Tag Archives: self respect

Your CHARACTER defines the real you

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“Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses and avoids.”

“A good character carries with it the highest power of causing a thing to be believed.” ARISTOTLE (c. 384 – c. 322 BC) Greek philosopher


We each in some form or another yearn for love, respect, compassion, acceptance or acknowledgement regardless of our denials or refusal of this fact due to our respective egos. These things have a larger impact in our lives by bringing “value” the several things we do or set to accomplish in life and in the process helps build our purpose and define our lives for us.


“A man’s character is his fate.” HERACLITUS (c. 540 – c. 480 BC) — Greek philosopher



We each end up searching and finding a mate, sometime we demand as opposed to command the respect we believe we have earned, and at times of difficulties and hardships we anticipate the comfort of compassion and frequently and often secretly desire some sort of acknowledgement or praise for the good deeds we have done or the things we have accomplished. When we do not receive these very things that we so dearly desire, we are left disappointed or hurt. Our life, the things we do, the efforts we put in and all our dreams end up feeling meaningless when we do not get the desired “ultimate outcome” .  Such is life. If victory wasn’t the desire wars would be futile and the ultimate outcome of conquering the land or resource will be meaningless.  We are ultimately simple beings often doing one things or the another to earn the very things we desire that completes us, or gives us purpose, satisfaction, meaning, direction and comfort in our lives.


“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures.” HORACE GREELEY (1811-1872) — New York newspaper editor


But these things we so desire are only earned and stays with us based on our characters. For example: we can certainly attract people towards us and invoke love in them for who we claim we are or who we pretend to be, but the love will only be gained and will remain with us if it was built and based on our sound character.  Similarly we will attract a pseudo love or temporary love that will never stand the test of time, hardships, stress, or have integrity or loyalty. Worst is that we will lose such love the moment our true character comes out.


“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically… Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education.” MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. (1929-1968) Civil Rights leader


The interesting thing about our personalities that invokes people to react to us is our character. Many of us manipulate others to gain the love, respect, compassion and acceptance by pretending to be who we are not and later left hurt and disappointed when we fail in this endeavour. There are those who pretend to be rich, pious, religious, holier than you, hard working, honest, smart, authoritative, experts, etc to gain their desired “ultimate outcome” be it respect, acceptance, love, etc. But when these are not based on truth or honestly the character shall soon reveal the truth and the true identity shall surface. Any honest or intelligent person who meets such pretentious individuals soon identify the true character.  One can do anything but the true ‘character” always prevails and defines the outcomes of what we set to achieve in our lives.


“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” HELEN KELLER (1880-1968) American blind and deaf writer/lecturer


In todays world character holds a greater bearing on our respective individual personalities, goals, values, and most importantly our choices that defines our lives.  Even those who play video games are given the option to build or choose a “character” that will define the strength, qualities, skills and level of success in winning the game. Each character brings with it a whole new and specific set of virtues, strength, character, personality that defines the outcome of the game. The exact same results are defined by our real life characters. What we attract, how we react to experiences in life, how we approach events and people, how we cope with situation, how we reach out and achieve success and how we persevere and fights against this difficult life to accomplish out “ultimate outcome” is defined by our character.


“The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back.” ABIGAIL VAN BUREN (“Dear Abby”) advice columnist


Love, respect, regard, acceptance, compassion, are all attributed to an individual’s character.  One can be rich, occupy an authoritative position, look dashingly good, appear very beautiful, or religious, the true character is what will eventually prevail and get the world to react to it. Character is what will make or break you. So, what does a desirable and respectable “character” look like and what does it consist of?



Honesty: One needs to be honest and deal fairly with people regardless of how they feel about the individual. Keep your commitments, fulfill your promises and honor your words.


Respectability: Respect yourself and others. Conduct yourself with decency and be watchful of your behavior. Learn to be considerate of other people’s feelings and beliefs. You do not have to agree with them but you need to have the wisdom that peoples beliefs can be just different but not necessarily right or wrong and they are build by years of personal experiences and events in their individual lives. Respect them.


Choices: Your life is nothing but the result of YOUR choice. Make educated choices and weigh in the different outcomes of the choices you make. It is your life and your choices is all that makes the difference. By making good choices you influence the desired outcomes in life and all the appreciation, admiration and gratification that comes along with it.


Fairness and balanced opinions: Life is not fair, nor are many people and things. But it doesn’t help you becoming like them. You can only bring about fairness by how you play life. Build and uphold fair values and ideologies in life. Be fair in your judgment and actions. Develop and hold balanced opinions. Nothing is the “only” way. There are several ways to look at one single thing in life. Be fair, be known by your fairness and balanced judgment and suddenly you will find the world around you react to you in similar manner.


Compassion: Be honest in expressing your feelings ands care for others. Lend a helping hand whenever you can. Serving humanity is the greatest and the most satisfying aspects of life. Like yourself almost every other human being at some point in their life seeks other peoples help. Be there for others when they need you, especially those who depend on you.


