Tag Archives: self-help

The power of your influence over others


If the single man plant himself indomitably on his instincts, and there abide, the huge world will come round to him. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember the time when you had met someone and were left impressed by their character, words or gesture? Or the person who you always wanted to be like? Do you remember the person who last inspired you to do something better or strive for something that you believed to be greater?

 

For everyone of us that succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out. The light doesn’t always necessarily have to be in your family; for me it was teachers and school. – Oprah Winfrey

The other day I was at one of the Pizza joints in the area for lunch. The one thing that I like about this place other than the reasonable priced – reasonably good enough pizzas is the box they serve the pizzas in. Once you flip open the lid you will find an inspirational or thought provoking story on the inside of the lid. Many of these stories are of common knowledge to many. But every once in a while I find a story that truly makes me think deeply and leaves a few thoughts about certain aspects of life in my mind.

This time the article was about one person telling a little story about his best friend. He begins the story on how he met his best friend for the first time where he helped him up from the floor after he was bullied and kicked down by a bunch of kids at school on a Friday afternoon. He described how his friend was a bit nerdy looking at first for him and how they hit it off the very instant they met and began chatting for a while as they walked to their neighbourhood from school. That very evening he invited his friend over for a party and ever since they became very good friends and remained so till the day they graduated from University many years later.   

And on the day of the graduation his best friend gave a speech to the school. In his speech he thanked his school, parents and then went on to finally thank his best friend (the writer of this story) for being there for him all through these years. And then he said that he thanks his most for the very day he met him many years ago and helped him off the floor at school and later on invited him over to his house that evening. For, he went on to explain, that if he hadn’t met him that evening or invited him over to this house, he had planned to commit suicide that evening as he was feeling very depressed and lonely in life. ……. The writer closes the story abruptly here expressing his shock and disbelief on the influence he had on his best friends’ life by that one simple momentary gesture at school many years ago.

You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.  ~John Wooden

As we live, learn, get inspired by others, pick our idols, build our life goals, and get influenced by the people we meet in life, we often fail to realize the power of our own individual character and the influence it has over the people we meet daily. There are several people who watch us and learn from us without our knowledge. Our siblings, children, youngsters, people at work, or even those who we do not even meet with in person observe us and either learn from us, get inspired by our behaviours or words or may also learn from our mistakes. But we seldom realize the influence we exert on our surroundings.

The way you think, the way you behave, the way you eat, can influence your life by 30 to 50 years.
Deepak Chopra

 

A small gesture of holding the door open for the person behind you when walking into a store could influence the person behind you to do the same of the next person behind them. You working hard and becoming successful inspires your co workers to aspire for the same. You choosing to go to a university and qualify for a professional career can inspire your siblings to follow suit. You choosing to volunteer for a cause or being charitable can influence your social friends to join you. A simple little hug to your Mum or Dad can make them feel loved and make their day. A 5 minute phone call to a friend can perhaps get them to smile or forget their problems for a while.  Such are a few things you can do daily that influences the people around you much more than you may ever know.

 

Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another.
George Eliot

 

Our lives are shaped by how we react to all the things that happen to us daily. A positive thing influences us to react positively. We will rather smile back to the stranger who smiles at us. Next time, you are out and about try this simple test. While you are at a mall or just walking down the street you invariably often make eye contact with strangers. We you have established eye contact with a stranger walking towards you just smile and nod at them as though you are wishing them. 9 out of 10 times that person will smile and nod back at you. This just proves the simple phenomenon of how everyone reacts positively to every positive act of yours.  

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.
Napoleon Hill

 

Your life becomes lot more gratifying and fulfilling when you do good and gain the appreciation of others. You build your confidence, character, and personality traits by such recognition and appreciation. Hence you go on to do more such good deeds and create positive experiences for yourselves and others in life. And one find day you will find yourself happier having lived a life of such wonderful experiences and a collection of positive influences you have had on your family, friends and many others rather than regrets and cringe worthy acts of yours.

There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.  Booker T. Washington

Be aware of your influence on others. While you observe others and get influenced by experiences and people in your life, there are many others who are watching you and getting influenced by you. Be the inspiration for someone in their lives. Fill your daily life with kid gestures and good deeds and by such simple kid acts you lead and influence all those around you to do the same or even better.

 

Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.

