Category Archives: guilt

Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve


lettinggo

 

“We seek the divine creator to forgive our greatest sins, and he forgives. Then who are we not to forgive those who wrong us?” – Anonymous

Aren’t we too quick to point fingers and tell people where they are going wrong? Often we appoint ourselves as the authority on what is right. But we seldom would accept, acknowledge or seek to find our own wrong doings and blunders in our lives. Many of us are afraid to face the disgust of our own mistakes and sins. Yet we are always ready to make others feel disgusted of theirs.

We aren’t perfect nor is the world we live in. We are all wrong doers and often many of us are much more worse than we would like to accept. We do several immoral things in our own personal lives and chose to forget it or be secretive about it, but we will never give up a chance to blame others of their immoral actions or tarnish their character based on their share of mistakes and sins.

But there are times when we do realize and repent. Our conscience shakes us and our guilt consumes our pride and we set out to repent for our wrong doings. And when we set out with such honest guilt and sincerity we solely seek for forgiveness. Forgiveness from those we have done wrong to or from a divine source we place our faith in. But this is just perfect for us, our inner peace and our own emotional balance and health. Even if we do not get the forgiveness we seek, we find solace in the fact that we have repented in enough in terms of undoing our wrong and perhaps going above and beyond by being extra nice.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Alas we learn to forgive others we seek forgiveness from others when we do wrong. The petty mindedness of us fuels our pride and arrogance to stand against basic decency and humanity and hold grudges and anger against others. A very convenient position to hold that blinds our logic and sensibilities and stops us from realizing how we ourselves would feel if we were put in a similar position. When we are wrong we rightfully expect others and even God to forgive us of our mistakes and sins. But when the same is asked of us and life provides us a chance to reciprocate, we soon turn our arrogance and petty mindedness without any shame.

Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always make you less than you are.

Malcolm Forbes

Several people spend a life time holding such grudges and refuse to forgive others. They choose to dwell in their hatred, anger and smallness rather than to understand life and reality, forgive and become greater human beings and move ahead into a much more peaceful and respectable life. We strain and loose several valuable years and time of good relationships in this one short life of ours. We estrange ourselves and let our anger and arrogance separate ourselves from our own blood and friends due to their mistakes and our inability to be mature and forgive. We lose our ability logically discuss, heal, understand, let go, and forgive in an effort to keep relationships. Instead we chose to forget all the goodness and good times we enjoyed from that person and judge the person with their one big mistake. Yet we will die of hurt when someone dies the same to us.

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

Forgiveness: According to the Merriam Webster dictionary to forgive is A) to give up resentment of, or claim to requital for B): to grant relief from payment of 2) : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON intransitive senses : to grant forgiveness.

Even though many people may say they have forgiven someone who has offended them, it nevertheless takes a long time to free themselves of the hatred and anger in their hearts. Their behaviour tends to betray that anger. On the other hand, the forgiveness is required to be sincere. Because we need to realize the fact that as human beings each one of us are tried and tested in every step of our lives and we engage in a continuous process of failing and learning from our mistakes. Thus it is imperative for each one of to learn to be tolerant and compassionate as we will eventually expect the same from others.

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher

So why is it important to learn to forgive? Here is one scientific reason: According to recent research, American scientists established that those capable of forgiveness are healthier in both mind and body. The team of scientists and health psychologists studied 259 people. The scientists invited the subjects to attend six one-and-a-half-hour sessions, and aimed to instruct the subjects in forgiveness during their conversations.

The subjects of the experiments stated that they suffered less after forgiving people who had wronged them. The research showed that people who learned to forgive feel much better, not only emotionally but also physically. For example, it was established that after the experiment psychological and physical symptoms such as stress-related backache, insomnia and stomach aches were significantly reduced in these individuals.

For those who claim to be religious or live in a constant pursuit to become a better human being based on their faith systems it is important for them to realize that forgives is a major part of all faith systems in the world. Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many varying modern day traditions and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness of one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and divine forgiveness.

