become better and enjoy the happiness they derive from the love and admiration they get.

 

Security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.  ~ Stephen R. Covey

 

Socioeconomic Security: This is primarily achieved by being financially stable and developing secure relationships. Several successful people often fall apart and spiral downwards because they do not manage their finances well and/or develop strong and secure group of close friends or relatives who will be there for them in times of need. Although money is one of the major sources for stability and economic security, it is not necessary for one to be a millionaire to achieve this. As long as one manages a lifestyle where all relative needs and wants are being fulfilled from time to time, and investing in a relatively comfortable saving or securely growing prospect they derive a sense of comfort and security which gives them happiness and peace. But once this is achieved a social security takes precedence in their lives. Social security is important for ones emotional well being and happiness. Thus it is important for any individual to develop a small group of friends or relatives or both, and garner a relationship that is dependable and beyond material or formal constrains. These are relationships that will remain the same and you can count on in times of need or help.

 

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~George Bernard Shaw

 

Purposeful Living: A key to living a life of happiness is achievement. This is when you spent time and your effort to achieve something that you had set for and saw purpose in. What is this purpose? For those who search for the meaning of life, the realization eventually comes as a shock that they themselves will have to develop the meaning. It is in the individuals own ability and choice to develop a purpose in life and give it meaning in terms of it eventual objective. Thus is become imperative to develop sensible and meaningful purposes in one’s life. A purpose that is meaningful to self, that is valuable to others, that eventually generates a positive outcome that if beneficial to self and others. It is also important to choose a purpose that is morally right and respectable which will make your efforts worthy and will coincide with the first point discussed above – Respect and admiration.

 

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

 

Clear conscience: A clear conscience and mind that is free of any major guilt empowers the mind with a sense of self esteem and confidence which is another major source of true happiness. A mind cluttered with guilt, mischief, lies and deceit remains in a constant state of stress and confusion. It is inevitable for one to live a life free of guilt, but it is certainly possible to undo a lot of things we regret in life. We can forgive, apologize, avoid repeating our mistakes, be generous if giving, be charitable, and make serious efforts to constantly be self critical in an effort to self improve and become better. In one study when several people who are believed to be successful were asked what they hoped and wished for after they had achieved all their goals and success in life; the majority of them said they wanted to be forgiving and more charitable in their lives. Holding long time grudges and hurtful feelings towards others is one of the most common habits of many people. This only develops a constant level of discomfort, a sense of guilt and regret in our lives. Many try to overcome this feeling by denial, or refusal to do anything about it due to their ego or pride. But few take the step to make that call and apologize or forgive someone and move ahead in life. Often we pamper our egos and pride at the cost of our own happiness and clear conscience.

Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama: “What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.”

 

Achieving true and lasting happiness lies in your own hands, actions, and choices in life. It is how you set out to achieve it and differentiate it between the momentary happiness and lasting ones. And once this true happiness is achieved, you will find yourself to be at peace, and tranquility and armed with the confidence and desire to live a greater life that is destined to achieve greater things in life.

Buddha: “Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.

 


If you dont like it, then change your life around and make it fantastic!!!!!


“The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channeled toward some great good.” – Brian Tracy

CHANGE YOUR LIFE AROUND!

12 simple ways to Get up, Get Inspired, change your life around and do great things in life!

  1. Become a Super Hero – Realize your potential and do great things like a super hero does.
  2. Take responsibility of your life and your choices – Stop blaming others and circumstances. Take charge and action to change your life around.
  3. Be courageous and fight against all odds to success – You are not the only one who needs to fight against the odds to succeed. Join the other great achievers and learn to stand tall and become courageous enough to win your battles.
  4. Do not be cynical and negative – Turn your negativity and bitterness to positive energy and a fresh look towards the possibilities.
  5. Get up and solve your problems, do not dwell in it – Learn to see every problem you face as an  opportunity to develop a solution.
  6. Awaken your conscience and realize true happiness – Be   with your inner-self. Listen to your heart and draw the strength and wisdom from within.
  7. Become a greater person – Do things that makes you stand out and become a greater human being. Do things that makes you special and enables you to make positive changes to your world.
  8. Count your blessings and be grateful – Learn to realize the amazing gifts you have got in life as opposed to dwelling in your hurdles. You will only be amazed to see the countless gifts and support systems you are blessed with in life.
  9. Earn your respect – Live a respectable life. Earn your respect from your peers and people by learning to act in a manner worthy of it.
  10. Get healthy and look good – Take a good look at your health and get healthy. Use your sensibilities and common facts to lead a healthier life that enables you to enjoy your accomplishments.
  11. Earn more, enjoy it and be wise with your money – Take charge of protecting and investing your finances as opposed to falling victim to economic patterns and bad advices.
  12. Listen to life and learn the lessons it teaches us – Learn from your surroundings and the countless lessons that life offers you in abundant examples.