 Albert Einstein


Advice is Cheap – Choose your advisers


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If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counselling; if you can use either one, it’s a miracle.
Jack Adams

Advice is cheap. It doesn’t cost anything but time and emotions for the person who gives advice. Which incidentally many have ample to dish away. Everyone can give advises too. I can give you advice about things which I have absolutely no idea about. Your friends can give you advice on love or relationships that they have personally never been in either of these situations.  An employee of any financial institution can advice you on global economies regardless of their institution being on the verge of a bail out themselves. Advice is cheap. Be good, be positive, be courageous so on and so forth. There are those who may advice you who themselves do not practice what they preach.  I have often learned a lot from such advisers more and followed their advises often. And as time passed by I realized that it is easier to give advice but there are several other factors that can stop you from practicing the same. Which also helped me realize the value of these advises about the right things to do in life and how difficult it is to walk the righteous path and hold on to your values.

 In giving advice seek to help, not to please, your friend.
Solon

Why do people give advice? It may not cost them anything monetarily. But the concern, love, concern and care they experience for you often holds lot more value to them than it does to you. Many advice because simply they care. These types of advisers are usually your family, friends or those who know you personally. Then there are those who offer their unsolicited advises whether they are concerned or not. They perhaps take more pride in their position where they can tell something of value and get some acknowledgement in return. And when you seek advice from some they either give you their opinion or advises based on their individual beliefs, experiences and feelings towards the subject. These advises can be biased or unbiased depending on their objective that moment.  Even subject matter experts are often wrong. Many advises from subject matter experts often change depending on the research programs and findings. One day wine will be very good for your heart the other day it wont. Likewise, you will be told to have 3 -4  cups of coffee by a Doctor on TV one week, and two later you will be asked to cut down to one. Meanwhile, you have only battered your heart for no good reason as a result of your actions based on such advises. 

 When you seek advice, do not withhold any facts from the person whose advice you seek.
Abu Bakr

 So how do you go about getting the right advice and seeking help when you need one? The fact is that the responsibility is upon you on who and what kind of advice you seek. If you want someone who simply needs to agree with you and your decisions you may seek anyone from your social circle who shares your similar ideas or values. They will often agree with your decisions and pamper your ego and actions regardless of whether they you are right or wrong.  But if you truly need a formidable person who can guide you with an unbiased opinion, then it has to be someone who knows you well and cares enough about you to tell you the facts and give the best advice they possibly can based on their individual knowledge and experience.  These are people who are from your immediate family and friends circle who know you over a period of time.

 

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.
Anne Frank

 When you ahead out to seek some professional advice or guidance on a particular subject matter it is imperative that you place your trust and seek advice from those who truly are just, unbiased and are known to have provided good fact based advice to others. For example, seeking advice on a relationship from someone who themselves have had a failed relationships wouldn’t be wise. Similarly, seeking advice from a home owner on the right price for a home that you hope to purchase might not be the only advice you will need on that subject. If you truly seek to acquire a balanced and sound guidance on a subject you will have to go seek for it with some honest introspection, hard work and multiple sources before you are able to form an educated and well-balanced opinion. Such effort based, balanced and educated opinions often result in sound decisions and successful outcomes in life. I had mentioned honest introspection earlier because it is equally imperative and supremely important to remove your pride, prejudice, ego and preconceived notions about the subject from your mind on that particular subject in order to enable yourself to be open to what you learn from seeking such advises.

 

I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine. 

~Josh Billings

 Next time you find the need to seek advice or a valued opinion, take the time and put some thinking on choosing who you seek advice from. Value the advises that you receive from those who are concerned about you and love you. Be open to advises and learn that even people who may not have followed what they preach may teach you a valuable thing or two. Learning from other people’s mistakes saves from making your own. Be open to advises, do your research, explore your sources and options and learn well before you form your important decisions in life. Advice is cheap. But if it costs anyone it costs the person who bases his or her decision on that advice.  Your choice on the advice you follow and the sources and people who you seek advice from often has a great impact on major decisions in your life.  Advises can be from others, but the final decision and the outcome of following those advises are yours.

 Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.  ~Cicero


Set your tail on fire


“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” Epictetus

It is the most ordinary of people who often do the most extraordinary of things. Then why can’t you achieve your success, make your dreams come true and do great things in life? Ignite your wisdom, potential and courage to do fantastic things and stand out. Get up, get inspired, carve your success and do great things that you never realized you can. Learn to stop blaming others, yourself, and circumstances and take charge of your destiny and change your world forever.