Here are a few examples of some leading religions and their ideas and philosophies about forgiveness:

Judaism: If a person causes harm, but then they sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is religiously required to grant forgiveness to this person.

Christianity: Jesus speaks of the importance of Christians forgiving or showing mercy towards others. A quote from Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Islam: One of the names for Allah in Islam is Al-Ghaffur- meaning The All Forgiving entity. Forgiveness often requires the repentance of those being forgiven. Depending on the type of wrong committed, forgiveness can come either directly from Allah, or from one’s fellow man who received the wrong. In the case of divine forgiveness, the asking for divine forgiveness via repentance is important. In the case of human forgiveness, it is important to both forgive, and to be forgiven. In fact it is believed that a practicing Muslims’ pilgrimage is not accepted if forgiveness is not sought from those they have wronged against.

Buddhism: Forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will shall leave a lasting effect on our minds and eventually shape our destiny.

Hinduism: The concept of performing atonement from one’s wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness is n essential part of the practice of Hinduism. Repentance is the lay of Karma. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of those deeds and these deeds actively create present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain in others.

“Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. He began by forgiving us. And he invites us all to forgive each other.”

Lewis B. Smedes – Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

Doctors have proved that forgiveness and letting go of grudges immediately and drastically improved your health and quality of life. Here are a few proven benefits of forgiveness:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

So, how do you go about making the change and becoming a mature, generous and progressive indidivual by learnign to forgive others? Well, it is a process of learning and understanding who you turly are and how do you want to grow towards becoming a better and greater person in life. It is easy to be like the rest of the petty minded people and dwell in your misery and hold grudges. But it takes a great heart and progressive thinking to learn, forgive and move ahead in life. Here are a few things suggested by the mayo clinic on how to go about forging people:

  • Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
  • Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
  • When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
  • Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

What stops you from becoming free of hatred and anger in life is often your ego and inflated pride. Which, we all are aware has never done any good to anyone in their life. The power of forgivness is greater than that of hate and anger.


THANKSGIVING – What are YOU Grateful for?


THANKSGIVING – What are YOU Grateful for? November 17, 2012 For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, for love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends. ~Ralph Waldo EmersonI used wake up with a head ache often. Lying on the bed and staring at the morning sun light tearing through my curtains on the wall, I reluctantly think of my sad life briefly and curse every moment of it. Why do these things happen to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why can’t anyone understand me or just simply reciprocate my honesty and genuine love with theirs? What does it take for people to be nice and honest?…… this bloody job I got to go to this morning… ah! I hate this life, I hate it vehemently and I hate everything about it!He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~EpictetusThese were the things I used to think almost every single morning when I was depressed a not so distant past. These feelings and thoughts were often compounded by the drudgery of day to day living with my bitter self and extremely critical and cynical outlook towards life. And I loved it! It soothed my soul with self pity. I could cuddle my thoughts and my love of pain and sleep away in my tears until the next

via THANKSGIVING – What are YOU Grateful for?.


Are you a victim of your ignorant opinions and behaviour?


I often find myself doing irrational things and saying things without thinking about its implications. Implications on how people perceive me, implications on my character, image, and the value I hold in my society. A callous remark or an opinion expressed without thinking has always come back to bite my ego and left me in shame or guilt.

Calling an individual an “idiot”, suggesting a political position as stupid, taking sides with who I perceive as an underdog, or even simply expressing displeasure on friends behaviour has often made me realize that I was wrong because I truly wasn’t educated enough of all the facts, history, reasons, and emotions involved on the subject I took the liberty to comment on. I guess it is a very common position we comfortably assume appointing ourselves as an expert simply because we do not face any immediate or personal consequences to express our opinion freely, regardless of how idiotic it may be.   On a daily basis we probably voice our opinions and mundane uneducated statements about several matters and issues without truly knowing the facts, and history on the matter we speak. A very subjective point of view of our world and surroundings we so dearly hold and live by without realizing how we truly are perceived and values by those who have an objective view point of our world.