Gratitude: Express gratitude every time you have an opportunity. Be thankful for all the things you are blessed with in life and appreciate them. There are many who are less blessed than you and there are many who may appear to be more blessed than you. Every human being finds himself or herself in the middle. The rich are unhappy so are the poor. Each person at the end of their spectrum have their share of happiness and unhappiness. Do complaint or compare. But be appreciative and strive to get better and build on what you are blessed with.


Be self critical: In order to become better and truly grow in life, one has to learn to be self critical. Ask yourself if how you live is right? Develop moral values and high principals in life. Strive to become a better person. Improve your quality of life, thinking, speech, behavior and choices.


Inspire: Build your personality on sound values and actions of positive progress in life. Just as you have a set of individuals and experiences that have inspired you in your lives, you too will invariably have that effect on others. Learn to live life in a manner that inspires others. Your advices and wisdom fall short of your actions and deeds in life.


Moral Values: Do things that is right and that which appeals to your moral conscience. Moral behavior develops moral character. The most difficult of times in life are the most testing of your moral behavior and choices. Strive to always be connected to your moral self and chose to do what is right, even if it is the most difficult. It will help you live a life free of any burden of guilt.

Earn what you desire


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“A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile,
it can be done.”

-Vince Lombardi


Everybody has aspirations, desires and dreams. Some dream to be rich, some to become a celebrity and some to find true love. But we seldom think about what we are doing with our time, skills and energy towards attaining these things. More importantly we never think if we are worthy or currently working towards becoming worthy of what we desire for.  The simple wisdom behind this states that if and when one becomes worthy of something they will soon acquire it. This means for example: if you wish to become a successful writer, then you will have to begin to hone your skills as a writer and keep learning to become better as a writer. And once you work towards such dreams you will eventually pave your way to becoming a great writer and success will eventually meet you.

Similarly, many desire for a particular kind of a partner in life. Must be handsome, well established, earning good, decent, loyal, good looking, intelligent, caring etc. And the list may go on endlessly. The question that is vital in such situation is; are you truly worthy of such and individual? Or simply ask yourself, what such a person will seek for in a partner and if you have those qualities. If you do not, you better get working on developing such qualities.  The same applies to the opposite sex as well. If you are a pot bellied, classless and insensitive individual you may never find a decent, self respecting, well kept, gorgeous and intelligent woman who would love you.  


Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality; man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true.
Napoleon Hill


You have no one to blame for not being able to achieve what you desire for but often yourself. One needs to see and understand the need to earn their respect, dreams and wishes. And the effort put towards earning such things in life often paves the path and enables you to meet your dreams. There is no substitute for hard work and perseverance towards ones goals in life. People who adapt such relentless hard work, focus and continuous self development towards their goals in life often achieve them and enjoy the glory and success. While those who choose to just desire and never do anything towards meeting their possible success often end up taking solace in their failure or excuses for not being able to become successful.

“We learn by doing.”




All of us have our individual potentials and skills. We each have our share of battles to fight and hurdles to overcome. We are no different from the next person. But some amongst us choose to earn their success while many do not. This single choice often differentiates us between the haves and have not’s. People become successful because they choose to work towards their success. Success hasn’t come to anyone easy and never to those who just keep dreaming of it. You earn your success.


“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.”

-John Quincy Adams


If one takes this simple wisdom towards every aspect in life, one can certainly experience a much more rewarding life. You earn the love you seek, the respect you cherish, the wealth you desire, the success you dream of and the lifestyle you aim. The only question you need to keep asking yourself is: What am I doing to earn what I desire?


If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

To give and gain respect



Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue. – Sir John Herschel

If you do not possess qualities and behaviours that are respectable, you will most likely find yourself with broken relationships, extreme bitterness, negativity, loneliness, and a very low self esteem.

We all have our egos. We expect others to respect us, we speak of dignity and pride, and we like to see ourselves in that respectable light. We possess an insatiable desire for love, and importance especially from those we care about in our lives. But seldom we ask ourselves if we behave and earn the much sought after love and respect. Instead we often demand it as an absolute reciprocal gesture in return from others just because we love and respect them. And when we do not get this respect we are too quick to blame the other person as opposed to asking ourselves what we have done to lose this, much needed ego booster. We need to get into the habit of earning the respect we desire for. If we behave, speak, express our opnions and conduct ourselves in a manner that others lose respect for us, then we need to blame ourselves first and make the changes necessary as opposed to blaming others for not respecting us. 

Majority of the relationships fail because one looses the respect for the other. And they fail to realize that it is “respect” than nurtures and builds love. Love has been notoriously blind to seek for respect first. But once the love has been gained it is the lack for mutual respect that kills the love.

So, how does one gain respect? For this one first has to possess a strong sense of self respect. This is the basic fundamental process how you respect and view yourself for who you truly are. It is one’s respect for oneself, one’s own conduct, values, and character. It is the dignity for your own character. And this is built upon four simple and fundamental facts.