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe. – Anatole France


Happiness is not gift wrapped


Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.  Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.  ~Denis Waitley

A strange fact that amuses me is that people from advanced, developed and progressive countries travel to what are called third world countries, or under developed countries in search of Happiness, Peace and the meaning of life. Where as, people from such countries migrate to the advanced and developed countries in search of progress, wealth, career, freedom and security. Either way, neither of them seem to be happy where they are.  People with the most advanced of technology, freedom and many things that make life easier are not happy and those who do not have any of these are unhappy too. Strange isn’t it?

I have often asked myself and several of my friends what they would do once they have accomplished and fulfilled all their desires in life. Like, if you have got your ideal house, live in your ideal city or location, have an ideal family, and financially are very well and secure, what would you want to do next?  And I began writing their answers in several small notes and pieces of paper and kept them. What I found from all of their answers was almost very profound and extremely interesting.  Almost all of them said they would want to do these things:

Be charitable and help the needy.

Adopt or sponsor an orphan.

Help the poor and not so well off people in their family.

Take up an artistic hobby. That is writing a book, paint, write poetry etc.

Pay more attention to their faith and become better people.

Be more forgiving and go seek those they have hurt in the past and seek their forgiveness.

Make peace with those they have been upset with and help bring those they know who are angry with each other together.

These were the things almost all of them said they wished to do once all their life desires were fulfilled. And when asked why, all of them said mostly because they always wanted to do these things but are too busy fulfilling their dreams and desires. And they also said that if they do these things listed above, they will bring more meaning to their lives and feel they have accomplished something and make themselves worthwhile and meaningful. By doing these, it will bring them lot of happiness and peace.

What makes me wonder is why do we wait to fulfill all our desires and wishes before we do such things? Why can’t we do almost all of these things now, today and make our lives more meaningful and become lot happier right now? Why can’t we do these and bring ourselves this happiness and peace today?

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.  ~Mark Twain

What comes in between happiness and ourselves is our own choices and actions. The circumstances around us has always been changing and will continue to do so until we perish. And in this life we will set several goals for ourselves to achieve. Some we may accomplish and some we may not. But the true happiness is not experienced when we achieve the goal or after achieving it. True happiness lies in the journey. The process where we spend most of our respective lives.

It takes, once again, a simple process of self-awareness and understanding of our needs, wants, and our desires in life to truly realize true happiness. Often we will find many little things that we can derive happiness from. And many a times we may realize that we already have them but we never took the time to realize it.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  ~Frederick Keonig

Once a person I knew told me a little story about happiness which I found very profound. It was about a little boy who was at a fair holding his Dads’ hand and having a good time. Suddenly, his Dad left his hand and stopped to talk to a friend he found in the crowd. The boy walked a few steps further and realized that his Dad was not around him and he began to cry. And the people who were passing by wondered why a little boy amidst a fair with all the wonders and amusements a child would enjoy was not unhappy and crying. They could see this boys’ Dad beside him, but the little boy couldn’t due to the crowd around him and hence continued to cry.  Thus, what we assume gives us happiness may not be true. The materialistic things, momentary happiness, instant gratification by purchasing fancy gadgets or clothes is not what truly makes us happy. Like the little boys’ experience, true comfort and happiness lies in relationships more than any materialistic things that money can but. We often see the wealthiest people and several celebrities becoming extremely self-destructive when faced with loneliness. We may aspire for success, wealth, and many things in life, but they soon become meaningless if we do not have anyone to share them with. Similarly we can be the individual who brings meaning and love into other peoples’ world. We can become the source of happiness for others. True happiness, and peace lies within us. We need to search within and realize the many gifts we take for granted. Happiness is around us and in our choices, attitude, actions and  relationships. Friends, families, children, often bear more significance in our lives than we realize. But it is also important for us to realize and choose what we share with these people. Do we want to share our bitterness, hatred, frustration, anger, stress? Or rather share our happiness, success, and all good things about us that will make them happy and perhaps inspire them to be happy too?

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.  ~Bertrand Russell

What are the things we can do to become much happier in our lives? :

  1. Learn to leave the past where it is supposed to be and move ahead in life.
  2. Do well in your job and work smart to succeed.
  3. Smile always.
  4. Do not be overly critical of others and the mistakes they do in their lives. Let them be. You work on being better first.
  5. Show the people dear to you that you care.
  6. If you get a chance, go out with a kid and play.
  7. Forgive others and do not hold on to any prejudice.
  8. Count your blessings.
  9. Be charitable. Help the needy and poor regardless of their cast, color, faith or country.
  10. Do something creative.
  11. Move to and live close by to your friends and family.
  12. Share a joke with someone.
  13. Be self-reflective and make changes for the better in yourself.
  14. Let go of your stubborn ego for someones happiness.
  15. Flips through some old family pictures in an album.