It is not advisable, James, to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener.~ Ayn Rand

We are true quick to brand others and shower negative statements on several issues blinded by quickly appointing ourselves as a subject matter expert and thereby demanding instantaneous respect by our peers to falter our ever deceiving ego. So, how does this very common egocentric and uneducated behaviour of ours fit in the world of reality? How are we truly conceived by our peers and society? Although many of us succumb to our ego from even attempting to explore this position in the fear of realizing how ugly we look, the reality of our behaviour does have a substantial bearing on our social position.

Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. ~ Bernard M. Baruch

Did you know that even educated and trained subject matter experts are more frequently wrong in their arguments, predictions, and opinions than right? Studies have shown that over 40% of the Doctors’ initial diagnosis are wrong, we have countless economic experts often predict several future outcomes that never happen, political analysts say several misleading statements, major corporate executives with Ivy league MBA’s run their corporations to the ground and the list continues. Yet we carry the audacity to speak like experts on several issues with very little knowledge of them.  And sadly several educated and people of high social standing make such statements without realizing how misleading they can be and how much credibility they can lose in a few moments by such behaviour.

The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.~ Elbert Hubbard

A casual lie, a callous statement, a biased point of view or an irrational act will always provoke a reaction from others and quickly brand us as either being ignorant, biased or irrational. Like many of us, our society too is too quick in forming opinions without taking the time to understand the background or reasons for our reaction. Are our opinions based on facts or for good reason? Or are our opinions and actions a result of us blindly relying on other peoples opinions?

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. ~ Oscar Wilde

We need to learn that we do not live alone in an individualistic society. We have to learn to take responsibilities of our actions, behaviour, and speech and stop living in denial. If we truly wish to grow into better beings, and live a fulfilling life where we grow to become respectable and valuable individuals in our society, family, and life, we must strive to learn, garner a balanced and educated point of view and above all learn to control our egoistic opinions in exchange for rational and informed objective thinking. And most importantly we need to understand the fact that our opinions always changes over time. As we grow wiser with experiences and learning from them, we begin to have different opinions. What seemed wrong once will begin to appear to be right and vice versa.  Only an unwise and inexperienced individual will every hold on to an opinion stubbornly without good reason or facts.

You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. ~ Plato

It is absolutely okay to be without an opinion on a subject we are now aware or educated about. We will never indulge in a conversation or voice our argument on astrophysics or complex chemical research findings if we are not educated in the matter. We will simply appear to be stupid and idiotic rather than come across a person with no interest or knowledge in the matter. But we seemingly jump to express our opinions and take a stance on economics, global financial crisis, corporate decisions, political positions and several individual behaviours when we are not privy to the factual inner facts, workings, and reasons. Majority of us do not even know the history of currency, who holds the national and international debts, what is GDP and how it is measured, how is a country’s wealth calculated, how is a currency valued etc, yet we speak as expert economists and argue our statements on economic conditions. Studies have indicated that over 80% of home owners and car buyers do not know how a simple or compound interest in calculated on their credit purchase.  A high majority of people who consider themselves religious, and follow their faith and rituals with passion, have never taken the time to read and educate themselves on the “history” or the evolution of their religion into its current form. Many haven’t even read their holy scriptures in an effort to truly understand it.

The opinions that are held with passion are always those for which no good ground exists; indeed the passion is the measure of the holders lack of rational conviction. Opinions in politics and religion are almost always held passionately. ~Bertrand Russell

We are known by our actions, reactions, speech, and interactions with others on a daily basis. One simple lie to a child will instantaneously lose all credibility we have built in their minds because they have wisdom in the form of Google sitting right in their pockets within their phone.  Similarly, our colleagues at work, friends, family, siblings, all hold the same wisdom. Do not be fooled if someone doesn’t object to your wrong opinion by thinking that they agree with you. Often they do not find it polite or do not wish to engage in a conversation to prove you are wrong and hurt your ego in the process. But however, you have exposed your ignorance to them and hence shall be judge by this generous display of yours. So, the next time you choose to make baseless a statement, voice an uneducated opinion, offer advice, comment on a political stance without knowing the facts or history, or ridicule someone for their actions or decision, or just think of someone as a stupid person, realize that it could very well be you who is ignorant, uneducated an ill informed and there by exposing your blatant ignorance and damaging your personal image and creditability. Never misunderstand others generous tolerance of your ignorance and refusal to dispute your views as an agreement to your point of view. Generally people are nice like you are to others. Strive to learn and educate yourself with facts and history of the matter, be it your own religion, a political view point, an economic condition or any subject matter. Read, learn and form unbiased and fact based knowledge. Be wise, well read and become valuable to others by your educated opinions, advice and support. Ignorance is blissful only when you accept that you are ignorant.