  1. Your values and how do you uphold them. You need to possess good values based on good moral behaviour and conduct. And one needs to strive to uphold these values and build them without prejudice, arrogance and bias. If you begin to sacrifice your values for momentary gains and things that are not important in life, you will soon find yourself losing respect for yourself and begin killing many more things that are important to you in life.
  2. Arrogance and Pride. This has often been the greatest of all evils that causes more harm than most. If you are proud and arrogant, ask yourself what have you truly achieved or “earned” for others to respect you and put up with your arrogance. Even if you have done something that you are this proud about why should it be important for the other to respect you? What does it mean to them? Especially when you act, speak and do things that loose one’s respect for you, how could you still demand them by your arrogance and pride?
  3. Fair Living. Are you a fair and upright individual? Do you stand by what is right without prejudice or bias? More so, do you respect all regardless of their religion, color, culture or race? If you are a person who ridicules others constantly over something or the other, take advantage of their ignorance, or use someone for your advantage you will soon develop a strong sense of burdensome guilt which often hits you too late to undo the damage.
  4. Lies and deception. The funny thing about telling lies is that it is often quickly identified by anyone with some basic intelligence and yet they do not call the liar on it due to civil norms or to avoid creating any unpleasantness. Yet the person who lies assumes that they are doing a good job in fooling the world. Lying about yourself where you perhaps do it to gain sympathy or respect, you soon will lose lot more than that when the truth finds it way out.  You begin to cover one lie with another and soon lose tract of your chain and fail. The most despicable act is to lie in a relationship and deceive someone in love. This does almost always end up with some severe consequences that will damage your own self respect to a great extent.

 If one doesn’t possess these simple characteristics they soon lose their respect in society and relationships which will eventually lead to loosing love, dignity and happiness.  We are all imperfect beings. Every one of us can do a lot to become better beings and build characteristics to gain respect which is perhaps the foundation for better living and happiness amongst many things. Commonly many lose their respect by indulging in one or many of these behaviours:

  • False Pride and telling lies to make yourself appear better than you truly are.
  • Fake Identity. Pretending to be someone you aren’t and desperately trying to create an identity that is usually not conducive to your own factual self, society or culture.
  • Being two faced and deceiving people with a false behaviour.
  • Disrespecting others for their caste, creed or religion.
  • Disrespecting yourself, your elders, and loved ones in front of others.
  • Holding a false sense of self entitlement where you believe you deserve things, love, importance and respect for noting your have done to earn them based by moral and righteous means.
  • Lack of appreciation to things and people. Especially when one shows little regard to those who do things for them based on love and relationships and expecting nothing much in return.
  • Lack of humility. This is typically when one can’t stop gloating over who they are and what they have done with a single aim of showing off. This is the standard greater than thou characters. A perfect show of someone with low self esteem and the desperate need to gain some identity and respect regardless of how fake it may be.
  • Jack of all! When you know everything, there is nothing another can tell you. There is no room for evolution, improvement or progress. You it all and having a simple conversation with you becomes all about what you have to educate others than what they know, or who they are.
  • Arrogance. How would you like to be treated the way you treat others? Can you truly respect yourself?
  • Perpetual self victimizing. This is the classic character where one always feels the sorry for them and believes in the self created myth about how others are treating them regardless of how they warrant these behaviours upon themselves. Often all sensible conversations tend to fail with this individual. Only if they can look beyond them and their self pity and realize what they do to others for a change.
  • Hate and bitterness. This is when you go about expressing hate and bitterness about anything and everything around you. The weather, news, politics, economy and the people in your lives. Have you ever wondered why would anyone want to be with you and your this bitter self?

All one needs to do is to avoid doing the things listed above to gain some respect. Having highlighted how one loses his or her respect and thus fails to keep their love, relationships and dignity intact, here are some basic things you can do to gain and retain respect.

  • Be self-critical always in an effort to learn, improve and make yourself a better person
  • Be positive and try to conduct yourself in a manner that enables you to be happy.
  • Be approachable and smile. Be nice to others and dress clean and decently.
  • Be honest and strive to gain a reputation as a righteous and fair person.
  • Be honorable. Honor yourself, your commitments and stand by what you say and claim. If you do not honor your word no one will honor you or respect and belive anything you say, do or claim.
  • Always be respectful of others and learn and educate yourself about them, their beliefs and ways.
  • Do not be judgemental of others. Everyone has good and bad things about them. Identify, value respect and appreciate the good in them.  The more you point out the good in an individual and appreciate them for it, the more you encourage them to do better and repeat the goodness they have in them.
  • Respect and value people and their characters not their possession and social stature.
  • Uphold good and sound morals and values. Make no excuse of them. Voice your option and stand by what is right.
  • Try to inspire others by your character and actions rather than your words and advice. Especially the ones who look up to you.

Here are some famous quotes of respect and dignity:

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. – Mark Twain


Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them. – Aristotle


The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. – Mark Twain


Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts? – Confucius


Relationships based on obligation lack dignity. – Wayne Dyer


When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.- Lao Tzu


Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. – Abraham Heschel


A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.- Billy Graham


Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue. – Sir John Herschel


Men are respectable only as they respect. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


 Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners. – Laurence Sterne

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