I am sure that there are thousands of things we can do to be happier… what you can do is your choice. Your happiness is in your hands, it is not going to be gifted to you!

 


Being Happy


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Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.  Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.  ~Denis Waitley

 A strange fact that amuses me is that people from advanced, developed and progressive countries travel to what are called third world countries, or under developed countries in search of Happiness, Peace and the meaning of life. Where as, people from such countries migrate to the advanced and developed countries in search of progress, wealth, career, freedom and security. Either way, neither of them seem to be happy where they are.  People with the most advanced of technology, freedom and many things that make life easier are not happy and those who do not have any of these are unhappy too. Strange isn’t it?

I have often asked myself and several of my friends what they would do once they have accomplished and fulfilled all their desires in life. Like, if you have got your ideal house, live in your ideal city or location, have an ideal family, and financially are very well and secure, what would you want to do next?  And I began writing their answers in several small notes and pieces of paper and kept them. What I found from all of their answers was almost very profound and extremely interesting.  Almost all of them said they would want to do these things:

 Be charitable and help the needy.

 Adopt or sponsor an orphan.

 Help the poor and not so well off people in their family.

 Take up an artistic hobby. That is writing a book, paint, write poetry etc.

 Pay more attention to their faith and become better people.

 Be more forgiving and go seek those they have hurt in the past and seek their forgiveness.

 Make peace with those they have been upset with and help bring those they know who are angry with each other together.

These were the things almost all of them said they wished to do once all their life desires were fulfilled. And when asked why, all of them said mostly because they always wanted to do these things but are too busy fulfilling their dreams and desires. And they also said that if they do these things listed above, they will bring more meaning to their lives and feel they have accomplished something and make themselves worthwhile and meaningful. By doing these, it will bring them lot of happiness and peace.

What makes me wonder is why do we wait to fulfill all our desires and wishes before we do such things? Why can’t we do almost all of these things now, today and make our lives more meaningful and become lot happier right now? Why can’t we do these and bring ourselves this happiness and peace today?  

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.  ~Mark Twain

What comes in between happiness and ourselves is our own choices and actions. The circumstances around us has always been changing and will continue to do so until we perish. And in this life we will set several goals for ourselves to achieve. Some we may accomplish and some we may not. But the true happiness is not experienced when we achieve the goal or after achieving it. True happiness lies in the journey. The process where we spend most of our respective lives.

It takes, once again, a simple process of self-awareness and understanding of our needs, wants, and our desires in life to truly realize true happiness. Often we will find many little things that we can derive happiness from. And many a times we may realize that we already have them but we never took the time to realize it.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  ~Frederick Keonig

 Once a person I knew told me a little story about happiness which I found very profound. It was about a little boy who was at a fair holding his Dads’ hand and having a good time. Suddenly, his Dad left his hand and stopped to talk to a friend he found in the crowd. The boy walked a few steps further and realized that his Dad was not around him and he began to cry. And the people who were passing by wondered why a little boy amidst a fair with all the wonders and amusements a child would enjoy was not unhappy and crying. They could see this boys’ Dad beside him, but the little boy couldn’t due to the crowd around him and hence continued to cry.  Thus, what we assume gives us happiness may not be true. The materialistic things, momentary happiness, instant gratification by purchasing fancy gadgets or clothes is not what truly makes us happy. Like the little boys’ experience, true comfort and happiness lies in our secure relationships, love, dependability on someone, emotional support, financial security, and in the company of those we can share our happiness. Similarly we can be much happier in sharing our happiness, doing good, making ourselves a better person and helping others be happy. True happiness, and peace lies within us. We need to search within and realize the many gifts we take for granted and do not value. Happiness is around us and in our choices, attitude and actions.    

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.  ~Bertrand Russel

There are several things you may find that can help you realize true happiness. Things that makes you feel good, makes your feel special and helps you enjoy the pleasures in life. And before you realize you will soon find yourself doing things that brings more happiness to you and yoru life. This amazing feeling not only makes you become better and happier, it makes the people around you and life lot more meaningful and gratifying. Time spent becomes more meaningful and you begin to pay more attention towards makign every expereince a beautiful one.

 

Here are a few such things:

 

  1. 1.Learn to leave the past where it is supposed to be and move ahead in life.
  2. 2. Do well in your job and work smart to succeed.
  3. Smile always.
  4. Do not be overly critical of others and the mistakes they do in their lives. Let them be. You work on being better first.
  5. Show the people dear to you that you care.
  6. If you get a chance, go out with a kid and play.
  7. Forgive others and do not hold on to any prejudice.
  8. Count your blessings.
  9. Be charitable. Help the needy and poor regardless of their cast, color, faith or country.
  10. Do something creative.
  11. Move to and live close by to your friends and family.
  12. Share a joke with someone.
  13. Be self-reflective and make changes for the better in yourself.
  14. Let go of your stubborn ego for someones happiness.
  15. Flips through some old family pictures in an album.