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect. Edward Gibbon


The voice within – the wisdom for peace and happiness


I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death. Leonardo da Vinci

The strange thing about us human beings is that we often spend a lot of time and energy searching for ideas, and answers which often are found within ourselves. One of the most important answer we often seem to seek is: if we are doing the right thing? Or is what we are doing good for us? And as many accomplished and successful people have pointed out based on their own experiences: “listen to your inner voice or gut feeling”. Somehow this inner voice seems to know all the right answers and helps guide you often to the right things in life. And when we do something wrong it begins to eat us up from inside with guilt. But this inner voice is only heard if one pays attention and takes the effort to query or listen to it. And it only works if you take the necessary positive actions to do the right thing. This magical phenomenon that all of us have been gifted with is almost like a divine compass called Conscience. Like all the greatest gifts that we have Conscience is also another intangible and immeasurable possession like love, feelings, thinking etc. It speaks to us when we seek its wisdom. It guides us, invokes positive behaviours, aligns us with our morals, and hurts us when we deviate from that which is not good for us.

Conscience is often found as a feeling of remorse when a human being commits actions that go against his or her moral values and beliefs. Conscience is like an aptitude, intuition or judgment of our thoughts and behaviours that distinguishes right from wrong. And us humans are asked to invoke this conscience universally through all religious belief systems and by means of any basic intellectual norms.

Conscience may be defined as the practical reason employed when applying moral convictions to a situation The many philosophers, or saints often ask to invoke our conscience to develop it, as they themselves do through daily contemplation or meditation combined with selfless service to others. Such developed state of conscience helps create a strong sense of intuitive insight or revelation to many. This helps a person to use their intellect towards positive and humane causes, pursue further knowledge, be self critical with the focus of self improvement and on a general level apply fair justice in his or her life.

The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience. Mohandas Gandhi

Yet we, the most developed and gifted species choose to live by killing our own conscience. Our pride, ego, anger and prejudice help us do things against our very own conscience until it is too late. The sad fact is that while one does things that go against their own moral values or beliefs, the conscience keep telling them that it is wrong. Once we do things against our conscience and fail, our conscience begins to hurt us with the feeling of severe guilt. But instead of taking the necessary positive steps to undo the damage many still continue to stifle this inner voice with rage and anger or drown it in intoxication. We the intelligent, civilized and knowledgeable species choose such.

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. Thomas Jefferson

It is plain common sense that many of our personal and worlds’ ills are result of actions in rage and blind fury. The things we say to hurt others, the things we do to hurt others and ourselves, the greed we posses, the prejudice we hold, the disrespect we show are some of the things we do often against our conscience. The violent killings, the communal riots, steeling, damaging things, wars, or theft are all things that people do against their basic human moral values and beliefs. The greatest crimes against humanity are often over the deliberate killing of our own conscience. The person who commits the atrocity and the person who witnesses it and chooses to close their door on the facts and reality are both guilty of killing their own conscience.

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it. Albert Einstein

But this gift of conscience is a wonderful thing. It is the conscience that makes the individual set out to accomplish great feats and do the impossible, it makes people charitable, invokes the wealthy to become philanthropists, invokes love, compassion, and righteousness. It makes us become better people, do greater things in life, and helps us succeed. Hence it is almost imperative that we take time to listen to our conscience, develop it, and synchronize our lives with it to achieve inner peace, balance and happiness.