Filled with the wisdom, experiences, quotes, and inspirational ideas, this book written in 12 short chapters, is about how you can take charge of your life, realize your potential, and make the changes that are necessary to succeed in anything that you desire for. How to see problems as unsolved solutions, become a super hero, do greater things in life, and fight against the odds are some of the things this book inspires the reader to do in the process to live a more gratifying and happier life.

So, don’t just sit there. Enough of procrastination, seeking solace in sorrow and being a victim of circumstances. Now “Set your tail on fire” and run towards a successful life where nothing is unachievable!

Gift yourself this highly inspirational and thought provoking book or gift it to someone you think who needs it. ebook at $2.99 only on Amazon.com

 “A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement.” Bo Bennett

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http://www.amazon.com/Set-Your-Tail-Fire-ebook/dp/B006EXL9S4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1322534925&sr=8-2


Lessons Life Teaches Us


 

The feeling of true success is a feeling of pride of your character and deeds when you are alone. It is not your material possession or praise showered upon you by others. It should be rather measured by the love, respect and care you have invoked in others for your character than your wealth. It is a feeling that invokes humility in you rather than arrogance.

We often loose what we need if there is clutter. Such is our life. If we clutter our life with to many things that we do not need, we will loose the ones we do and often when we need it most. It is the difference one experiences in entering a house filled with artifacts, ornaments, and lavish décor, from walking into a large empty clean space with natural light. Live a life of simplicity and freedom. The experience is more gratifying.

Remember that every person you meet in life is like a book. The cover is always designed to be pretty and attractive to impress. Even our cover is such. The material of any person in life is only realized over time and several pages later. Give time for every relationship to grow. Picking up any book cover that catches your fancy could leave you with a burden of a lot of bad material and time analyzing them. Reading one book at a time will give you the wisdom over time to know what to look for in a book sooner.

 The bitterness of honesty is better than the sweetness of a lie. To deliver honesty is lot more easier, as it is a word that is given away like a gift to our world and which makes us feel lightened in heart and mind. But a lie spoken is a burden pushed into our world that shall always return to its source for validation by guilt.

Material and money is not a source of happiness for your living but a mere illusion of it. And getting into debt to satisfy a momentary desire for this illusion takes a heavy toll on mind, body and life over an extended period of time. Rather seek true happiness that lies in relationships, love, generosity, forgiveness, character, laughter, and several small experiences in life.

Love everyone one you can. At times, try to love your enemy too. Because once you loose the people who are part of your life, you will miss them lot more than you can imagine. This is true because we are made up of all the experiences we have had in our life, and every single person who we have interacted with have shaped us in one way or another. Cherish their momentary purpose in your life and let them be. Loosing someone from your life will always leave a wound that can never be healed.

It is absolutely vital for us to learn to say “No” in life. By taking on more than our capacity to satisfy one person, will always result in hurting another or your self. Everyone and everybody has limits in life. Let no one exceed theirs and overflow onto you nor you do the same unto others. It is wiser to say “No” and be happy than say “Yes” and get stressed.

Life constantly keeps throwing experiences at you. Like a number of balls being thrown at you. There are fast ones, slow ones, curved ones, spinning ones. It is your choice what you want to do with them. You can dodge them, catch them, kick them, hit them out of the park, block them, or hit them back in any direction you choose. The outcome of the game of life is how and where you hit these balls. It is in your reaction. Think before you react because it is nothing but your reaction that truly shapes your life.

We do many things in life against our own sensibilities and other people’s advice. And we choose to do them because we hold on to our will and determination to do so. When we can do such mistakes stubbornly why can’t we do the right things in the same way? We must learn to apply the same attitude, determination, will and courage we apply to do what is wrong to do things that is right and helps us become better people. These are the attributes that helps us make better choices in life. When we align the right attitude, determination and will with our better choices in life, success becomes inevitable!

Life is truly beautiful. It is we who have made it a mess with our own actions and reactions. But there is nothing that stops us from making it beautiful. Because if there is anger there is forgiveness, if there is hate there is love, if there is discrimination there is acceptance, if there is poverty there is charity, if there are diseases there are cures, if there is war there is peace. It is all about what we choose and why and when. We all are free and can choose that which is right and just and make this world and life beautiful!


Cubixrule – The art of solving your problems


“Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.” ~Stanley Arnold

“Cubixrule” is a term I came up with for the process I use to solve many things that I consider a problem. It is rather an unconventional way to approach a problem as an opportunity to developed a solution as opposed to seeing a problem as something that we have to put up with rather than solve.