Tomorrow comes when it’s too late: Quick criticism and delayed appreciation


 

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Today I swung by Starbucks to get my usual fix of caffeine. Although I am not a big fan of Starbucks coffee I must say that I truly enjoy the atmosphere of this particular store. With the usual separate entrance door from the outside it is within a popular books store. Conveniently and strategically placed in the corner of the book store, it sits spreading its aroma beside the Magazines and newspaper stand.

 

I grabbed my latte and walked up to Calorie stand to load it up with the brown sugar, and cream in my desperate effort to drown the strong Columbian flavour that is sold like fine wine. While I was going about building my perfect concoction, I couldn’t help notice the side display of the magazine stand. There sat the line up of the best and most popular weekly and monthly issues. Fortune, Time, Newsweek, New Yorker etc all sat there touting their story. What was amusing is the fact that all their covers had the same person: Steve Jobs! Commemorative issues and weekly issues all praising the genius and thanking him for his amazing and wondrous contributions made to our world. The New Yorker even had St. Peter standing at the Pearly gates holding an I Pad welcoming Steve Jobs. Needless to say that all praise and adulations still fall short of the contributions made by him.

I was never too keen on the British music press. They’ve called us a supermarket hype, and they used to suggest that we didn’t write our own songs. ~ Freddie Mercury
 
What truly amuses me is the fact that such greatness is only admired, revered and honoured only after such an individual passes away. If we recollect, we can list several such great contributors to our world who have often been ridiculed and criticized endlessly until their demise and from that moment on the media and press can only remember their greatness and contributions. They will thank them, honour them, list their achievements and contributions and solemnly realize the amazing gift they were when they lived. But all this only occurs after they are gone. Some of our greatest scientists, musicians, artists, actors, politicians were all victims to many harsh criticisms when they lived and soon turned into great individuals and contributors to their profession, art and the world only after their death. Galileo Galilee, Socrates, Vincent Van Gogh, Emily Dickson, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson are a very few who come to mind.

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. ~ Mother Teresa

 

The same is true within our immediate life circles as opposed to famous people or celebrities. We truly come to appreciate our siblings, friends, parents, grandparents family members only after we lose them or they leave us. And all the time while they were alive never once it occurs to us to walk up to them and appreciate them or thank them for the value and joy they bring to us in our lives. Often when we happen to lose someone who we never liked or hated at times, we find it very hard to think of the very reasons why we held such feelings for them. The only thoughts that occupy our minds are the good memories and the nice things they did for us when they were alive. Often too little and too late to be realized and appreciated.  Weather we taken them for granted, we are blinded by our arrogance and pride, or carelessly leave such thoughts for later in life, we often come to a stage when we regret not having done what we should have much earlier. The guilt, sorrow and the regret once such time arrives is too burdensome for many.  I myself am guilty of such gross negligence and arrogance. I find it very difficult to bury my guilt when I think of the idiotic reasons I held on to against my mother when she was alive and never did give her the love and affection she very much was longing for. Then a few days after she passed away, I opened her cupboard and found the favourite toys from my childhood neatly arranged on the first main shelf. I was away during her last few years alive and seldom spoke to her over the phone. Yet she kept looking at these toys every single day she opened her cupboard and perhaps cherished the memories it brought to her.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~ Albert Schweitzer

 

We live in an age and time of false sense of entitlement and the need for instant momentary gratification. We live a life of greater wants and ambition with dwindling values and appreciation for many things and people.  Seldom do we stop to realize our actions or the repercussion of our spontaneous bursts of criticism and opinions without any thought put into it. We are too quick to criticize, blame others, discard sound advices, and continue to live with our prejudice, inflated egos, momentary satisfactions, arrogance and deliberately living in denial. Yet we carry the audacity to feel insulted and aggravated when someone points our mistakes, criticizes our actions, volunteers their advices or offers to help us get better.  

 

Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people’s, if we are always criticizing trivial actions – which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through our ignorance of their motives. ~ Saint Teresa

We truly need to practice more Thank you, generosity, selflessness, appreciation of others, understand their importance, and realize their value as we would like others to extend the same to us. We can truly become much happier people by being appreciative of others, things and people in our lives and become less bitter and angry individuals by giving up on criticising others, being cynical, holding hatred, and being intolerant.

 

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. ~ Dale Carnegie

 

By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property. ~ Voltaire

 


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