All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses. Friedrich Nietzsche

Development of Conscience:

Most people live with a self conceived idea and parameters of morality. It may be okay to lie a little but not to deceive or they may be comfortable to speak just to the advantages of doing something but choose to hide the negatives. But in general terms there is limit to who they choose to do and what they do not based on their moral values and comfort. These limits they choose change though time based on their individual experiences, social pressures and norms, or communal rituals and belief systems. But the conscience within eventually brings about a sense of balance as an individual evolves. But until such time the turmoil one can endure often affects their success and happiness in life.

When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society. Pope John Paul II

So, how can one develop sound and balanced approach towards nurturing their conscience and morality to live a happy, content, and successful and guilt free life?

There are several theories based on studies of set groups. But it takes some honest self criticism and the will to self develop to come up with some key objectives:

1) One needs to see the need to self develop and the need to adhere to balanced and just moral values and conduct. This in turn helps develop their inner conscience on sound principles which will allow them to do what is right and make them feel bad when they go against it.

2) Fair judgement on balanced opinions and values. This can be practiced by not immediately reacting to any given situation. Exercising calm and some thinking can always help take a positive approach towards issues at hand. This becomes crucial to control haste and anger where patience and understanding would be more valuable.

3) Respect and Equality for one and all. This would avoid people holding prejudice and tame ones ego. People who do not practice this often continue to live a life of arrogance, and self indulgence at the cost of other people’s happiness, self respect and peace. But they also live a life of continuous fight against their inner guilt and general level of discontent about everything in life.

Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune. Carl Jung

Life is too short to waste time over petty behaviours and toiling in guilt. Many of our ills and unhappiness are out of our own choices and actions in life which are often against out very one divine gift called conscience. By awakening and living in tune with our own conscience we can build better lives for ourselves, make more progress, co exist happily with one and other, live happier and become successful based on moral and clear thinking without the fear of guilt.

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience. George Washington


The power of Forgiveness


 

 

“We seek the divine creator to forgive our greatest sins, and he forgives. Then who are we not to forgive those who wrong us?” – Anonymous

Aren’t we too quick to point fingers and tell people where they are going wrong? Often we appoint ourselves as the authority on what is right. But we seldom would accept, acknowledge or seek to find our own wrong doings and blunders in our lives. Many of us are afraid to face the disgust of our own mistakes and sins. Yet we are always ready to make others feel disgusted of theirs.

We aren’t perfect nor is the world we live in. We are all wrong doers and often many of us are much more worse than we would like to accept. We do several immoral things in our own personal lives and chose to forget it or be secretive about it, but we will never give up a chance to blame others of their immoral actions or tarnish their character based on their share of mistakes and sins.

But there are times when we do realize and repent. Our conscience shakes us and our guilt consumes our pride and we set out to repent for our wrong doings. And when we set out with such honest guilt and sincerity we solely seek for forgiveness. Forgiveness from those we have done wrong to or from a divine source we place our faith in. But this is just perfect for us, our inner peace and our own emotional balance and health. Even if we do not get the forgiveness we seek, we find solace in the fact that we have repented in enough in terms of undoing our wrong and perhaps going above and beyond by being extra nice.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Alas we learn to forgive others we seek forgiveness from others when we do wrong. The petty mindedness of us fuels our pride and arrogance to stand against basic decency and humanity and hold grudges and anger against others. A very convenient position to hold that blinds our logic and sensibilities and stops us from realizing how we ourselves would feel if we were put in a similar position. When we are wrong we rightfully expect others and even God to forgive us of our mistakes and sins. But when the same is asked of us and life provides us a chance to reciprocate, we soon turn our arrogance and petty mindedness without any shame.

Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always make you less than you are.

Malcolm Forbes

Several people spend a life time holding such grudges and refuse to forgive others. They choose to dwell in their hatred, anger and smallness rather than to understand life and reality, forgive and become greater human beings and move ahead into a much more peaceful and respectable life. We strain and loose several valuable years and time of good relationships in this one short life of ours. We estrange ourselves and let our anger and arrogance separate ourselves from our own blood and friends due to their mistakes and our inability to be mature and forgive. We lose our ability logically discuss, heal, understand, let go, and forgive in an effort to keep relationships. Instead we chose to forget all the goodness and good times we enjoyed from that person and judge the person with their one big mistake. Yet we will die of hurt when someone dies the same to us.