The term “Cubixrule” itself was inspired from Rubik’s Cube, which I was introduced to by my older brother when I was about 11 years old. It was the hottest things in the world then. Everyone was talking about the complexities of this puzzle and were racing to figure out a solution. After several weeks I had developed a solution on my own. Ever since I learned to solve it by myself by developing a few short series of algorithms, I began to apply the belief that if I could solve such a complex puzzle, I must be able to solve many other problems in life.

Many years later, my older brother once again (God bless him) got me another puzzle. This time it was another puzzle developed by the same inventor Rubik again. This one was called Rubik’s clock. Along with this puzzle, my brother gave me a copy of a Time magazine in which there was a small article about this new puzzle and how the inventor himself was seeking a physical solution still. The computer suggested a few million possible solutions to this puzzle, but an actual physical solution was not developed yet. Unlike the cube this puzzle was a disc with nice clock faces on either side. The objective was to turn the four dials on the side of this puzzle and get all the nine clock hands to the 12’0 clock position on both sides.  

Three and a half days later, I had solved the puzzle and had developed a 17 step solution to solve the puzzle in less than 30 seconds. Once again I applied the “Cubixrule”. By this time, I had formed a definition for this word in my mind. It was a few positive fact based statements to define the thought process to solve a given problem.

 Cubixrule – is a thought process where it is believed that:  “Every problem has a solution. It is only a problem until a solution is developed by someone. Therefore, every problem is nothing more than an undeveloped solution. And the challenge to be the first one to develop the solution is an opportunity to lead the world to a new higher level”

 I have since often reverted to “Cubixrule” when ever I have been pushed against the wall by a problem or stressful issue in life. My mind begins to think of various possible solutions that I can possibly come up with in a short period of time. And strangely after mulling over this phase for some time, I often stumble upon the “Eureka” moment often in the middle of the night or in my dream. This eureka moment is when I come up with a solution that was earlier considered to be unthinkable, unimaginable, impossible, or often simply plain stupid. And it arrives with a sense of confidence, and vigor that never dies until I have tried it and made it work.

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” ~Anthony J. D’Angelo

But “Cubixrule” has its challenges too. Because it involves a level of unconventional thought process, sense of immense confidence in self and determination to come up with a solution that was undeveloped ever before, it may be considered to be stupid by the world around us. Historically, when someone spends their time on doing something that is popularly considered to be as impossible, it has always been considered to be a waste, an effort in vain, and often stupid. And the challenge is not to give in to this pressure. Never!  There may be several trials, errors and failures in Cubixrule. But being persistent, logical, analytical, and realistic is a must if you are determined to succeed. It is also important to always see every failure as a lesson to learn from and build on its teachings. Always remind yourself that the problem on hand is just an undeveloped solution.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~Albert Einstein

It is true when they say that: “Only the ordinary people do the most extraordinary of things”. Every scientist, politician, visionary, inventor, discoverer, musician who gave our world many wonderful things and knowledge were once considered to be ordinary. Each and every one of them faced their hardships, critics, ridicule, depression, stress and obstacles and overcame them by their own respective versions of “Cubixrule”. They each did the extraordinary. The saw the undeveloped solution and set to develop one themselves and eventually proved their world wrong.  If one digs a little deeper into any of the major inventions, processes, solutions that we enjoy today and how they were developed, we will soon learn that each one of them faced and over came their problems by seeking out the respective solutions.

Likewise, we are all such ordinary people who can certainly do extraordinary things. Many of us many not realize that we have been doing many such things since our childhood. If we were people who fear failure or what people will say or think we would have never learned to walk as a child, we would have never learned to speak, learn, express our feelings, study, face the world, have relationships, grow up and succeed. But we did and continue to do such things all the time. We each faced our share of respective challenges and over came them after a few falls, failures, trials and errors. Some hurdles in life may be small and some very tough, but nevertheless, we  use our internal positive will and energy to over come them. We can move further to solve many such problems in our lives and accomplish many extraordinary things. All we got to do is to see each problem we face with our version of “CUBIXRULE” based on our objectives, will, and the desire to solve it. Be it a financial problem, a relationship, a work related, mechanical, or any problem that life throws our way, the attitude, will, and the determined approach we apply will eventually help solve it. The art is to look at the “problem” as an “opportunity” or a challenge to use all our skills, experience and intelligence to find a solution and solve it!

So, what is your problem?


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