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

Forgiveness: According to the Merriam Webster dictionary to forgive is A) to give up resentment of, or claim to requital for B): to grant relief from payment of 2) : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON intransitive senses : to grant forgiveness.

Even though many people may say they have forgiven someone who has offended them, it nevertheless takes a long time to free themselves of the hatred and anger in their hearts. Their behaviour tends to betray that anger. On the other hand, the forgiveness is required to be sincere. Because we need to realize the fact that as human beings each one of us are tried and tested in every step of our lives and we engage in a continuous process of failing and learning from our mistakes. Thus it is imperative for each one of to learn to be tolerant and compassionate as we will eventually expect the same from others.

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher

So why is it important to learn to forgive? Here is one scientific reason: According to recent research, American scientists established that those capable of forgiveness are healthier in both mind and body. The team of scientists and health psychologists studied 259 people. The scientists invited the subjects to attend six one-and-a-half-hour sessions, and aimed to instruct the subjects in forgiveness during their conversations.

The subjects of the experiments stated that they suffered less after forgiving people who had wronged them. The research showed that people who learned to forgive feel much better, not only emotionally but also physically. For example, it was established that after the experiment psychological and physical symptoms such as stress-related backache, insomnia and stomach aches were significantly reduced in these individuals.

For those who claim to be religious or live in a constant pursuit to become a better human being based on their faith systems it is important for them to realize that forgives is a major part of all faith systems in the world. Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many varying modern day traditions and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness of one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and divine forgiveness.

Here are a few examples of some leading religions and their ideas and philosophies about forgiveness:

Judaism: If a person causes harm, but then they sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is religiously required to grant forgiveness to this person.

Christianity: Jesus speaks of the importance of Christians forgiving or showing mercy towards others. A quote from Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Islam: One of the names for Allah in Islam is Al-Ghaffur- meaning The All Forgiving entity. Forgiveness often requires the repentance of those being forgiven. Depending on the type of wrong committed, forgiveness can come either directly from Allah, or from one’s fellow man who received the wrong. In the case of divine forgiveness, the asking for divine forgiveness via repentance is important. In the case of human forgiveness, it is important to both forgive, and to be forgiven. In fact it is believed that a practicing Muslims’ pilgrimage is not accepted if forgiveness is not sought from those they have wronged against.

Buddhism: Forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will shall leave a lasting effect on our minds and eventually shape our destiny.

Hinduism: The concept of performing atonement from one’s wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness is n essential part of the practice of Hinduism. Repentance is the lay of Karma. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of those deeds and these deeds actively create present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain in others.

 

“Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. He began by forgiving us. And he invites us all to forgive each other.”

Lewis B. Smedes – Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

 

Doctors have proved that forgiveness and lettign go of grudges immediately and drastically improved your health and quality of life. Here are a few proven benefits of forgiveness:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

So, how do you go about making the change and becoming a mature, generous and progressive indidivual by learnign to forgive others? Well, it is a process of learning and understanding who you turly are and how do you want to grow towards becoming a better and greater person in life. It is easy to be like the rest of the petty minded people and dwell in your misery and hold grudges. But it takes a great heart and progressive thinking to learn, forgive and move ahead in life. Here are a few things suggested by the mayo clinic on how to go about forging people:

  • Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
  • Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
  • When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
  • Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

What stops you from becoming free of hatred and anger in life is often your ego and inflated pride. Which, we all are aware has never done any good to anyone in their life. The power of forgivness is greater than that of hate and anger.

 


Becoming a better man; inspiring a better world


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He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.  ~Harold Wilson

I have always feared change. Change is something that I usually disagree with because it makes me get off my comfortable state and do something with my life that will not put be back into the former position.  But whether I agreed with change or not, I have been changed and I keep changing. And looking back, I cannot thank enough for these changes. When I was forced to change, it always pushed me into a better life, and when I didn’t, I realized how I was killing my own potential and destroying my life while the world around me progressed.

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. ~Bruce Barton

The only thing that remains constant in our lives has been the changes that happened to the world, people and us. Amongst all the things that changed around us the most important is the change that happened to us. The changes to our personal progressive evolution into better human being, our perceptions, wisdom, knowledge, tolerance, opinions, and the ability to love, forgive, and perhaps become selfless. These endless collections of experiences that impacts us on a daily basis and that which helps us evolve into the people we eventually become is what life is all about. Similarly the process of this evolution is also enhanced or hindered by our choices and the resulting actions we take that helps carve our personalities and our personal world, in terms of family, lifestyle, character and image. Yet with all this progress and evolution of systems and people, we seem to be living in a more complex, tiring and unhappy world.

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have. ~Margaret Mead

One thing I learned early in my life was that I needed to evolve, change and continuously work hard to become better should I desire to accomplish a few things in life. Change is good, and positive change is absolutely necessary. Those who stifle their growth and advancement will one day be challenged to change, evolve and advance or be left behind. People are continuously moving ahead. Old methods are challenged, old fears have changed to aggression, silence has found a voice and oppressed compliance has changed into intelligent and courageous defiance. The recent political changes in the world shows that we no longer need to fight wars to over throw dictators or unjust oppressive governments. People have begun to exercise their rights and use democracy to their advantage. Traditionally countries that were considered to be poor are economic super powers now. The wealth of these countries diminishes the might of nuclear powers. Old belief systems are challenged if they haven’t progressively evolved with the times. People now increasingly need sensible and logical processes and systems to follow. The intelligent people today question age-old senseless rituals, old systems, stagnant status, cultural norms etc.  Such are the many signs of the struggle of progressive evolution of people. It is nevertheless a struggle. It is a struggle because many systems and people still happen to continue to sit at the opposite side of this progressive evolutionary spectrum. These are the people and systems that are yet to be challenged in our every changing world. But the struggling progression and evolution of people into better and sensible beings shall continue and soon the demands of positive change will come knocking at their door.

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.  ~Japanese Proverb

However, this struggle can only thrive and gain momentum on clear, positive morals, peaceful intentions, values and principles that collectively benefits humanity. The struggle is also within every individual because such collective strength shall only stem from realizing the need for individual self-improvement. We as people are still required to evolve as individuals first. We cannot afford to hold on to our prejudice anymore, we can no longer choose to resent change, we cannot hide our limited and age-old beliefs, and we cannot afford to sacrifice humanity and personal peace for age-old rituals and blind faith. It is time and age for us to progress and not regress. WE have to make the change, and make it first within us. We need to self-analyze our everyday actions, behaviours, goals, objectives, words and character and list the changes we need to make and follow through. We cannot blame the world, the people, system, and change. We need to change, adopt, or inspire change. It has become more vital for our own existence and survival and for the future of our children. We can no longer blame the status quo and failing conditions of everything around us. It is now in our hands. WE need to make the change, and/or inspire change. It is our responsibility, our life, our world, and our choice. We are told things, educated, inspired, motivated, asked, and forced into learning things from other people’s’ experience, their opinions, and the existing ways. What we do with all that we know now, is our choice. It is our world and our move next.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.  ~Gandhi
 
A few simple things we can do to change our world for the better, starting today:
 
    1. Reflect a little on our speech and make small changes by using more positive words, kinder expressions and honesty.
    2. Think how you treat your loved ones regardless of what they do. Are you inspiring or loving in your behaviour?
    3. What you give is what you get. Do you give positivity, smiles and love to the world you share?
    4. When did you last give your mother or a wife a day off chores?
    5. Complment someone for doing something you liked.
    6. Ask yourself, what have you done lately to inspire positivity and goodness
    7. Opt for a salad today for a change, eat lesser calories today, chew longer and drink plenty of water.
    8. Forgive someone and let the hatred go. Give them a call, or write a note just to say “Hi”. You will feel much better.
    9. Share a joke to lighten the moment and see how the problems get resolved and  fades away.
    10. Take up a greater cause
    11. Praise someone for thier efforts and encourage them to carry on
    12. Put in some extra time and effort to change something for the better, be it at work or home
    13. Take up a creative project
    14. Learn something new or something you are not good at
    15. Spend time with your child and be silly for a while.
    16. If you appreciate someone tell them about it
    17. If you are guilty of something you did, or doing, stop it and walk up and apologize
    18. Do one right thing daily
    19. Make an effort to stop complaining about something, or being cynical about something daily
    20. Do one thing daily to change your personality and character for the better, be it appearance wise, or act, speach or behaviour.
 
 

The vanity of the Self entitled kind


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“A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile it can be done.” – -Vince Lombardi

 

The above quote is true to those who believe in working hard towards their dreams and earning every bit of their success. But seldom do we see such individuals who stand tall on their rightfully earned success, wealth, adoration, respect, and all that which comes along with these.

What we find more frequently and often within ourselves is an unrealistic sense of self entitlement. A trait that is more prevalent amongst the younger generation. We expect recognition, rewards, promotion at work, success, wealth, authority, and respect often before we have earned them. Regardless of how little we truly do to earn these, we have become accustom to demand these as though it is our birth right. The enormous sacrifices and lives of the veterans and founders of our respective countries are seldom realized by the flag waving, chest thumping individuals of today who have taken the freedom and respect of their nation for granted. Similarly, the wants for a fancier car, flashier mobile phones, bigger houses, higher pay cheques, gorgeous looking mates, and honest and virtuous spouses are desired regardless of the individuals own efforts to earn them by their character, deeds, qualities, education and hard work.

 

One of the consequences of such notions as entitlements is that people who have contributed nothing to society feel that society owes them something, apparently just for being nice enough to grace us with their presence.- Thomas Sowell

 

Everybody has aspirations, desires and dreams. Some dream to be rich, some to become a celebrity and some to find true love. But we seldom think about what we are doing with our time, skills and energy towards attaining these things. More importantly we never think if we are truly working towards becoming worthy of what we desire for. The simple wisdom behind this states that if and when one becomes worthy of something they will soon acquire it. This means for example: if you wish to become a successful writer, then you will have to begin to hone your skills as a writer and keep learning to become better as a writer. And once you work towards such dreams you will eventually pave your way to becoming a great writer and success will eventually meet you. Likewise, if you do not conduct yourself in a manner that commands respect you will never get it by demanding it. You can never get true respect, love or recognition unless you earn them by your behaviour that is worth of such things.

 

Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality; man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true.
Napoleon Hill

 

You have no one to blame for not being able to achieve what you desire for but often yourself. One needs to see and understand the need to earn their respect, dreams and wishes. And the effort put towards earning such things in life often paves the path and enables you to meet your dreams. There is no substitute for hard work and perseverance towards ones goals in life. People who adapt such relentless hard work, focus and continuous self development towards their goals in life often achieve them and enjoy the glory and success. While those who choose to just desire and never do anything towards meeting their possible success often end up taking solace in their failure or excuses for not being able to become successful. Success and wealth has often been a result of hard, persistent and sincere work with courage, perseverance and unwavering focus towards achieving it.

“We learn by doing.”

-Aristotle

All of us have our individual potentials and skills. We each have our share of battles to fight and hurdles to overcome. We are no different from the next person. But some amongst us choose to earn their success while many do not. This single choice often differentiates us between the haves and have not’s. People become successful because they choose to work towards their success. Success hasn’t come to anyone easy and never to those who just keep dreaming of it. You earn your success.

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.”

-John Quincy Adams

If one takes this simple wisdom towards every aspect in life, one can certainly experience a much more rewarding life. You earn the love you seek, the respect you cherish, the wealth you desire, the success you dream of and the lifestyle you aim. The only question you need to keep asking yourself is: What am I doing to earn what I desire?

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau


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